hurhur whatev.

oh. ROFLCOPTER!!!!!1 hahahahahahhah..

i've been wandering around for a day with one blocked nostril. periodically it will taste the air of freedom and i will be happy, then it will maliciously revert. trying to blow it clear makes me feel like air pressure is building up in my the right side of my cranium, makes air come out my tear duct, and doesn't work.

crap i think i need my vitamin c.

hoho me dad brings out the gin&tonic and follows it up with a campari soda and lets us try more liquors. he probably needed pain deadners from the run :P

i didnt realise just how much liquor we had. its quite a few bottles, and there's definately more stashed away somewhere.

kahluamilk makes me HAPPY.

y'know all those lyrics i post doesnt do justice to what i feel when the music plays. can't be captured.

but i am HAPPY.

hell yeah. little things are good for the soul.

this makes me HAPPY :D if help is needed in installing *hemhem* just drop a line or something.

you make me feel like i can fly
so high

elevation

...but now that your lips are burrning mine
i'm beginning to see the light...

hell yeah.

you muddied the waters with your
deferences and determinations,
paradigms and parameters,
[all unstated of course, how could you
say it to my face]

but i am complicit, i suppose in not
telling you my side of the picture
[it is cold, dark and impersonal on this
other side of the portrait. you know how eye[s]
follow you around the room like a
broken chain
tracing your face, your
features are imprinted, indelible like
india ink.]

how can scribbles on paper, little
phrases telling us what we should know have so much
IMPACT
[the thud of bodies
hitting the ground, clutching feebly at
straws and stares of the
ex[am]cutioners]
on every one of us.

set me free, please
i want to
fly
soar

but
icarus-winged i am, desperate for your
attention and self-destructive in my
attempt.

--------------
it's back! it's back! my muse! omg!

SQUEEEEE!!!

you have NO idea how bereft i've been.


music of the moment - jars of clay - worlds apart
mood of the moment - sadly elated

i'm normally secular, almost atheistically so. but i think today's worship was effective. like we figured out in iggy's choir, we're there to lead, not perform, and many of those people who try to lead worship can't get the people to sing. but ben, jonk, daniel and yangshen did a great job. never heard so many people singing.
if only we didnt have a homily after that...

but i'm getting faith. dunno about in god, but i'm getting it back slowly in myself. long, slow process, but its there. and it makes me want to cry at the wonder of it all.


...she breathes the air and flies away...

...[the people] stare into nowhere,
and can't feel the chains
on their souls...


i want to fall in love with
you

PASTAFARIANISM!!!

i'd join it if only to be able to call myself pastafarian.

the rach3 helped. a bit.

i have all these hokkien words running through my head that shouldnt be said out loud. and our favourite four letter word. just freaked out my brother by suddenly screaming at the highest possible pitch (which is comparable to sarah's, and vastly louder). how the hell did i degenerate????

the whole class was laughing in shock and horror. i mean, what the hell. its not like we're all stupid. what's going on? heh it could be the sb2 curse, but fuck that, i'm not gonna let it dictate me.

omgomgomgmogomgimgonnaDIE. fuck i've never been this unprepared in my life.

yeah, i'm cool, i'm calm, and i cant punch things because of piano. FUCK.

for you i'd bleed myself dry,
for you i'd bleed myself dry.

you know, we're not apathetic. that's just an euphemism, a cheap and convenient excuse condoned by the government to explain the determination not to care. but it's not determination. it can stem from utter despair, the sinking pit in your stomach that tells you that nothing's going to change, that rockbed of certainty that will be there today, tomorrow and forever. it can stem from hopelessness, or tiredness. but we dont have these worries, priviliged singaporeans that we are. we dont need to care about this kinda thing. so they say. we're just as trapped, in a way. trapped by the trappings of society, the wealth and the rat race, the carrot and the stick, and we don't care because we dont need to work. we've got it made. we're the lazy, the tired, and we can't be bothered to care because it takes up too much energy.

stercus accidit. REALLY. i dont know, but i had so much riding on the prelims, and wow. screwed up, big time. its not just the grades, its the finding out that i let people down. that can be unbearable. and my second and third thoughts are telling me that i'm blowing this out of perspective. i hate being rational. and again, i sometimes hate being passionate.
being passionate's a mug's game. keeps you awake :\
damn, i can't please everyone.

stercus.

aaaahhhhh gettoutoffitgettoutoffitgettoutttofffittttt.


and now, i look back at this (only 2 minutes later) and i LAAAAUGH.
stercus stercus stercus moriturus sum.

rach3intermezzoadagio, more than rach2 today.

hurhur this during computing class :D i foresee distractions galore

hurhur if you type in "failure" on google, guess what's the first entry that comes up.

and on side notes:
the ultimate in convenience
cute :D

i noticed as i was walking towards bus stops (my entire morning until now has been plagued with bus stops) that many people were toting umbrellas. well, the sun is scorching, and i suppose i'm a walking promotion of that particular point of wisdom. a lack of sunblock can do wonders for your complexion and a marked increase in pain. i can't even scrunch my nose without wincing. come to that i can't even shrug without going "ow" thanks to wakeboarding (and carrying my bag around for the whole damn morning while trudging towards bus stops). but wakeboarding was fun (and expensive -.-). it's a lot like snowboarding except saltier, less painful (thanks to water) and more risky. risky in the sense of jellyfish. its really hard to get chewed up by propellers when the tow line is at least 5 meters out. in any case, daniel got stung by a jellyfish. i dont know whether the pain from the jellyfish sting[s] is worse or the humiliation of the treatment. daniel assures me that they are comparable. in any case, he didn't go into the water again.

lesson learnt from wakeboarding: do not laugh while drinking gin and 7up. you will die.

moving on to other lessons learnt, i found out that you may THINK you forgot something, but in reality you haven't. like when i tried to play my old piano pieces (because scholarship people dont trust your credentials and insist on hearing you on cd. i should just get someone else to play for me and send it to them.) amazingly, i can remember how to play them (more or less). why do i bring this up? because when you think you forget something, it only takes a trigger to bring things to the surface. like the god of small things. (good book, by the way, i recommend it.) have you ever seriously seriously cried? like a snake has constricted itself around your throat and your chest and is spasming? and it has gone down your nose and you can't breathe at all and you can only gasp but you can only do one thing at a time and that is either gasp or cry and you can't stop crying? its like the world has diminished into your head and is throbbing to get out and you lose track of your surroundings and time and all you wish is for it to be over, over, over.

yeah.

on the station platform rahel doubled over and screamed and screamed

so i'm back after a month long hiatus, and i'm nursing a whole lotta new things. like a sunburn for instance. went wakeboarding at punggol (far out, WAY out) and owwwww. all over. i'm already feeling achey.

and i was gonna post more things on how fingers never really forget and stuff but that has to wait a bit because mom's chasing me to bed. bleah. it's the holidays!!

shall ask her about zouk. again. hoo hoo. mom flippy.