alright, alright. so dartmouth and williams and johns hopkins rejected me. oh well. was nice to try, would have been a nice validation (yes, we all need ego boosts ne?). so georgetown waitlisted me. think i'll stay on? dunno. but i got uva and tufts. so. decision's made? not quite. amherst? would be ironic if i didn't get it.

i'll wing retreat tonight. and tomorrow afternoon.

hokay that was just me overreacting again. NO WORRIES!!!

on a side note: eating tons of plums and who the hell's giving out my number.

ALRIGHT DAMMIT! ENOUGH ALREADY!!

geez. ah why do i care. couldn't even be bothered to leave a comment, if you're still hung up about it, man, whatever. and if you weren't even there, well, yay. HIGH moral high ground man. whoop de doo. feel self assured. as long as you're happy.

so, so ironic. barely a year after being ousted by the streets, the streets are putting yanukovich back in again. yuschenko is flailing, losing popular support, and ukraine wobbles again, trying to decide between the west and the bear. timoshenko i think will be a dark horse kinda player, power behind the throne and all. she's in second place, so surprisingly, which might provide some amusement. so there goes the orange revolution. i suppose it indicates the marvel of democracy and all, but it's just so ironically and tragically amusing. reminds me of pratchett:

"don't put your trust in revolutions. they always come around again. that's why they're called revolutions. people die, and nothing changes."
-vimes

i think.

in anycase, georgetown dumped me on the waiting list. one up, one down, five/four? shake it all around.

if i ever manage to draw properly, i wanna draw like banksy.

i get called by financial planners??????

and heh. coyote is amusing, and coyote + interns make for very hilarious...situations. and innuendos.

catching up with old friend, going home, and revisiting fresh fears. where did everyone go? drop me a note, sometime, even a whole jazz tune would be lovely.

i met my old lover friend
on the street last night
she seemed so glad to see me
i just smiled
and we talked about some old times
and we drank ourselves some beers
still crazy afler all these years
oh, still crazy after all these years

mood of the moment - fearful, pent-up prayer
music of the moment - paul simon - still crazy after all these years

wow. things happen so fast like raindrops pelting your skin. one down (UVa? should i go, or should i stay?), six to go, and fear of falling keeps me awake, amongst other things, fear of going too fast and tripping, fear of accidents. i'm going around, saying ""i don't believe myself, i don't believe i just did that'' [yes, remnants of work there] and then and then i never learn >.< the media is a bad influence, and yet, as she said, actions are amoral.

are they? is all that's saving me sophistry?

but hon, for you. the lesson of the moth, as promised. so apt, so apt,

so apt.

we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

i love archy. 'specially his maxims.

mm pirates of the caribbean is good for restoring humour.

music of the moment - rockapella - free falling
mood of the moment - swingingwhatever.

presupposition is such a wonderful thing. like suppositories.

>.<

guided missiles, and misguided men. where is the truth in that? and so i leave, in a cloud of whirlwind dust and feathers and shards, because there really isn't anything else to say. i'll implode on my own, because there's no need to take the world with me. knives in the gut, stabs in the back, trip and fall, alcohol, kitty has claws.

words drip from my mouth again, mucoid secretions that cling frantically to my lips before giving in to gravity and falling to the floor where they clump in a fragile attempt to preserve whatever small life they have.

now or later? i never wanted to pull and twist strings.

really. whatever.

wow. knife in the gut.

isn't it interesting how most of our lives are lived vicariously through pixels and bytes and text on the net. we communicate through flickers on our pale white screens, tapping emotions into keyboards, and these are things we never dare reveal to others.

like it or not, your life is ruled by others.

music of the moment - by the tapping of my thumbs/ something wicked this way comes.
mood of the moment - whatever. the cough/mucus generation is not helping.

i've blown my nose so much it's bleeding. i'm scared to do it again, lest i bust something more.

be careful what you wish for, please. there's a reason why you have to stick it out. and transatlantic rivalry right now is pretty stupid.

guh. cant say very much now, no incisive analysis (like i ever put one up). my life seems to be focused on the mundane, probably because a bad throat and bacterial thingy forces your feet back onto the ground like lead weights. i just wish the ground wasn't at the bottom of the sea, that's all. i'm not depressed or anything...just detached. or maybe still dazed and amazed.

meh.

oh gods what a weekend. WHAT a weekend. i've poured enough alcohol into my system to give my liver a workout for the next month or so, and this is the 5th week in a damn -row- i've been out late, and it just keeps getting more extreme. gods.

(on a sidenote, check out fancypants! best flash game evar. ok alongside foon.co.uk. and um, gee, this feels like playing rayman all over again Ü)

cjc thing was ok, i guess. taize and all. but throat got in the way of singing. and after that, we went out! and suddenly we ended up in zouk. as drea says: "wa. alive group. damn happening!"
which is pretty ironic. then again, we never aimed to be a church group.

and THEN. the next day, i end up playing battlefront for long hours again and end up with headache again. but btw mezebar 'sgood drinks. you pay for the presentation though. but there was a good saxophonist. after that. 9 damn drinks in 2 damn hours. ummmm...about a total of 1 shirleytemple, 1 vodkalime, 2 ginandtonics, 3 tequilapops (my new favourite Ü), a toffeetini and a half-pint of guinness. gurgh.

andthenandthenohgods.ineedsleep.

i don't want another broken body and ashes. is that too much to ask, to change your plans? must i remember another date?

sweetandsinful,you're.a.god.
you're my god. six ways to sunday, highway to hell.

well since i've just gotten most of my work cleared, let me just say i slept exactly 12 hours ago for a reason, and that reason was work. what sort of work, well, heh. *grin* it involved a projector, a xbox 360, hi-definition, quake 4, doa4, and a surround sound system. not necessarily at the same time.

SQUEEEEE.

and dad played xbox! everyone be astounded! hehe because it was need for speed: most wanted. so he got to drive a lambo left and right. very left and right :P we're borrowing a steering wheel for him :D

pity i had to return the 360 today though :( no worries.

I FOUND MY PLUM!!! hahaha well actually i forgot to eat it after my chicken dum bryani thing so now i'm biting it in place as i type. it's nice and sweet. the green plum type (i dont know what happened to the big ones, they're all hard now). nyum.

anyways. of all days to pile work on me it has to be today. xbox day. but no worries! i'm sneaking off once in a while for quake and doa :D

maybe i'll sneak more. there's the party tonight. see if alive ends soon enough.

interesting, that the most tolerant and stable of beliefs rejects beliefs. this is why i'm a religious humanist. yes, i've found my religion. nyah. and i am a defender of faiths. plural. not singular.

except for maybe one singular. the one of 3.

..six ways from sunday
and a million miles from it all.

I WANT THESE THINGS. they're just so funky.

and i'd do this to my thumbdrive only i figure it's funkier in its little rubber casing.

and they're taking the hobbits to isengard!

one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
five tequila, six tequila, seven tequila, more.

wow. two bloodshot eyes were never more worth it.

XBOX 360!!!!! quake4deadoralive4needforspeedmostwantedperfectdarkzero *gasp* ninetyninenightse-mtomclancy'sghostrecon. so i started out monday with playing all those, and somehow or the other i've ended up reviewing the first 3. woah. i foresee my lunch hours receding into the far, far distance as we spend hours at the xbox360 corner in the office. hurhurhur Ü

and the best bit? it's all under "work". *does very happy dance*

and then it was all the way to admiralty (in woodlands!!) for debate stuff, then it was all the way back to serene for APPLEPIEICECREAM at island creamery. good grief it tastes like the apple pie leon makes at home. AWYEAH. with DIGESTIVE BITS and frozen APPLES. bliss. then it was to adam road for food! ok, so we did it the other way around, dessert before dinner. but it was good stuff.

and then it was chillout@tcc. with a honey latte, because my throat had been getting steadily worse for some unknown reason. yes, they have honey lattes. 'sgoodstuff. and then bumming around and pottering around chip bee gardens.

i perpetually get lucky >.< ran into a recovered birthdayboy+friends and a llama. the whole world seems to be at holland v.

excluding the fever, a good day. murrr.

on other notes, bush's finally turning internationalist . maybe a case of too little, too late, but at least it's started.

we have a POND. Ü

and two koi

because i don't want to do any damn psc essay because they're so damn annoying and i dislike it intensely.

so dxo was surprisingly good - the music was r&b and the company was fun :D although birthday boy passed out because of all the liquor poured into him, and skullboy was totally totally smashed and hence pervy, though the nice boys took care of that. and there was the table occupation. else all fun :D so many familiar faces.

and i discovered the value of dancing with elbows ^^ if guys get too close to you hur.

anyways.

today as i was barely listening to the sermon and the homily (which was rather amusing, at least the bits i caught where father o'neill slyly chided the sleeping), i thought: the ancients had it good. there was no room for doubt - when god spoke, it was with the works. fire and brimstone. how easy to believe.

and then after that, when there was the mass mumbled generic prayers for souls, father o''neill dropped a bombshell on me.

"let us pray for the soul of slobodan milosevic, who died last night."

milosevic is dead. it's almost the passing of an era. the old guard is dying out, the faces to the horrors perpetrated against humanity (such a faceless term to our collective soul and mind of society) and instead we look to terms and shroud ourselves/ourselfs in words to try to identify a blank threat that we've written a blank cheque for.

where are we going?

let us pray.

mood of the moment - wondering pensively
music of the monment - goo goo dolls - acoustic #3. and u2 - stuck in a moment

well since sarah tagged me, here goes:
1. i'm written into a book. well, not intentionally at least, but i'll leave you to find out which book.
2. apparently i'm slimmer when i don't exercise. so that means my fat thighs are because of muscle mass, dad!! >.<
3. in explanation of 2., my dad will periodically come up with comments like "your thighs are fat" out of the blue. i love you dad >.<
4. if i don't sleep enough, my nose starts running.
5. my past seems to be composed of closed doors. or at least jammed ones. i can't seem to come up with any interesting snippets of my past on demand. so this is the last thingy you're gonna get.

i'm not gonna tag anyone, because that would mean they have to go through this torture :P

well, dp world is now "selling off its leases to a us entity", "primarily to salvage the UAE's relations with the US" [quotes courtesy of bloomberg and other wonderful news people].

..well done mister congress. your partisan fears have chased away potential cooperation with the middle east and [since you're so economically-founded-and-grounded] possible economic tie-ups in the future. all for nothing, really, because your port security will remain in your hands, and you don't seem to realise that dp world simply has no interest in blowing up a port that it manages.

those of us out of america just shake our heads in befuddlement. i suppose the amount of paranoia is understandable considering what america's been through, but if you count dubai as one of your allies in the "war against terror", and then you turn around and say "you can't be trusted with our ports!", what does that tell them? sure, they were nice enough to back off on the deal, but you can bet this isn't doing your image any good down the middle east. general john abizaid is right. this really does come down to "unneccessary arab- and muslim-bashing". are you so myopic to be unable to see that the muslim world isn't monolithic? that there are moderates within the extremists?

arg.

anyways. interestingly enough, we're mentioned in the same vein as myanmmar, "arguably the most repressive regime in the world". ain't that nice.

so the last of the hamsters has snuffed it. >.<

fraility.

i'm tired i'm tired i'm probably most definately pms-y because i'm so irrational and emotional and annoyed. i can't possibly be physically tired because i slept till 10 today, but i am, and it's probably mental and emotional drain. i ache for no reason at all, i can't think straight, i couldn't even be diplomatically alert today, i couldn't ask the questions, i'm tired, i want a hug, i'm drained. i want to cry i just want a hug and a back rub what the HELL is going on. this is so ridiculous. *%#(ing hormones. where are you c'mere.

sarah will love this. hear her squeal.

on other notes, i just discovered IRAQ THE MODEL. very interesting insights. good stuff to chew on. does anyone know more about these guys?

this is why i don't understand the printed mind. it's why i can't understand why people would deliberately print the silly cartoons just to emphasise "freedom of speech". freedom of speech can go stuff it if you ain't got stability. freedom of speech, well, you have the freedom of speech to say "bite me" to a gun-toting murderous robber who's holding you up, but you don't. this is what we call self-preservation [you fools]. and they who print inflammatory remarks don't have this instinct because they're merely part of the mindless mob that rants and raves from the safety of orthodoxy, dogmatism and ossified tradition. there's no self to preserve; there's just the safety of the mob, the false stone walls that you put your faith in.
but stone walls crumble. and then, where will you be?

stupid stupid fools.

so i'm walking around j8 because i'm trying to exchange a defective top but that's not the point. the point is i see one of those coin-operated machines where you put in like 50 cents and the thingy starts moving and playing music. all well and good..i used to love playing on them even though i didn't always put in coins. was more fun anyways. you could imagine you were riding a motorbike, rather than a tacky yellow and pink horse >.<
but in this case, they put a monitor in front of the kids, so they play a road unwinding when you put in your coin, like some of those digital exercise bikes. which is a pity, because there goes imagination. instead of looking ahead of you and seeing curious shoppers and getting embarrassed, you look at your screen and lose out the world around you to the world in front of you in line-y pixels and bytes, tacky though it may be.
it's like ipods. the music of the 70s to 80s were public music. boom boxes blasted beats, speakers shouted songs and anthems were audible. now people sit at bus stops, on trains, in lifts like granite statues, silent and staring, listening to their own little private world of music. the only sharing we have for music is when someone blasts their music so loud it becomes hello-and-goodbye-mr-eardrum.
a pity.

i read this and actually felt physically sick. partly because this is absolutely inhuman. do you have no respect for the dead? is the coffin only temporary, a mere comma instead of a full stop? don't you feel nauseous, taking out a body for tendons and trauma? is the need for research and transplant so overwhelmingly great that you must desecrate the dead to sate your phoenical hunger? and what makes it worse is that you are depersonified. they probably saw it was alistair cooke. they probably didn't care. to them he was just a slip of paper. the alistair cooke. how could you do this to him? how could anyone reconcile that genial voice with someone who has been brutally and clinically sold as spare parts? you can't. there is just no way that someone who is immortalised in thousands of tapes and rambling but subtly pointed letters could be reduced to a victim of such depravity. there is just no possible way. but it has happened. how do you deal with it?

so today mom's got people over. and she roped us all in to help. which we promptly did, singing loudly. she called it "chronic". and so she was forced to bribe us to shuttup ("the things i do for peace and quiet"). so leon gets a new thumbdrive, and i get to go out. hur.

in any case, this is what i came up with after peeling godsknowhowmanychestnuts.

do your ears hang low?
do they wobble to and fro?
can you tie them in a knot?
can you tie them in a bow?
can you swing them over your shoulder
like a continental soldier?
do your ears hang low?

do your ears stand high?
do they stretch up to the sky?
can you signal far-off ships?
if you flap them will you fly?
if you're an armless defender
can you signal your surrender?
do your ears stand high?

do your ears stick out?
do they shiver when you shout?
can you carry twenty shirts?
can you skewer lazy trout?
can you semaphore your neighbour
to divide up garden labour?
do your ears stick out?


turkey in the straw...

hehehe class bbq was quite the..experience. thank you to all those who helped me get the stuff out and put them back...and for those who didn't come, >.< @ you. heh. oh well. twas fun and all's good :D

woah. so my grades aren't perfect, but they'll do. like the Os, i'd like to think they make me more human. i can't give you perfect scores, i may almost perpetually be the underdog, but i guess i'm fine with that. amplicity - ample time to do what i want, ample space to underachieve/slack..heh. see how that goes.

i think too much sometimes. my brain is so fried on occasion you're never gonna get anything more sane out of me than little ramblings and occluded mind's-eye-views.

but there are some things i KNOW, dammit.