Stuck here, an alley,
short cut, wrong turning on that
One Way Street.
Here, the blind leads the blinder (or is it
the other way around?)

Narrow streets, built by the minds
of people in them.
Shuttered houses and locked windows
(but doors will open, if only you'd
ask. Nicely)
Tread carefully - broken glass and empty promises
Litter the halls of the dead (though not yet
[misbe/fore]gotten)

I am not used to this
antithesis of the open plains
where ground met sky, sky met ground,
and angels and devils stop between the two.
Here: ABSOLUTES, There: grey

Help me,
No.
Forgive me -
I have foregotten how to fall.

mood of the moment - tired/sad
music of the moment - david gray - its not easy

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
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huzzah! im kenshin! :P

the pics came out all right :P
jinin looks cute in them :P chibii cute.
fiddly camera.
and i cant send the photos....jinin's inbox is a biit full :P

we so totally screwed up our performance today. we are soo dead. and jeanne forgot my top so we were running around like headless chickens looking for one. :|

xlab powerpoint is annoying.

chinese...file. ohbhoy. dieded. i SO do NOT like FILING! ahahah.

cogitating, zilch.

must go get guns.

mood of the moment - headachey/pain/zonked
music of the moment - guit rendition of bach/mozart/SOMETHING!

claud just created a quiz. i recommend it :P go here.
guess what i got.
chs and acs(i). so apparently if i study a bit more i save on hair gel and i should know that computers will only rule the world in the future.
and i'm supposed to be a male. this time, officially.


ROFLMAO!!

someone claims it's "****ing screwed". i would agree more on skewed.

owww.

mom made lemon pie flan thing, which actually tastes a bit like the lemon fruitella. we couldnt eat it today, so wait till tomorrow!

NEWS FLASH: have actually made progress on handphone issue! it is entirely possible i might get one. so if dad gets a new one, i get dads, little bro gets brick. if somone gets a newer one, the rest get passed down. :P

interesting.

whee!

have hereby redefined the word, and indeed, the very nature of tottering. have also set a record for the most number of f-words said in a day. my pain has exploded beyond the 13 inch colour tv to the dolby digital cinema with surround sound. going down stairs requires a railing (and a patient friend to endure your swearing) , and due to the training and practising we did for tomorrow, friday and saturday, i predict i will not be able to walk tomorrow.

oh well. good news. we have come up with something for xlab that is moderately presentable - it can send sms stuff :) we have accomplished in 3 hours more than we did in the past 1 year. hooray.

ow.

What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla


i have seriously degenerated

we're supposed to be doing xlab, but we dont have the comp. the ir drivers are being installed.

i am cold. my fingers are freezing.

i wanna go eat.

i am so dead.

wanna hug. :(

and the fiddly little camera works despite being supposedly non-compatible with windows xp. hooray.

Your destructive powers vary widely as you constantly change trying to
hide from everything.

Computer virus quiz


kewl. anyway. on to today.

legs = pain = hell going down stairs. GODS they hurt. wushu training to blame.

total mixup for xlab = we are SO dead

ow.

hungarian rhapsody....ow. slightly better, but i forsee auntie mary screaming in our ears.

i HATE zone alarm.

went to kap for food and to drop off laptop, ended up bringing back laptop, ahaha.

ow.

no more posting.

gods i am SOO unfit. i SUCK!!! i cant even do the usual training sessions properly without gagging, and here's my juniors doing it ok! i mean, yeah, they ARE guys, but so what? i am their senior, i SHOULD be better than them. AARGH....
put it this way. when i was going down the stairs, i was literally collapsing down them. i couldnt control the speed of which i went down. DONT ask me to stand up now. im even wheeling myself around in this white wheelie bath chair that we use as a normal chair. aside from the inevetable collisions...its ok. i think.

hmm. on a lighter note - bad weather was blamed as the cause of a collision between a fairy (ferry) and a british friggit (frigate). interesting, is the news.
AND...we didnt have to do recess recital! fran and debs didnt come! *phew* slight reprieve, but its STILL a reprieve.
watched taxi and life is beautiful. taxi ROCKED. :P life is beautiful is very very nice. i didnt get affected until the last bit when the kid met his mom and the narrator came on. i thing it was the word "sacrifice" that did it. *shrug*
no. i will NOT say "whatever"

notable thing of the day: i got to thinking about people i know, and i remembered this guy i knew from sunday cathecism class. the whole class used to pick on him, bully him etc. thing is, right now i know someone like that, and when i put him in the context of that guy, i kinda feel disgusted with myself. oh well. not the first time.

must sharpen stake. hehehhehhheheeh. ooh. and got sword cover, which is a damn cool black with dark dark blue edging so im using it for the costume outing, yay :)


firewalking.
hot lies beneath your feet.
purge your sins, or are they your sins?
concentrate, you cant feel them -
your senses are dead
annulified (you are
attuned to them)
can these burn away your transgressions?
what is left?
holes
your windows to your soul.

ICK.

erg. gardentech thing was moderately interesting, only that there was a skateboard ramp. hooray :P there was a skateboard and i couldnt use it. phooey.
well maybe its because i see everyone in a good light. maybe i cannot see them for what they really are. but then, i find it's nicer this way. perhaps i do not want to see their faults. i could be like the bursar - a little pink world away from sanity. GODS, why cant you SEE that. im sorry. i simply cannot see your view, i cannot take your view point. im sorry.
hmm. nothing of interest. ooh. oh yes. tomorrow means doomsday because we have to do RECESS RECITAL and we havent done it. die.

and now classical gas sounds moderately like it, though the tempo leaves much to be desired.

fly me to the moon, let me play amongst the stars
let me see what its really like on jupiter and mars

music of the moment - frank sinatra and the rat pack - fly me to the moon *smile*
mood of the moment - relaxed

today i started out with the lit seminar. after listening to the plenary (bad memories of cap plenaries) we finally went to the first session about mythology. the first person had a board game to do with greek and roman mythology, and lame jokes about fans. the second one was about pegasus. the whole thing ended pretty early - both of them took about 45 mins together.

our presentation session. first a girl from cap read her poems from her portfolio, which were actually quite good. she had excellent rebuttals for some annoying dhs boy whose "sole purpose in this room was to insult her".
and then we had sonnet readings done my us. ahaha. when the sams attempted to blatantly advertise our r&j production, the whole ny sec 3 bunch were banging their heads on the table. on the whole, the sonnet readings werent too bad. i think i screwed it up. oh well. everyone else probably thought so too, i guess.

then it was an amble over to acjc for the methodist cup. we watched acs(i) team 2 agains acs (br) team 2 i think. the debate...was...lets just say it wasnt so good. acs(i) was arguing on 1 front when they brought up 2 and acs (br) didnt seem so...substantial. the first speaker was ok, the other two...slightly worse. lets just leave it at that.

then a lovely rush down to our lovely school where we were kept for the graduation thing for the sec 4s. how i hate such ceremonies. we ended up 40 minutes late and i kept falling asleep just behind the discipline mistress and claud kept elbowing me in the ribs region so that i wouldnt be...decapitated/maimed/mauled/flayed. the presentation was...tedious. i pity the sec 2s who will have to be our "captive audience" for next year.

hungryhungry. so went down to the halloween celebration thing and stayed for about half an hour during which i ate something. then went home.

now undergoing an inquisition into the nature of blogging. am also being discouraged from blogging. give me strength to resist! :P
is it just me? or is it because i cant see things from your point of view? are you right, or am i?

Which Of The 7 Deadly Sins Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

well, my tuition teacher seems to think so.

its possible i am.

someone kill me now.

final results.

l1r5: 10 for ca, 19 for sa. so i didnt break 20, but what the hell.
best subject - bio. what a surprise.
worst subject - the rest. ahaha. no, i think it was amath. or emath. dont care.
nearly died when i saw a e8 on the paper, then realised it was on a different row.

i need a break.

msg - originallyabout 2.50. dropped to about 4-5. didnt want to remember the last one. succeeded.

GOD im so DEAD.argargarhagagghahgahha.

hug me. please.
let me suffer in your embrace
for minutes lasting into eternity.
and falling through that infinity to heaven.

todaytoday. hmm.

am now at sarah's house posting on blog. me being the great genius i am (YEAH RIGHT!) i have got her internet, scanner and stuff working :P sarah interrupts my reverie to exclaim that no, she was supposed to use it first, and this is not fair.

tough luck :P

ANYWAYS, today. NEWS FLASH! the first (well probably not the first) time gao zhi was used as a snot receptacle in place of tissue. an example in creative problem solving......

problem: claudia's nose is running (not away, retard.) dripping like a faucet. so much so that she has to keep her head tilted backwards. i quote the severity of the problem: "my (aka claud) stomach is full of snot!"

solution (as given by our dear chinese teacher :)): crumple a bit of paper until it is soft. use it to blow your nose.

there was a lot of laughing going on.

i like banananananana pork chops. :)

hmm. the mtg shirts are HOT. im sweating buckets here. :P

went to sarahs house to set up the comp. i thought it was something of "get the net connection working" sorta stuff. instead, it was literal set up - the things were still IN the box :P so we spent most of the time trying to get it set up.

as judith said, we should have had a video cam to catch it on tape. hilarious.

the verdict on sarah's bday - NO FORMAL DRESS!! haHAAA. cant catch me in the cap dress now! :P

piano....auntie mary didnt quite kill us, thankfully. heh. the hungarian rhapsody is "improving", ahaha.

i hate xlab.

WHY must we have normal classes????? but phizziks was phun. :) we played taboo :P a list of memorable moments...:

sam fong on pyramids:
"little triangular thingies!"

sam yeo on pigs:
"faith! faith is a....?"

mitch and me discussing sirens:
me: "what sound does it (ambulance) make??"
mich: "bee bor bee bor??"

some more..will update if i remember..

too tired to post more.
please dont give up. i know you can do it. i know you can. now i understand, now i know, please take care.

swear. swearswearswearswearswear. bugger. physics. b3. missed a2 by 2 marks. argh.

pissedpissedpissed.

on the other hand, it is interesting to note that claud and i are on msn talking while in the same room. we have degenerated. :|

hahahhahahahahah. bio. BIO. thankfully thats another A. which means a grand total of....ta-DA! TWO As. yes, TWO As. hold a parade man, this is a MIRACLE!

ahaha.

emaths?? HAH. 51. i have redefined carelessness by losing 14 marks. through little calculation errors here and there.

physics is next. i shall, according to sam fong, save a little space for swearing. which, in all probability, will mean about 256 lines. hahahhahahahahhashahahahhashhhahahhahaaaaaaack.

my l1r5 is now pretty much in the 20s. no kidding.

ok. the exam results are back, and the verdict? i SUCK. ok. the issue here is that i may not be able to keep my 10 subs. see, combined humans are total 64, which is quite bad :| then chem, haha, dont talk about chem. ms ng was getting death stares from us. lit? i didnt even want to see the paper. 16, 13, 13. you wanna analyse? i dont. spent the rest of the time trying to rewrite sonnets and wrapped in the curtain.

I R pissed.

but then, a few things happened that kinda restored my sense of humour. no one. got retainers. well, this aint such a great thing, but it was what happened after that. see, retainers are kinda annoying. you gag at first, then you have to get used to eating with it, and tell your tongue to stop playing with them. even now i hate the pink things. and food gets trapped between them and your palate. NOT a pretty sight when brushing teeth.
so anyway, here's me lying down in the dentist chair, and my regular dentist isnt in - on holiday. so im lying down trying to get used to the fact that i have little bits of wire stuck in my mouth, and in comes the doctor.

he seriously reminded me of tim.

i was freaked out the whole time.

and then, on the way from gleneagles to sarahs house, i hear the wonderful song "lets get loud" on the radio. brought back memories of sports day and chen li li dancing.
i was cringing in my seat trying to evade the bad memories. then tried to remember the dance steps, and i was glad/sad i forgot. i dont know what :P oh well. i really should keep up a better face and sense of humour, at least. i guess its due to Him up there that's keeping me from a) killing myself, and b) going insane. which is good, actually. :)

retainers are shitty. i guess the only thing good about them is that i can spit them at people. :P

i am praying that my bio results will make me feel better. :|

blood moon.

WARNING: contains bitchiness. whaat. even i need to blow off steam once in a while...


hmm. exam results back. result? bad. ahaha. seriously. i didnt i'd end up THIS bad, but what the hell. i'll kill myself NEXT year if it doesn't improve. first of all english. probably the best paper that i'm ever going to get (im holding out hope for bio. HAHAHAHAHHA.). compo, ok. functional writing? SUCKED. 12. pulled me down like mad. oh, then maths. if looks could kill, i quote, our math teacher would be "going out in a basket". damndamn. a LOT of people failed, haha. and theres other people who are getting 91. yes, n-i-n-e-t-y-o-n-e. freaks. no chance of us getting a moderation with people like that spoiling the curve :| so, haha. thought that was bad enough. threw away 9 marks. careless mistakes, haha. THEN we got back our chinese paper. haha. didnt think we'd do that badly eh? well, THINK AGAIN! we ALL suck! yay!

im sorry. its been a long day. and my tuition teacher has NOT been helping by saying that "if you're a little less proud, sonia, and accept my help, you can do better." good grief. i study WELL on my own, then ask you for help, whats wrong with that? do xi zi, ask for help with school work, whats so proud about that? it would be cool if she took a good look at herself first.....moralising and all about how people go off track and have "loose morals" then claiming that she never had problems with her kids because they were "devout christians". what i got was that she was implying that non-christians will have problems because they do not know how to raise their kids.

rubbish.

oh dear. i wonder, when i look back on myself when im older, will i take the same view as now?
well i'm a few hours older, and the view has not changed, so there.

this is not a good side of me. :| im pissed. so there. haha.

read something interesting today, about avril lavigne. the article can be viewed here (its a BIT long to be put up here). now my stand on avril before reading and after reading this article is this - her songs are cool, she seems cool as well. i know a lot of my friends like her. but after this article...well...lets just say that my perception of her has changed quite a bit. now, im not going to go absolutely anti-avril, buy the t-shirts and all (i DO have a sense of self preservation), but honestly, i dont really hold with people who are rude to others. the frankness may be refreshing, but no thank you, its something i can live without. and here, well, jeez. its something quite extreme. right now, i'd say that avril has zilch respect from me (not that it'd probably matter). her songs are cool and stuff, but personality-wise, i'd say she has a leetle bit to work on. then again, this could be some sort of sensationalist reporting, and it would be interesting to see if this was true or not.

moving on to other, more lighter matters, metaphorically speaking. considering wushu, i have decided to stay on, at least for a while. if not, then the newer batch will overtake me. talk about embarassment :P now i ache. too long since i had last trained. oh well.

go stare at the moon, my friends. :)

hello there. me tired coz we went up to desaru to scope out the hotels there. apparently we're gonna spend christmas there :| oh Well. we pretty much slept the way up and the way down. the way down was a LOT more peaceful, probably because my brothers were asleep. that meant no more playing mechwarrior ("an odin does NOT have a jump jet" or "HOW many long-toms did you say you had? thought you were using max erppcs!"), no more endless talking about wc3 (i know i like it, but 1 hour of endless "who does this sound like?" can get a bit irritating, especially when little boys try to imitate night elf voices, the horror), and no more screaming. plus, there was the view. it was cool because the seat i was in was facing backwards, so when cars passed us it was like some sort of mechanical sweeper throwing light in front of it and sweeping it up as it went. if i looked to the right (not easy - crick in neck still here :| ), i could see the trees whizzing past and the car headlights spotlighting and running in front of my vision. plus the moon. its a full moon tonight. HOW many of you people actually look at the moon? its cool :) go and switch off all the lights right now and stare up at the moon. if anything, you'll feel less stressed. ANYWAY, it edges everything in silver, pearl-silver, so everything looks strange, even mundane things like a sleeping little brother. :P bear with me please. i need to exercise descriptive writing anyway :P

excuse me. i think i shall go look at the moon now. its cool.

"i prefer moonwashed apples of wonder to the golden apples of the sun"

skateboarding ROCKS! but, its advisable to take out wallet and huge brick aka phone when trying to do so. my brick cum phone kept stabbing me in the kidneys. PLUS i gotta neck crick from ollieing, dont know how. BUT, i can ollie a bit now! hooray! gaah. after skateboarding i cycled all the way towards the other end of the botanic gardens, and by the time i got there, it was more of "excuse me, let me just curl up and die right now." SO, i tried to get a ride home from my family because, well, they came in a CAR. and i CYCLED there. i guess they weren't planning on me taking a bike. so i had to try to fit the bike into the car before they managed to get there.

i had to take the front wheel off at the end. it wouldnt fit otherwise.

came home, watched nurse betty, now reeling at the overdose of soap opera. the comic relief was good though. oh well.......

help. my neck is stuck. i think i shall, as aforementioned, curl up and die. good bye.

the joy: enetation is down, and "no user accounts are supposed to be affected by this [ie the shutdown]". why am i so special, then? ok, so maybe its not just me. apparently claud's is also down.

i woke up this morning in a state of shock, thinking that the day was sunday and i had missed my piano lesson. if you have faced down an angry shrill-voiced mom then you'd know what the wrath of my piano teacher is like, approximately. spent the next five minutes repeating to myself "its saturday. piano is sunday". then spent the next half an hour getting up. :|

was planning to do some image editing, but dad cajoled me into coming to his office and filing. HAH. resulted in the extremely interesting knowledge that filing is utterly mundane, boring, brain-numbing and can fill your brain with fluff within five minutes. it was made doubly worse when my dad disclosed that he had not been filing for 2 years. 2 YEARS! even an absolute slacker like me or someone else could NOT get away with 2 years worth of un-filability (unfilability? unfilebility?).

argh. will now go ponder WHY i need a half-hour lunch as well, and why i should / should not have a handphone.

hmm. went out. tired now. very amusing though. see, we were talking outside the cinema before going in, and suddenly this guy pops up and snaps a photo of jinin, apparently on a bet for 5 bucks. ok, fine and dandy, then someone said something, couldnt hear what. the response courtesy of amanda: "go get laid, you mother******"

ouch :P

went bowling. forgot how fun it was, man. must go bowling again! heheheheh. even though i have degenerated, i SHOULD be able to break 100 after about 2 more tries, at least. who wants to go??

hmm. lanning. UT2003 is cool man. the ADRENALINE rush. :) still. i have to brush up on wc3 if i want to beat preet. *sigh* i REALLY need to brush up on |\|\\| u83r u|\|133+ 512111z0r. bugger.

heheheh. ended up going to hong's place and skateboarding. must learn to ollie man. will now swear to skate regular and not goofy. but goofy is more familiar. but i cant ollie when skating goofy. oh well. i resolve not to make sense here.

on a saner note, it appears that the naughty table is about to become a fixture in my daily life. apparently this is so that i can pace myself when eating. like im running a marathon. apparently, if eating is a race, then im sprinting the whole way. sheesh. oh well. and fruits as well *sigh* will now apparently have to ask for excuses before leaving the table :(
someone help me please??


freaky link of the day: Venus Flytraps. switch on the sound.

hehheheheheh.

wow. eventful.

for the bored: summary of exams.
the one with the least time available - emaths
the one with the most "dont know how to do" questions - physics
the most nerve-wracking - music paper 3 (practical exam)
the easiest (relatively) - bio

generally. heheheheheheh.

XLAB! problem. hahahahahha! claud has granted us a reprieve. i think. PLEASE let it be a reprieve. i hate attempting to maul vb to get an active x control onto the bloody form.

stayed over at jinins house. stayed up to 2 am playing grim fandango. THEN had soft toy fight. there is something very petrifying about a huge tree frog flying at your face. it hurts, too.
snooze alarm is a problem. didnt work too. we woke up about 20 minutes overtime. :P

*grin* have heard a very interesting quote today. im sure some of you know what it is. has to do with people's ability to play sports. :P
ow my knee. now have science of discworld! happy :)

ooh. remeniscing. remember when my mom used to have a punishment called the "naughty chair". :P if you were bad, you'd sit on the chair and stay there for 5 minutes. well, now we have an upgrade: the naughty table. this is where you have to sit at the table for a minimum of 30 minutes for dinner, and 10 minutes for fruits/dessert/stuff after dinner. PLUS, you can only leave when your elders have left the table.
i pity my littlest brother :P

EXAMS OVER euphoria. also tired. will go sleepy.

i have a bloody stupid little brother who has just given away our wc3 cd key. now we cant go on bnet.

i am gonna kill him.

hmm. the haze is bad, if it is haze. even after 2 days of rain and its STILL bad.

exam update. im gonna fail emaths. not that there was any other surprise, but i didnt even finish it, which adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "im gonna fail."

now i actually MEAN it. more, at least.

whoo. 15 mins and half a lana cake gone. heheheheh. 4 pieces of varying sizes is good. plus bak kwa and im sated. little bros birthday, what else?

i have had to measure my height with a tape measure. what IS it with these obscure questions that people ask to determine your shirt size??

that grey stuff is either haze or mist.

bah. dont ask me for weather predictions.

icing sugar tastes great. albeit a bit...erm...too sugary? nevermind.

i like it when it rains. heavily. after this, theres not gonna be lotsa haze for a while :)

bio. hands down easiest paper i shall ever come across. do not ask about haemoglobin and how it regulates pH.

HOW can i get an f9 for combined humans? they didnt put in the marks for history or ss or one of those. in the end, i just end up one mark short of an a1. argh.

not looking forward to emaths.

2 more days to go, hmm hmm :P

Which Element Represents You?
created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

interesting.

VERY eventful.

for one thing, we went on a shopping spree. i am now loaded with black and red and white shirts/blouses. wunderbar. oh, and i officially hate those little beepers that go "ding dong" mechanically whenever you enter a store. metro put it at the entrance to the changing rooms. do you know HOW many times people walk through that tiny entrance???? i ended up muffling the blasted thing everytime i walked through.

the esplanade was CROWDED. seriously. you walk through, you get swamped. everyone got lost at least once. the walkie-talkies came in really handy there.

my prediction was correct! i met gayle there :P just before i went back with my brother to get the camera

z-friends was fun. again, we got the indiana jones thing :). i wanted to bug yong tseng, but he went backstage and i couldnt exactly follow aunty tina.

do you know how HARD it is to get food there? even marina square was crowded. we ended up da-bao-ing and went back to the hotel room to watch the fireworks.

try fitting 6 people in 1 room. i ended up with a very hyperactive brother. he kept jumping on me. he bruised my shin.
but the ultimate icing on the proverbial cake was when he starting singing "when we'll get there". i tried covering him with the blanket (twice), my pillow, and whacking him.

he just sounded very echoey.

my mom couldnt stop laughing.

we knocked the soup over when i tried to whack him with the pillow again. half an hour of cleaning up in the dark. erg.

that was a majorly condensed version of today.

now back to bio.

ooh. evidence that the particulate nature of matter does exist - my grandma's friend just arrived. she is in the dining room. i can smell her perfume from the bedroom im in now.

*grin* eventful day is up ahead. and its only 1 pm

got woken up by the hamster again. theres something about little claws kneading your back that ensures you wake up enough.

minesweeper has become the most annoying, frustrating and addictive game right now, for lack of anything better to play.

going to the esplanade later at 2 pm. hmm. staying the night at a hotel. oh well. fun fun :). knowing my luck, ill probably just bump into people i know there. then again, probably not.

now to study bio.

What is your primary Magic: The Gathering color?
brought to you by Quizilla


taking the quiz became sorta redundant because i already knew the incarnations :|

im surprised i have degenerated into taking quizzes :P

hmm. sleep is good. conk out on your sofa! huzzah!

yum chocolate.

augh. brain drain.

erg. cream-biscuit-flavoured macvities digestives dont go down well. erm. FINE. they were kept in the biscuit tin! just that it wasnt empty.

my wrist is officially on offline mode. or mebbe standby. not because i wrote too much for lit today, just that i wrote it in a very awkward position so now my wrist is on strike. the fact that i am typing now is entirely a moot point - i may be developing carpal tunnel syndrome, but keyboard carpal tunnel syndrome is a totally different thing altogether.

you know how your wrist flops around when you go down the stairs? well, my left hand is obedient to this rule, but my right hand insists on doing its 'steel bar' impersonation.

if you put a 20 tonne weight on my hand, it wouldnt be my wrist that would go, it would be my arm.

on the bright side, it now ensures that i do not lazily rest the heel of my hand on the keyboard hand rest, so i have less chance of developing keyboard cts. see? told'ya it was a moot point.

hmm. chem. screwed up. 'nuff said. lit? read above.

ahh, blessed blessed weekend,
i am afeared it will be gone all too soo-

ok. OUT of r&j mode NOW.

set.mode="comp specs"

now. how do you want your computer ma'am? work mode? games mode?

i think work.

hate chem. hate chem. hate chem.

hate mindmaps on love in r&j. romeo is a whiny brat.

hmm. romeow and mewliet. i wonder who could that be....

*runs and ducks for cover*

am horrified at my inability to concentrate on studying.

am certain i shall fail.

diediedie

hah. internet back up, hooray. only on this comp though. we cant play wc3 online, so brothers are mildly annoyed. they would be more annoyed if i hadnt told them that i had had up to here (i.e. my neck) with fixing the blasted thing and i did not want to do it until i found the manual. they stopped being so annoyed after that. it didnt stop them from being annoying.

annoyed. studied history, particularly the russians, and they came out for source based. huzzah. tomorrow is chem and lit. i is overjoyed.

sam forgot about music exam. she kept thinking that there wasnt until we managed to get confirmation from fran. classic sam :)

hmm. r&j now. and then chem papers. hooray. at least 3 to finish.

hmm. eventful indeed.

am on enforced cold turkey owing to internet being down for some reason. we can recieve, but sending is another matter. as my brother so succintly put it, the computer is damn boring without the internet.

he didnt have to go on about how he couldnt play online games though. we arent supposed to :|

anyway. was trying to fix the damned thing, and in the end mom decided to call the support line. and we took it out to the tv outlet to work it. well, my mom called me over to help, so i ambled over and tried to fix up the cable from the scv cable point to the stupid "surfboard" modem. we couldnt get a signal. no recieving either. AFTER the whole hoo-ha, my mom finally realised that the blasted thing was not even connected to the cable point.

turns out i had taken the cable connecting the scv thing to the tv, and not the one connecting the scv thing to the cable point.

oops.

amaths? died. apparently emaths is harder. whoo. super dead.

lit? hah. went on the wrong track for a while, and ended up rushing the paper. finished the last question in half-an-hour. deaded.

chinese? crazy. lessee now. my tien xie han zi went wonky (so much for 3 hour tuition the day before). screwed up everything else. ah well.

shall go home and swear at lenin.

shit im dead

have not memorised poems.

what am i doing here?

jeez.

screwed up my ss paper. BLOODY DECON QUESTION!!!

who the hell knows about the gulf war??! about all we know is, as claudia so nicely put it, that the us bombed iraq 'cause saddam was bad.

what the hell.

screw THAT.

i shall now study for amaths, which i slept through the remedial today. wahey.

on the plus side, the ulcer's healing. visibly. i can stand in front of the mirror and watch it close up.
it dont hurt no more. duh.
yeahyeah oxymoron.
you know what? im so dead i dont care about no moronic ox.

argh. bad jokes show how far gone am i.

i exist solely for your entertainment.

so yeah. sue me.

hiding my face in a blanket of pixels
trying to shut out the sounds
hammering their sordid way into my ear,
with loaded words
and exploding silences.

yeah, fights over, move on.

my head aches
trying to maintain the barriers
but they come crumbling down anyway,
result of too much battering
by spiked words.

its a war zone in here.

i cant sleep at night.

escapism into electronics,
drawing the web closely
a second skin
to hide in,
but a fragile one indeed.

my back - a wall to the world
the small world i return to everyday,
opened with a skeleton key
(the skeletons are in the closet,
second turning down the hall)
to a flesh-defined whirl
of colours.

if you could see emotions,
then everything here would be tinted with hate-red
blue-suffering
black-despair
green-pain.

its cracking up,
and there's absolutely nothing i can do
about it.

welcome to my crazy world.
please step in,
mind the doormat,
and your head,
and your sanity.

it wont be yours for long.

break up the riot.

i come back
shes crying.
he's probably somewhere else.
i dont blame him.

the world = blows against
my mainframe
beware the power shortage

why do you think i dont want
to be here?

so here i am,
back in my bed of bytes,
and this is how you see me
the person in the computer
(the man in the moon was outdated
he took an early retirement)
you wont see the real me,
you wont want to

and i wont let you.



btw, im wolf, on wcooler. so yeah. copyright still applies. steal this and ill kill you

yegods. im dead.

left my fscking notes in class. and the textbook.
yep its all cracking up.
and ooh. bio teacher to little bro who is currently needing help on anaerobic respiration. ANAEROBIC, not INAEROBIC.
littlest bro getting cheekier. shout at mom? daring.
man im dead. and im good at it.
really tired.
mood of the moment=stressed
song of the moment=Brahms- a German Requiem. apt, no?
i know, im gonna look back on this tomorrow and think how terribly pathetic i am but yeah, look at yesterdays. now THAT sucked. thats it. im gonna be a cynic and frozen one at that. zygote.

what the HELL are smes?

why does ss have to be so complicated?

why the hell am i doing it?

mood of the moment: frustrated
song of the moment: Smetana - The Moldeau

have just finished mncs.

have just realised how much deep shit i am in.

wahey.

hmm. lessee now. not feel like studying ss. my current state of mind is as follows:
oh god i hate myself. why cant i be a good sister to them? why the hell do i have to blow my top at them? i tried cutting myself with the scissors. didnt work. i cant force myself to do it, dont have the guts. so i just opened the wound in my leg again. suicide wont solve anything, but i dont see whats wrong with maiming. i just let it trace round my face. thing is i cant maim, and i just cant bring myself to do it. i fuckinghatemyself.ok.ivetriedtogetmyselfoutofthisdepressionbuticant and it sucks, really. i know that its not helping and i cant stop it. center of the universe, thats me. i even screamed at her, and she's older, she helps me a lot, and only my brothers do that. im not the one who can afford to lose control. go cold, stuff them down, the feelings have to be locked up. its not exam stress, that i know. i dunno. i just spent 15 minutes crying myself dry then i stopped slowly. why cant i be a better sister? why do i have to lose control? second time already.oh god. notagain. i need to learn how to control myself. help me, please. bleeding is good,stops the pain. going cold. am i just doing this for the attention? not this time. isuck.ifuckingsuck. i know theres people out there who believe in me, but right now i just dont believe in myself. im sorry, ive let you down, butyouwontseemelikethis.iwontletyou.
hah.thats it.

current mood: jaded
current song: jars of clay - worlds apart

hmm. have just found out that another of my friends has 7 A1s and 1 A2. BEFORE moderation. jeez. not that it made a difference to him. crikey.

hah. music exam. realised i HADNT studied enough of indonesian balinese gamelan music and so didnt know what to put for the instruments. bah. at least the rest wasnt so bad. by the good grace of someone up there, i managed to realise that it was a suona that was blasting my eardrum into pieces, and thanks to a concert i had been to about 4-8 months ago. i knew generally what it looked like. so i crapped something about double reeds and left it at that. the rest...well the pieces were really tricky. and the air conditioner behind me kept acting up.

BAH.

so i came home and crashed on the couch from 11-12.45pm. after stoning at bad tv shows. sure, richie rich was something i liked when i was young, but now it just seems plain fake, like those shows where the kid goes "look , we've found the !" in a humongously fake accent like an adult trying to act like a kid, which is what it is. fell asleep after checking out mtv. ARGH. i need a LIFE. apparently they're very useful :P

oh. and duku reacts violently with ulcers, resulting in the production of pain and expletives. the pain can be neutralised with lemon water, which leaves a residue[al] "clean" taste. the expletives, however, cannot be neutralised.

i love chem. bring on the chemical equations! bring on the sulphuric acid!

my blasted lip is swollen from the ulcer. it has been for the past 2 days. apparently my immunity system is down so the herpes virus causes mouth ulcers.

bloody hell.

ok fine. so i didnt spend the whole day blogging and stuff. but we did break 100k for text twist on zone.com :) the bad thing is that the comp didnt register it. AAAAAAARGGGH. dammit. you cant register scores on the school lan. blasted routers.

i said school was optional.

man, i wasnt kidding.

half the class did not come, and i MEAN half. the irony that melly came today is just hilarious. :Þ. anyway, still had maths, ms ng let us goof off her lesson (yay!) but mrs pang interrupted us during our 100k text twist roll. :(. oh well.

we were planning to do revision. we never got down to it, ha ha. but, me and jinin managed to play the hungarian rhapsody PROPERLY-ish, actually getting past the first two pages without every restarting with a "one-two". maked improvement. i bet auntie mary will tone down her screaming a decibel or two, three at the most.

ahahahahaha. my music listening exam is tomorrow. i can feel the euphoria coming on now. COME ON MAN! I JUST *LURVE* LISTENING TESTS! the fact that i fail them beyond recognising is totally a moot point.

on a lighter note, my braces can finally come off after 2.5 years, and apparently the whole thing is supposed to take 3 years. so, like, come on the 16th! exams will be over and ill get my braces off. the 18th can wait. im getting a retainer. hahahhahahhahah.

now go away. ive gotta listen to cds and figure out which instrument is which, how gagaku sounds like, and memorise gamelan instruments.

how am i gonna keep myself off the net? or off the comp for that matter

hah. sarah was right. i cant stay off the net. not for long. im just popping on to blog, and send stuff to ms ng.

hehehehehheh. school tomorrow will be optional. i shall be playing guitar and blogging throughout. and playing the hungarian rhapsody. and studying occasionally. whee!!!

softball today was fun. got my "super bat" again, ie hit the ball way far out. hooray me. it only happens on the second time, and thats it. and i cant catch for nuts. jinin did a rather spectacular slide in front of amanda's feet. amanda wasnt too happy :|.

ooh. i have hit my nerve/tendon on the back of my hand AGAIN. not too hard this time, but DAMMIT, it HURTS!!!!

thats all. now to do past year papers, and past past year papers, and past times 10 to the power of 10 papers....

and present mcqs and papers. oh, the joy.

another muse poem:


I am tired
of your fickle whims.
You come up and tap me from behind
then saunter off,
somehow always managing to stay in front of
me
struggling to follow your androgynous figure.

I'd cage you, but i know that you will not consent
(who would?),
and you are too fast and fickle for me to catch you.

I know you're too proud to admit,
but you know as well:
constantly perched on my shoulder and whispering a strange language into my ear.
They translate, but as pictures in my mind,
scenes and memories.
You understand, as i do, that it torments me,
running through scenes of glory and carnage,
touching and tragic
poignant and malevolent,
magnificent in some strange, twisted yet sublime way,
and hidden behind mist, closed doors, and cracked glass.

You know i'm desperate,
for some way for people to see this,
yet realising
i have only words
with which to paint the picture for them.

Oh, you delight in torturing me indeed.

I must be a masochist.
If i were to treat you like a bird, and let you fly away,
would you come back? would you bother?
i doubt it.
that's why i tolerate you,
amd feed off you.

You are angel and devil juxtaposed,
both at the same time, yet neither.
A beauty so wild, it would take the world to contain you,
and more.
I want to cage you, to keep you to myself,
a widows cruse of dreams.

But even if i did, i sense that you would wither and fade away,
your flame starved of oxygen,
saturated and tormented
atrophied
to nothing,
and one day, i'd find the only thing left,
a shadow of elf-glamour
lingering
in the glade,
while mocking laughter echoes in the ear.

did i mean that? i dont think so.

hah. cold, nearly frozen watermelon is good.

have FINALLY got the comments thing up.

the blasted chair disintegrated when i was carrying it above my head to the other room. the cushion fell on me. we're talking cushion with a HARD wood covering. it, of course, landed butter side down = the hard bit landed on my head.

crap. must study! you people got me into this mess!!

lemon water is good. im now going on standby.

Joel. Is. An. IDIOT.

how the HELL can you get 7 for your blasted prelims. yeah, you can but......

AARGH. bloody shit. congrats, joel.

and im not even prepared for exams. wahey.

Studying. nuff said.

and i didnt fall asleep during tuition. wonderful.

shit. i need sleep.

winamp is STILL screwing up, and i dont know HOW to fix it.

music is NOT going well.

dont ask about lit.

or chinese.