mm nearly forgot. some prom photos you wanna see are on the madhouse link have fun :D

i suppose i should write about perth. the land of freezing and burning, where you can cycle forever [or at least until your fingers numb up with the thrill of speeding on endless paths without crazy buses next to you], where the place is quiet and scenic and comfy and poky. or rather, i should be writing application essays - my life is filled up with noise and sound until i leave for thailand to make peace with my inner guilt, to talk with an expanded group of conscience, to be a secular haven in a self-inflicted and percieved world of un-secularism. [i have no faith, i'm afraid, i lost it long ago.] its a pensive night, brought on by frozen liquor and crosswine and bakerzinlogcake, and i will ramble till my lips crack from the vinegar that pours from the uvula, the thing that hangs from the back of your mouth, looks like an organic stalactite and sounds vulgar. my brain drizzeleth from my throat, acrid and looking like a punkcomicpicture of a strangled duck [i dont know either, just thought it sounded right].
but still. tonight i mourn the world. as appointed, like before.
i will sit, and listen to the noise in my head and come to terms. i'll choke on my catharsis, curl up in a ball, perhaps wake up tomorrow to gently, gently take the mask take the mask floating just above my face and press it on, imprinted, absorbed, and implode.i cannot compete. i cannot force my way in if you threw away the key. green is the colour, bilious and scouring.
and then i'll think about it, savour it, and stick it in the secretive places, the proverbial back of my closet, to be taken out at 2 am when the world blinds[ides] [it to] you and you dont want to think and the world is done its mourning for the day and all that is left is the sardonic, resigned remnant of time as it cheshired away

ugh. deferred.

prom was..amusing. quite so. heh. although bing was right: its kinda like a zoo. pictures all over. but a zoo of memories, i guess. too really tired to post much...pleh. so much for a haven of memories.

on a side note, i wonder if forgiveness is really a self-preservation tactic. i mean, people forgive because it's the Done Thing, but really if it's someone you know, as in KNOW, then i wonder. do you forgive because you cannot imagine that person with that sin on their sheet? that blemish on the facet they present to you? so you scab it over, because you can't really function normally with the ghost of that incident in the way, but you know its there, and they know you know its there, and you know they know its there...and...yeah. existential fun.

hurhur just watched a movie of my mom when she was small. twas run on one of those really old camera things, that have the wheels and the strip of film and constantly rattles...wow. just amazing, it works after 20 years :\ and watching parents when they were small is always hilarious :D

well i guess i'm back hah. lotsa things happening, some good, some bad, some bittersweet, but it's all fine i guess. BLOODY A LEVELS HAD BETTER END NOW. well, i wish. still two more to go, i guess i'm resigned to whatever i get now...though having jimmy gets high stuck in my head the whole time during chem paper 1 can't be good...hah well. dunno what to do with myself after the As. think i'll redesign this. no worries, i'll keep the hugeass tagboard.

on a slightly political note, i laugh at bush's attempt to get into asia, too late, too late. tis the rise of the little chinese men - monty python took the right idea. and heh the review on france was an interesting thing: i figured france's method of dealing with racial integration was kinda like the nyt article on community - it dealt with issues by not calling them issues. swept it under the carpet, in a way, and now it's coming back to bite them on the ass :\ oh well.

AHHH GETTITOVERGETOVERIT.

mm.

wow last day of school. didn't think i'd actually be sorry to see the last of school, but it's actually quite sad to know we wont be seeing each other as often anymore. heh. well, the farewells were said, the teachers thrown and taupoked and we ended up in sentosa, where i ended up playing 3 hours of soccer. i think i probably should work on actual playing instead of ramming into people and freaking them out. have bruises on shin, cut on foot and sprained finger. bleah. and now i'm really tired. been tired since i stopped playing. i'm in the state of mind where i think straight, but there's a short circuit between my brain and my mouth, so i say things either incoherently or inadverdantly. oops.

aaah tootired. thanks all :D should've hung out with you guys more. sorry :(

regrets...

music of the moment - creed - six feet from the edgeone last breath

mm. che funky

omgomgogmgomg so saaaad. school's ending, just when it was getting fun. ALWAYS like that. anyways. fun stuff include pizza after school courtesy of mr rama. and then, for that, we had to post the sat registration stuff up for him. then there was biking around namly/leedon area today under a fantastic blue sky and i was HAPPY :D

yeah, don't take much to make me happy.

mood of the moment - happy/content
music of the moment - danko jones - cadillac
coldplay - everything's not lost

when i counted up my demons
saw there was one for everyday
with the good ones on my shoulder
i drove the other ones away..

ahhh i gotta get into the groooove...studying that is. i'm getting there i think..it seems like studying is easier after exercise, like soccer :P soccer is...amusing. especially when you end up with a 3 meter radius around you coz the guys dont dare tackle you. pleh. unfunness.

on a side note, i hate hate HATE corrupted files. my complete sandman is CORRUPTED. and the one i have now is INCOMPLETE. like, crap.

on -another- side note, i'll never look at physics in the same way again. the sort of crap we start talking about is so blatantly euphemistic you can't repeat it in normal conversation. well, relatively sedate and normal conversation. omg, i can never regard shm in the same way again.

music of the moment - guns 'n' roses - paradise city

i am a freudian dreambot godot.

i am godot.

flitterthoughts:
- the primality(primalness?) of rock is my salvation since i cant find it where i want it. i get an almost feral grin when i hear the distortion, and i can forget what i want to forget, at least for the 4 minutes and 8 seconds that give me wings
- wings. things that i dream about along with other people, the cast that includes so many others. do dreams expose things i understand subconsciously? it would make a lot of things fall into place, and explain many more.
- omgomgimgonnafailalevelsahmorespecificallysphysicsbecauseimtotallyscrewedinmybasicbasicphysicsOHTHEIRONYOFITALL

eee. i need a hug. i need the comfort. :(

panicpanicpanichmmmmmmmm

hurhur whatev.

oh. ROFLCOPTER!!!!!1 hahahahahahhah..

i've been wandering around for a day with one blocked nostril. periodically it will taste the air of freedom and i will be happy, then it will maliciously revert. trying to blow it clear makes me feel like air pressure is building up in my the right side of my cranium, makes air come out my tear duct, and doesn't work.

crap i think i need my vitamin c.

hoho me dad brings out the gin&tonic and follows it up with a campari soda and lets us try more liquors. he probably needed pain deadners from the run :P

i didnt realise just how much liquor we had. its quite a few bottles, and there's definately more stashed away somewhere.

kahluamilk makes me HAPPY.

y'know all those lyrics i post doesnt do justice to what i feel when the music plays. can't be captured.

but i am HAPPY.

hell yeah. little things are good for the soul.

this makes me HAPPY :D if help is needed in installing *hemhem* just drop a line or something.

you make me feel like i can fly
so high

elevation

...but now that your lips are burrning mine
i'm beginning to see the light...

hell yeah.

you muddied the waters with your
deferences and determinations,
paradigms and parameters,
[all unstated of course, how could you
say it to my face]

but i am complicit, i suppose in not
telling you my side of the picture
[it is cold, dark and impersonal on this
other side of the portrait. you know how eye[s]
follow you around the room like a
broken chain
tracing your face, your
features are imprinted, indelible like
india ink.]

how can scribbles on paper, little
phrases telling us what we should know have so much
IMPACT
[the thud of bodies
hitting the ground, clutching feebly at
straws and stares of the
ex[am]cutioners]
on every one of us.

set me free, please
i want to
fly
soar

but
icarus-winged i am, desperate for your
attention and self-destructive in my
attempt.

--------------
it's back! it's back! my muse! omg!

SQUEEEEE!!!

you have NO idea how bereft i've been.


music of the moment - jars of clay - worlds apart
mood of the moment - sadly elated

i'm normally secular, almost atheistically so. but i think today's worship was effective. like we figured out in iggy's choir, we're there to lead, not perform, and many of those people who try to lead worship can't get the people to sing. but ben, jonk, daniel and yangshen did a great job. never heard so many people singing.
if only we didnt have a homily after that...

but i'm getting faith. dunno about in god, but i'm getting it back slowly in myself. long, slow process, but its there. and it makes me want to cry at the wonder of it all.


...she breathes the air and flies away...

...[the people] stare into nowhere,
and can't feel the chains
on their souls...


i want to fall in love with
you

PASTAFARIANISM!!!

i'd join it if only to be able to call myself pastafarian.

the rach3 helped. a bit.

i have all these hokkien words running through my head that shouldnt be said out loud. and our favourite four letter word. just freaked out my brother by suddenly screaming at the highest possible pitch (which is comparable to sarah's, and vastly louder). how the hell did i degenerate????

the whole class was laughing in shock and horror. i mean, what the hell. its not like we're all stupid. what's going on? heh it could be the sb2 curse, but fuck that, i'm not gonna let it dictate me.

omgomgomgmogomgimgonnaDIE. fuck i've never been this unprepared in my life.

yeah, i'm cool, i'm calm, and i cant punch things because of piano. FUCK.

for you i'd bleed myself dry,
for you i'd bleed myself dry.

you know, we're not apathetic. that's just an euphemism, a cheap and convenient excuse condoned by the government to explain the determination not to care. but it's not determination. it can stem from utter despair, the sinking pit in your stomach that tells you that nothing's going to change, that rockbed of certainty that will be there today, tomorrow and forever. it can stem from hopelessness, or tiredness. but we dont have these worries, priviliged singaporeans that we are. we dont need to care about this kinda thing. so they say. we're just as trapped, in a way. trapped by the trappings of society, the wealth and the rat race, the carrot and the stick, and we don't care because we dont need to work. we've got it made. we're the lazy, the tired, and we can't be bothered to care because it takes up too much energy.

stercus accidit. REALLY. i dont know, but i had so much riding on the prelims, and wow. screwed up, big time. its not just the grades, its the finding out that i let people down. that can be unbearable. and my second and third thoughts are telling me that i'm blowing this out of perspective. i hate being rational. and again, i sometimes hate being passionate.
being passionate's a mug's game. keeps you awake :\
damn, i can't please everyone.

stercus.

aaaahhhhh gettoutoffitgettoutoffitgettoutttofffittttt.


and now, i look back at this (only 2 minutes later) and i LAAAAUGH.
stercus stercus stercus moriturus sum.

rach3intermezzoadagio, more than rach2 today.

hurhur this during computing class :D i foresee distractions galore

hurhur if you type in "failure" on google, guess what's the first entry that comes up.

and on side notes:
the ultimate in convenience
cute :D

i noticed as i was walking towards bus stops (my entire morning until now has been plagued with bus stops) that many people were toting umbrellas. well, the sun is scorching, and i suppose i'm a walking promotion of that particular point of wisdom. a lack of sunblock can do wonders for your complexion and a marked increase in pain. i can't even scrunch my nose without wincing. come to that i can't even shrug without going "ow" thanks to wakeboarding (and carrying my bag around for the whole damn morning while trudging towards bus stops). but wakeboarding was fun (and expensive -.-). it's a lot like snowboarding except saltier, less painful (thanks to water) and more risky. risky in the sense of jellyfish. its really hard to get chewed up by propellers when the tow line is at least 5 meters out. in any case, daniel got stung by a jellyfish. i dont know whether the pain from the jellyfish sting[s] is worse or the humiliation of the treatment. daniel assures me that they are comparable. in any case, he didn't go into the water again.

lesson learnt from wakeboarding: do not laugh while drinking gin and 7up. you will die.

moving on to other lessons learnt, i found out that you may THINK you forgot something, but in reality you haven't. like when i tried to play my old piano pieces (because scholarship people dont trust your credentials and insist on hearing you on cd. i should just get someone else to play for me and send it to them.) amazingly, i can remember how to play them (more or less). why do i bring this up? because when you think you forget something, it only takes a trigger to bring things to the surface. like the god of small things. (good book, by the way, i recommend it.) have you ever seriously seriously cried? like a snake has constricted itself around your throat and your chest and is spasming? and it has gone down your nose and you can't breathe at all and you can only gasp but you can only do one thing at a time and that is either gasp or cry and you can't stop crying? its like the world has diminished into your head and is throbbing to get out and you lose track of your surroundings and time and all you wish is for it to be over, over, over.

yeah.

on the station platform rahel doubled over and screamed and screamed

so i'm back after a month long hiatus, and i'm nursing a whole lotta new things. like a sunburn for instance. went wakeboarding at punggol (far out, WAY out) and owwwww. all over. i'm already feeling achey.

and i was gonna post more things on how fingers never really forget and stuff but that has to wait a bit because mom's chasing me to bed. bleah. it's the holidays!!

shall ask her about zouk. again. hoo hoo. mom flippy.

HAH i FIXED my COMP. take THAT stupid piece of MACHINERY! NYAH.

and ooh i got an optical mouse.

woah sushifull :| very happy-ness :D

who sent the chocolates?? :|

HAHAHAHHA I LOVE MY CLASS yeurpyep :D:D:D:D

thanks to all you crazy people i love you guys lots haha and jing jing the mastermind i thoroughly didnt expect you to take the icecreamcake seriously :P and thanks tzesiew for getting it (and bing for telling me he didnt get it:| err yeah but i'll still kick your ass at badminton :P) woohoo great day haha my family loves the soft radio thing (my mom couldn't stop laughing at it really she was tickled pink) yay for sokyih's hat! it's so funky :D and really singing happy birthday many many times is slightly embarrasing but very fun :D and we have to get that multiple intelligence probability question down so we get dinner on thursday ogay?! wheeee!!!!!!

WAAAAHHAAHHAHAHHAHH I HARTH DARTH!@!!!!!!!11ONE!

this ranks alongside eets.

heeheehee debra made my day. chocolate raisins!! mmmm :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

twas a good day today. quite happy. would be happier if i weren't so tired.

ok OFF the comp. NOW.

itunes just went to jamroquai's virtual insanity. yes.

rach 2 adagio night.

WHERE -ARE- YOU YOU'RE DRIVING ME MAD

hahahahahahah i love the damn computer it lost me my post. i blame the maple story running on brother's comp. anyways. ju your spag strap has reconfirmed my dislike for the thing. it's a nice spag strap, but you're a bit smaller than me so since it has a limited surface area...the attention is occasionally amusing, and occasionally disturbing. hooray for shawls.

STRecruit was boring. no uni booths, except for nus and stat boards with scholarships. walked around with neha, and kept bumping into people. i suppose theres only so much land area in singapore, but seriously, there were a LOT of people i knew there. well STRecruit thing understandably - preusempeople! like johannes and mark, but i also saw people from the party like mun and peter...

speaking of which, adi's leaving! :( poor cow. he'd better take care, else he'd get lynched. and the party was...amusing. what's with all the booze. oh well. pity i'd to leave early. gotta study.

i wish i didnt have to. i wish i didnt need to worry about these things. i want to toss a football/rugby ball around with someone. i dont want to have to study. but i should. so i guess this is a good way to end off and start the seclusions, with these memories. will take solace in velvet revolver. love the bass line.

music of the moment - velvet revolver - slither
mood of the moment - pensive-ish. thinking, too.

..when you seek me you'll destroy me
rape my mind and smell the poppies
born and bloodied every single time..

where -are- you.

any more looking at complex numbers and i'll DIE.

on a side note:
believe it or not, THIS is a beatles song.
this is quite cool
eat this and die of diabetes

hocrap. harry potter just burned out my entire night. so much for studying.

i still feel sorry for snape though.

you know how i have this uncompleted two level pond in the garden? since it was raining the whole day i just spent a happy five minutes splashing around in the drizzle and splashing the dog and the brother.

study? who cares! not for these five minutes anyways.

mood of the moment - happy!! ^^
music of the moment - the drizzle. so plunky! :D

keith and bing have overactive imaginations. hehehehehehhehe. we're running a new route, and then i say "we're running past an exhumed graveyard"
keith and bing: "..." b:"you dont have to say that" k:"we're picking up the pace"
me: "we're running towards it."
b: "thaaaanks!"
[commence running faster]
a few minutes later:
me: "ooh frangipani tree"
bing: "you know, you DONT have to point that out"

after which keith starts tapping bing on the opposite shoulder. and after the run we sit around and talk about ghosts. and you KNOW we have to walk up the green slope (we gave up on running). and THEN after the jostling to stay in the middle, keith says "eh, you know we shouldn't walk in threes. or ones." bing: "oh shit thanks keith"

you know, you can't pat them on the back. they freak out.

heheheheheheh.

the best bit was when we got back. since everyone had gone to bed or was going to bed, it was all dark. so the boys waited outside the glass door while i got my dad to open it. which meant that since my dad was holding his white shirt in his hand and appeared while keith was talking, it meant that keith and bing had 5 years of their life scared out of them.

snhsnhsnhsnhsnh.

on a side note, me spent a happy 3 hours restringing and cleaning guitar. it now shiny! go me! :D:D:D:D:D:D

and i think i took myself out of running. fell down while walking back to church from market [with jeremy].

yes, j, that was for you >p

went running with cows (keith and bing). quite fun. we talk too much after that though.

kinda stressed after realising the lack of time left. from now on anyone who sees me online please shout at me until i feel guilty enough to study.

i had something to say but i forgot. oh yes. i think here is the crazy frog

mood of the moment - tired
music of the moment - goo goo dolls - iris (thanks to justin >\ )

waaai 5 hours in line because IDIOTS CUT QUEUES MORONS DIMWITS *whap* but i finally got to see neil gaiman in the end :D he's quite a charmer. and infinately patient. heard he stayed until 12ish. so now i have 3 autographed gaiman books! including a mirrormask for 4 bucks (borders cards are YAY) mwahaha!

very tired now from body combat thing. heheh. it's bouncing around and punching air. or could be from the gym. or something. too tired to think. wanted to post thoughts on stuff we talked about in gp, but too tired. so tired. gah. and have stupid hard gp essay with the killer questions. *WHINGE*

but at least i got to catchup with people and be silly and existentialist. so that's all good and all. and the class is fun :D

on a side note, brother managed to pick my locked drawer. it's been locked for a year or two at least. so now i've got all my mtg cards back! :D:D

ooh the obligatory links for yanling :D
oh no! argyle ninja!
boingboing
practical applications of physics

on challenge from judith (you get your brother to do this!)

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Sonia
2. Boznia/Boz
3. Sonn

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Grim Squeaker
2. quetz
3. boz

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. lips
2. waist
3. shoulders

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. thighs
2. bowleggedness
3. err...blackheads?

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. hockchew
2. extendedededed family that's everywhere
3. 3 younger brothers 2 hamsters and a dog

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. losing someone. anyone.
2. unable to live up to expectations, any expectations
3. my friends hurting and being unable to help

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. phone
2. bounciness
3. friends

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. huge oversized grand hyatt bali shirt
2. nygh fbts that still fit
3. contacts

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. tom lehrer. aw yeah.
2. chopin
3. any freaking thing really :D

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. take five/watermelonman
2. bach's partita no 2 in c minor/chopin's ballade no 1
3. the rach 2/green day's time of your life. really, anything.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. long term ness
2. affection
3. stability (including commonsense)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. i <3 younger guys
2. i eat a lot
3. i've had a few crushes

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. general appearance. this includes how they carry themselves.
2. forearms
3. back. mmmm...muscly...:D [i see many people i know falling off chairs]

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. computer (playing games, on the net, chatting, etc)
2. running with friends
3. bumming around with friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. cuddle. someone.
2. eat SOMETHING (damn i'm hungry. brb. MIDNIGHTSNACK.)
3. magically acquire all the knowledge i need for the a levels

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1. diplomat
2. physicist
3. computer programmer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. the middle east
2. the baltic states/exsatellite states
3. italy (thanks to miss j's tales of Italy On Your Own)

THREE KID’S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. to be really honest, i have NEVER thought about this. alex? jess? jon? NFC really.
2. REALLY NFC.
3. ...... ask tze siew if you dont believe me.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. explore
2. fulfill
3. live

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. pc. fps. rts. xbox. halo. warcraft 3. unreal tournament.
2. i swear. lots. can be vulgar. better now though
3. judith says she can drink you under a table. i've never tried, but i suspect i could :D if not, violence. lots.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. err. tight clothing?
2. mild case of airheadedness
3. obsession over size of thighs

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. erm. tony vincent (simon zealotes in jc superstar movie)
2. errrrrrrrrrr. never really had others, come to that.
3. tony vincent's the only one that comes to mind

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. whoever hasn't
2. my brother(s) because it might just be amusing
3. i think the rest have, because like judith says, i never do these things.

yarr. there you go. mehheh.

someone just rang the doorbell. when i picked it up and said "hello?" someone said "ringo?"
"sorry?"
"ringo? pauline?"
"ah. holdon..."

turns out that was mom's old classmate. she was called ringo in njc because her hairstyle made her look like, yes, ringo starr.

...

WAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH!!! but i've seen it, and yes, it does. snhsnhsnh.

THISISACRAZYFROG

OMG I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D

www.eetsgame.com
EETS SO CUTE!!!

heheh two concerts in a row this weekend. the piano fest was fun, and the co concert was quite good. the comments were rather unneccesary though. and pleasepleasePLEASE if you're gonna say chinese words like "guzheng" and "yunan" and "du mu du mu" use PRONOUNCIATION. you just sound dumb otherwise.

it's good to catch up with people.

"...I see blood and destruction...elimination because of one man."

music of the moment - jesus christ superstar - jesus must die
mood of the moment - ehh...mildly stuffed, amused, etc.

i [heart] my class. we get to taupok our form teacher, we get to jump in the pool (and get form teacher to also get in the pool) and stuff like that for our photoshoot. we skip classes to take photos, we play baseball and volleyball in class and we laugh our butts off. :D

i [heart] danko jones. or rather i [heart] the basslines :D

i [heart] wacky people.

but reading focault requires total silence and utter absolute concentration. ergo, i don't quite [heart] focault.


music of the moment - danko jones - dance
mood of the moment - content

heeheehee. warning: mild nudity. rather, a fat woman getting out of the bathtub. get your mind out of the gutter.

ohhh and dschinghis khan is hilarious. finally found it on the net.



AHAHAHAHAHA!

OOG back from malaysia, land of good food, cold heights, LONG roads and leeches. went up to eat:
- the best ipoh hor fun in (where else) ipoh
- the best yim kok kai (salt-baked chicken) also in ipoh
- the best penang laksa (you can guess where)
- the best char kuay tiao also in penang
- the best kuay tiao th'ng also in penang
- the utterly crispiest roti canai (roti prata in sg)

and i'm now stuffed. and need to run a lot.

maxwell hill had a lot of leeches. the first one happened to my smallest brother. seeing this thing on his leg looping his way along towards his torso he goes "ooh look mom, so cute!" "it's a leech!" "YEEARRGH!!" *shakeshakefling*. and we subsequently walk along this dirt/mud track and suddenly we see these looping things coming at us. so we peer at it until we realise they're on us. cue panic, frenzied scraping off and running to the end of the track. thing is, that's the only way back. so other brother with phobia for wormlike things freaks out. we spend 15 minutes trying to get him down, and the only way we ALL get down is to run. real fast. after that we have periodic leech checks. and the second we get home we STAY home. and play a lot of mahjong.

ugh just came back from echo valley and a lot of beer and 100plus. and pizza. so feel very bloated. think balloon.

going up to m'sia, 5 hour drive, die die die. find "roots". should be fun. damn tree. ooh sierra squirrels.

do you REALLY want to play fpses?

watched the movie[dvd] version of jcsuperstar today, and it makes me think about what i've always thought about the passion of christ. apparently jc superstar was considered "blasphemous" when it first came out because it portrayed jesus as human (i.e he loved mary magdalene as humans do)and judas as much a victim as him.

i was a bit iffy with the jesus loving mary magdalene, but that really wasn't a problem. but i really didnt understand why judas being a victim was such a big deal. i dunno, i always thought he had the raw end of the deal. he was condemned and he didn't really have a choice in the matter...interestingly enough, he was like jesus in that respect. both were chosen, and both [most likely] didn't really want the "honour". only thing is that one ends up in heaven and the other is reviled.

on another note, i figure the musical on its opening night probably closed to thunderous applause. figures. at first we asked for beauty, we only appreciated it. i dont remember where i got this [probably from the straits times a while back] but some japanese artist prefers "grotesque" to "beauty" as an expression of art. so, it seems, do we. we appreciate tragic, flawed heroes, stories plays and musicals without happy endings, we have a morbid fascination with things that unsettle us...[what a twisted race we are]. although i wonder how long it'll take us to reach the point where, like how ankh-morpork has gone through deviousness and sped past every nasty trait to arrive at straightforwardness, we appreciate things for what they are. probably hard, if stuff like racism is anything to go by.

mmmmm walawala and indochine ÜÜ vodkaredbull and maitais ÜÜÜ and the company :D

waaai mahjong till SIXFREAKINGTHIRTYEHAEEMMINTHEBLOODYMORNING and then WAKEUPATTENBLOODYTHIRTYTHESAMEMORNING to play more mahjong. i think this qualifies as stupid. of course a lot of other things that can qualify as such but now its hard to think of them. or some of them. i'm surprisingly alert for 4 hours of sleep, and therefore i know that if i dont sleep soon i shall DIE tomorrow. therefore i shall sleep. at TENBLOODYPEEEMMTHESAMEBLOODYDAY.

butsomethingsneverchange,really.

on a side note. i HATE dress codes.

that woman on mtv and in eye for a guy has a huge mouth. i speak not figuratively, but literally. when she grimaces, she grimaces. her mouth and the words "elastic" and "grotesque" are like angelina jolie's lips and "pouty". it kinda goes way beyond that. i dont dislike her. just her mouth. GRWAAW cannot stand.

i dont know why :P

heeheesocuteroachcoach

you need nytimes account to see it i think. oh well.

SOOoo...famine camp over. ate myself silly when i got back (a box of iffy nasi lemak there, 2 rather well-done thin steaks, a quartet of quarterpotatoes and tons of peas [eurgh] and a pot of green tea for the oil reaction [doubleeurgh]). now feeling somnolent and solid. and vaguely amused.

i have never drunk so much water in my entire life in 2 days. i swear, i am fully hydrated and probably so full of water i'm a bloody cactus. literally. after SAT IIs [which wasn't fun, let me tell you] i rush straight there and later wish i hadn't. everyone tried really hard, but i wouldn't say it's the best camp i've ever been to. [sanctimonism does NOT help matter. they're EVERYWHERE! all is vanity...] and ladies and gennulmen, THAT is my pet peeve for a while... so yeah. i missed my peers but i guess i didn't try that hard to be friends. the best bit was card playing, well, up to the end-ish. and the concert was fun too. strangely enough the hunger didn't really figure in...but everyone slept a lot due to low blood sugar levels. if you came in from newspaper collection the whole hall looked like a war zone after the bomb went. bodies everywhere.

GAH. TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING. >.<

today is really a pennsylvania 6-5000 day :D

music of the moment - glenn miller and his orchestra - pennsylvania 6-5000
mood of the moment - boppy :D

"Date, or date not -- there is no 'let's just friends be'."

*snigger*

plato's republic (or rather on the just) is a damn good book. ironically it's because he was so absolutist that we have this book. he couldn't see the grey areas for the...um..black and white? speaking of which [and with the arrogant blind confidence of the adolescent], i now believe that for the basics in life there are no absolutes, but absences. like dark is the absence of light, evil the absence of good etc ["good men do evil by not stopping evil"] but on a higher level, there are absolutes. like the idea of yinandyang (absolutes) versus absences - you can believe in one or the other, but not both. so there's your absolute. or you could be greedy like me and believe in both but qualify them. speaking of qualifiers i should probably note that i'm only on book 2 of his republic and so probably not qualified to voice out stuff or opinions on the book but what the hell.

i think it was the early morning run and the piano.

MAY THE FARM BE WITH YOU!! HAHAHAHAHAHH GOLD!!!

zouk was interesting. phuture has better music though. the para para moves on the podium was hilarious. a horde of 15 or so people on the centre doing para para moves all at the same time is NUTS.

am also very dry. i <3 vodkaredbull. still missing. this is ridiculous.

now this is really what blogging is about. its about all these people dying to let others know about their little secrets that common (and i do mean common) society deems unfit/not polite/too smug/too self-centric to reveal. it's like hiding your cancer pills in plain view when people come over so they can notice and make a fuss over you and then you can play the tragic hero[ine] and revel in their pity and concern. and this canker in you just keeps growing, the need to be noticed keeps crying out, and you keep posting and posting.

it's all fake really. but it's addictive. just like downloading music off the internet.

music of the moment - savage garden - i want you
mood of the moment - ironic, really, what i'm listening to.

“CAPACITOR!” said a tree and blew up.

social circles social circles like windmills thr[e/a]shing you out from golden tall wheat to faint soft flour bone-white and blowing in the direction of each and every wind that puffs your way, unable to determine your life and unable to admit to anyone about anything.

AAUWMAGAWD so tragic! raikkonen's one lap loss...suspension failure! like hakkinen's 100m-before-the-line failure...ze paaaaiinn..

hehe the renault pit crew are amusing-cute. when massa went into the gravel they put their hands over their eyes...

nooooo the lions-allblacks match is on the 4th! i'll be in camp! GWARRRRGH.

wow class outing fun. but waking up to rama's (class teacher) practical joke isn't funny, especially when it says "i've talked to mrs chan [our P] and we've decided to suspend the whole class for 4 weeks starting monday. so for 4 weeks you're not to show your face in school, understand?"

NOT best thing to wake up to.

spent more time travelling around than doing stuff.

...there again. should i use my invisibility for good or evil?

heh 23-0. justin really goes nuts on the pitch, there's no other word to describe it at all. and jon yap was playing. he kicks ok yah.

had 4/12 class dinner after that. quite fun :D

very shagged. running at 11am is kinda draining, but i think it's also the rugby.

...and i'd give up forever to touch you
'cause i know that you feel me somehow...

would you believe people put up signs advertising "mathematics olympiad gifted education programme" for your kids? it's like they're plonking everything they can get in there in order to gain the business. all they lack is the IB programme.

but what makes it pretty sad is that people actually fall for these things.

on another note, banner painting be fun :D

"son, can you play me a memory,
i'm not really sure how it goes.
but 'twas sad, and was sweet and i knew it complete
when i wore a younger man's clothes."

a pile up on the chicane, a great bun fight finish, amazing leads, but the best bit were the stormtrooper outfits :D

speaking of which, ep 3 was quite fun. especially with the debate people and making fun of ben's royal guard outfit. nearly went clubbing but they dont accept student passes now :|

did you know mr rama took part in the big walk? MWAHAHAHAHAHH....

i think i'm too cynical. and i think i'm also very idealistic. what a contradiction. i'm most definately bifurcated (probably).

i'm hundred today!

i'm not making sense, am i...

slashdotdashdotdashdotdashdotslashdotdashdotdashdotcom

i have just eaten a banana cake so dense it could sink a ship. it's sitting in my stomach like a bowling ball and it takes a lot of effort to stay upright :|

on another culinary note, i have discovered an ancient relic: a jar of horlicks. considering i've not drunk horlicks since 4 years ago or more, i'm inclined to treat this like malt death.

music of the moment - bruce springsteen - streets of philadelphia

i'm very tired of myself...

wth. i have a 404 error from hotmail. claerly teh pwnt.

let it be so.

brother has brought back the "holy grail". it's a tub of hello panda, all 450g of it. think twisties or cheezballs kinda cardboard tube thing. i am happy :D mine!!! *runs from brothers*

hey, i take em where i can get em.

well, he's gone. do you know how hard it is to say goodbye, how hard it is to force yourself to see your friends name on the bright red tickertape scrolling across, telling you which hall he is in? you go up to class, thinking it's normal, you see every teacher there, your class teachers, your principal and vp, and you think, shit, what's wrong? did we do something wrong as a class? did a teacher complain about us? and then she starts talking and you think, no, no, not this, no, why am i crying, why do i feel like something's horribly horribly wrong, what now and then she says it and all you can say is "oh fuck" in this small voice and bow your head to the table and think of the friend you knew, the one who ate recess with you, who gave you encouragement and support and strength and made you laugh and you made him laugh and now he's gone.

i miss you. a lot. and i miss you more, because you're never coming back, at least not in the way that i know. i wish...for many things, all of them futile now. but we will all remember, in our own ways. we're keening pain, but i hope you knew. and even if you did, can you absolve us all? futile wishes galore - i hope i never have to deliver that again, to fight for control before i go up there and mumble platitudes that can't deliver, not ever, the things i want to say, that probably sound fake the minute i say them. so yeah. i hope you're where you always wanted to be now, and i hope you make peace with yourself.

2SB22005 forever[insofaraswecanwewill,ihope]

i was goign through my old chat logs to find an elusive video about 2 men and a piano and guess what i came across...:
bzzzzZZZZZZZPOW
our chem teacher would never condone this
NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON because IRC is just multiplayer notepad.

feet treading the deep path inwards, holding a yellow flower, wondering what to say when i reach the end of the pilgramage for someone i never knew but should..

solongandthanks!forallthefissshhh...

looks like they be having lucasfilm problems with the l33+ video

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. why the FUCK does this happen to me. i dont i dont WANT to be people's burdens, but i am. and yet i want to shoulder all their burdens, i want to make the pain go AWAY, i dont want to make them cry before they sleep even though it kills me. i've turned them all away, i've fucking hurt them all, and i dont know how to stop it i dont know i dont want to play this game any more take it all AWAY. but i want everything to stay the same, the pieces to stay the same pieces, the pipe dream to remain a reality, no matter how faint.
can you make the pain go away, to dry the tears and stop the hurt. i'll take your burden from you if you want me to [even if it'll kill me].

can you give me a certainty, that you wont kill yourself by the time i get there?

third time's the charm, apparently. argh.

on a side note, i've been asked (no, ordered) to spread the word by the powers that be in comics mart in serene that aaron chong is present. for those who watch eye for a guy on those late late wednesday nights (i'm sorry, i dont.), yes, -the- aaron chong. for those who don't, click here. the powers that be expect a horde descending on their poor shop (or if not, they will have confimation as to why the horde is not descending on their poor shop) sometime soon, so girls, you know what to do ;p

he looks better in real life, i must admit.

it takes two to tango. i cannot do it alone.

yet again, my belief in a tokenistic method of governance has been almost irrefutably bolstered (i have to stop using qualifiers and quantifiers). they give us a morning talk show on "teenagers are mollycoddled, spoilt, pampered, ill-equipped to deal with the real world and selfish and etcetc" yes. but we talk about so many things we never really deal with "are they really all these things". i dunno. sounds like beuracracy to meeeeee(maggiemaggiemaggie)...

on a side note, i now have 5 white mice at home in addition to 1 dog, 2 hamsters and 3 brothers. what a zoo.

eyes trace the contours, sketchily and yet sculpted like michaelangelo's masterpiece. quiet, subtle appreciation from an inimitable, unimaginable distance. warm tracery - so near and yet so far away - a touch, a breath, and life comes in all its smouldering swarthy glory.

"but he doesn't say a f-----' word, you know. just goes upstairs to his room, locks the door, and lays down on his bed." -stephen king, the body

3319. yes i'm bored.

i conclude that religion is selfish. naturally, i start from the back, the gut instinct, the feeling that someone somewhere will read this and flay me for it. and the end is also the reason why i think it's selfish. i should probably include a caveat here, to say that not all of religion is selfish and stuff like that (i actually do, but fundamentalists will never believe it anyway so why bother.)

when i say selfish, i mean the idea of self, me, mine, numero uno, my own me personality, me myself and my ego. strangely many religions believe in a "self-after-life", the fact that one oneself and one's ego still persists when one dies. which is strange in religions preaching society above self and god above all. don't you become one with the divine, one with the whole (in)effable plan? why the necessity for the persistence of self? then again, do you remain yourself in heaven or the afterlife? do we become happy mindless automatons content with doing good singing praises saying prayers meditating playing harps? fine, that's not self, but that's not an afterlife one can be happy with.

no wonder the world's getting secular, and people are falling away from their faith quietly, subtly, like a shadow of a moth on the ceiling just before it is devoured.

then again, religion is also the worship of the essence of society, it's values, beliefs, norms, culture (what an anachronism. it doesn't hold real meaning in this globalised world of pontification communication (and excommunication) and cultural crosswinds that travel with the tradewinds). religion can justify society, can hold up society, can tear down society, but ultimately it can define and be a society. so we worship a society, the society we believe it. we can pick and choose from the 80 billion or more societies in the world (each one inside each little bit of humanity but oh so amazing that humanity can sometimes be lacking), and yet in the end doesn't that mean we worship ourselves? selfjustification. just like attributing all wondrous things to god and leaving no room for humanity to even have a chance to prove itself.

for the sake of ms.j, lets just give a balanced side of this [tokenistic though it may seem with my current status quo]. religion can be good. such a powerful force is like a gun - good in the right hands, bloody hell if not. religion does save those who want to be saved, it does provide purpose for the aimless and it is the reason for many [i forget the end of this sentence. fill it in yourself. you can probably do it better.]. i wouldn't prescribe three dosages of it and call-me-in-the-morning, because if you don't believe it'll just kill you from the inside. so this is why i'm not comfortable around the seriously deeply religious who attribute everything to god [and i do mean everything, sometimes] because i'd like to think i give humanity a chance, or at least the benefit of the doubt.

and here i am doing what i accuse religion of doing, taking the moral high ground in order to point out how sucky we are so that it can feel good. [how hypocritical.] but then, i never tried to take all the moral high ground, just a little bit of it. [selfjustification.] whatever.

this is what you get for waking up in bible sharing at the wrong moment. cynicism can be a pain. so can lack of sleep.

i know this is a bit late, but heck. fun stuff.

doo, doo doo dadadaa daa doodoodoodoop doodoop doodoop doop

now this is somewhat scary. its on realplayer, goto 48:30.

on a side note, i have rediscovered tom lerher again. WHEEE!!!

mood of the moment - pacifical. in every sense of the word
music of the mo[o]ment - tom lerher - the hunting song

..you just stand there looking cute,
and when something moves, you shoot...

all the cows are gone....:(

on a side note, have effectively taken self out of training for a while thanks to tendon being sprained for a month at least.

still not over it all...

all the cows are gone....:(

on a side note, have effectively taken self out of training for a while thanks to tendon being sprained for a month at least.

still not over it all...

i'm bouncing from blog to blog like a random puffball blown by eddy currents. too much has changed. i should, i guess, but there's a certain charm in not changing.

heeheehee. we have a pink cow now.

started when we were driving back home, and realised that there were significantly less cows in the field than there were before. so we decided to get ours that night. what's amusing is that we worried over being seen and caught and worked out escape routes and stuff and many, many excuses until we got there. we piled out of the car, jumped the fence...and what do we see but a fellow cow stealer trotting along the roadside toting a pink cow on his head.

we kinda gave up on secrecy at that point.

and we ended up stuffing 2 cows in the car (mom refused to get more than one :( ) and giving him a lift home. turns out he was planning to walk nearly a third of 6th ave with a cow on his head :| how daring.

i <3 cow. want an orange one too.

you know how they go out in the us at night and go cow tipping??

heheheheheh....

i just saw the pictures. and i couldnt not cry.

today is link day. therefore:
kitties and stunts.
l337 517h
black knnnniiggget!

mwahahah. today, we see the briefed, true side of our glorious military. in the now misconstrued and deliberately twisted words of a self-proclaimed "glorious opposition" acting in the absence of one, we see they have admitted to spying (what a shock! and such a trusting world we live in! so much for civilisation), deliberately choosing the winning side (which begs the question/situation of whether we'll pull a kerry once in a while on global issues [ok so i'm being mean. ish.]), positive (affirmative action people! only not institutionalised! so they say!) and negative (lets waffle until i see your eyes glaze over and then pretend i answered your question, okay?) discrimination! shock and horror! or maybe not. i suppose he is telling the truth, insofar as he can, and some of it could possibly (shock and horror again!) be true. certainly they sound sensible. we probably should not have put him on the spot. i mean, of course making a value judgement on the united states is so much more taboo than making one on china. and we should waffle on homosexuals - it makes it so much harder to hide our assumptions otherwise.

unsurprisingly,
[and this is a happy link word to link two disparate paragraphs together]

i have never really felt patriotism. or rather, (i should qualify), i have never felt school spirit. i dont know if i will, or what i'm feeling now is school spirit, but it's probably the closest i'll come to it. it's kind of hard to distance your friends from your school/group when you're all running under the same banner, so when you cheer them on you cheer on the school as well because that's what we're all bursting our hearts and lungs for.

and it hurts so badly to see them suffer through themselves that you really really want to take it all away and stop the pain they're putting themselves through but you can't because this self-scarring is one they have to come to terms with themselves and all you can do is be there for them. and you can't take it away because you have no right to, none at all, and this really is something that you shouldn't interfere in. is this pity or empathy? i'd rather the latter. i'd hesitate to use the four letter word (l---) and f-----ship (fill in the blanks, buy a vowel!) because some things are easily misconstrued and you'd -never- hear the end of it. but if a symptom of this is protectiveness, then yes. i love my friends.

i dont remember if i've posted this already, but it's freaking hilarious.

on a side note, my mom has resorted to asking me her credit card number so she doesnt have to refer to it when she has to write it down. don't even talk about lazy (>Þ); i don't even spend that much!

it happened twice, a week apart, same place, same damn situation :| and somehow everyone knows but me, but that's to be expected i suppose.

so, no worries.

time to post more often

..higher now, in the sky, you make me feel like i can fly, so high

elevation

mood of the moment - musing.
music of the moment - u2 - elevation

cool stuff. for free, too.

"..we will open this issue to public debate, but there will be no referendum..."

well, i'll be. isn't this surprising. just like us to offer "freedom" and sneakilysneakily curtail it through red tape and behind-the-back actions that are in plain view. no wonder we're apathetic

Your Discworld character by anglepoiselamp
Name
Favourite Discworld novel
Race	Antropomorphic personification
Birthyear	Year of Sarcastic Eggplant
Residing place	Terror Incognita
Once in Ankh-Morpork you met	Foul Old Ron
...who gave you	a stick and a bucket
...and you said:	Millennium hand and shrimp!
Quiz created with MemeGen!

heeheehee...

well, chinese new year was fun. most of it was spent helping out at the (plant) nursery selling pots and plants...the people there are nice. it's actually quite an eye-opener, working in the service industry. you learn how to deal with people and vultures (i.e. those who come at the last minute looking for bargains because "you're gonna have to clear the stock at midnight when chinese new year starts"), and maan, do i have stories about vultures. the twins were quite fun...and it's interesting when you first see them - they really do look alike. hard to believe they're already working...them looking like army boys and all. then again, a lot of the guys i know are in army, so maybe its just me. that aside, the reactions of people to see females pottering around carrying pots is quite amusing. for example, i get asked if i'm someone's sister. i say no. then, "are you his wife?"

yeeek. interesting thought, but no. i'm too young for this sorta thing.

actually, come to think about it, that was my chinese new year: selling pots and plants. the rest of it was the usual whirlwind of visiting, although the party on the first day was fun. what with 5 girls going out on an ice-buying trip because the poor guy just asked everyone along the path to the door to come buy ice. we probably made him nervous. i do know his driving was a bit more jerky than usual. and one of them is an rjc gp teacher, heheh.

bleah. and now's the time to buckle down to work. yeesssh.

i told myself i was on a self-destruct sequence and it sounded so esoteric and meaningful and wise and literature-y that i thought it might be a nice thing to post (note post, not write) on the blog. then i realised it was called life, and felt that this made it was even more so so i did.

then i felt foolish and like a pretentious ass.

so i did it anyway.

it just hit me how those "type in these confirmation codes so that we can verify through magical psychic powers that you aren't an alien/spambot/technologically impaired sod that wants to post a random comment on this blog" things that livejournal has are so, so evil to dyslexic people. the dots and warped and misaligned letters simply do not help people who have difficulty figuring out the difference between a c and a d, much less the position of the letters...

pokepoke.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

due to an unfortunte misclick, i have lost all my contacts for the upteenth time. feel free to pile misfortune on me, and please do let me know your numbers, because i have no idea who you people are. again.

AAAARRRGH.

ooh and i probably have your outdated numbers.

#*%Y@(^

Conservatives Pick Soft Target: A Cartoon Sponge

i dont know if you can see this article, but it seems that spongebob has replaced harry potter as the root of all evil, or at least the insidious brainwashing of thousands of kids. because spongebob was used in a video to promote "tolerance", apparently conservative christian groups included "tolerance of sexual identity" under that ambit. "according to one spokesman for the conservative christian group: "We see the video as an insidious means by which the [We Are Family Foundation, not the We Are Family gay and lesbian group] is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids," they know he's gay because "he holds hands with his animated sidekick Patrick and likes to watch the imaginary television show "The Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy."

wth. spongebob evil, spongebob must die.

if we turned our attention from these rediculous accusations and petty pickings, we'd probably be more productive.

i'll probably get flamed for this. whatev.

on the way back in the cab, the song playing on 95.0 was oddly appropriate to what rah and i were discussing. tragedy strikes in waves, and leaves you floundering to avoid the riptide that threatens to wash you away in the aftermath. and now it's playing fragile by sting and all you want to do is forget but you can't, because it'd be a dishonour. you may not know them, but if you are human and i hope to god you still are in this era of brutality and insensitivity, you'd grieve too.

its alright i'm ok
i think god can explain

amusing quotes from little kids:

1. elaine's 2 year old precocious girl is playing with her toy farm, and the rest of us are eating. after a while we hear "little pig, little pig, let me come in, little pig, little pig, let me come in..." over and over again. so elaine asks "so what did the little pig say?"

"cannot!"


2. everyone's eating tea discussing brother being the shortest boy of his secondary school class, the only shorter one being a girl. so other brother reminisces that he used to be the third shortest in his class in acsi. original brother:

"were you the shortest boy?"

that one never thinks before speaking...

you're just a one liner at the end of a paragraph.

...all they see is the facade. they don't notice the people behind the bars, the blood behind the window, the tears behind the mask.


and it's better that way.

lesson from yesterday at city hall mrt. if you are going to wait for people within the ticket barrier and look out for them by peering down at the stairs in the belief that you can spot them in the bleeding multitudes that issue forth from that gaping maw, do not wear a short skirt. if you do, wear shorts underneath (with reference to school uniforms, though that will probably not be a problem). denim skirts that have problems extending to mid-thigh are a no-no. then again, if you are actually wearing that kinda thing, you probably wouldnt mind the attention. no, i'm being mean.

well now they seem to have resolved it. good grief. we do more dangerous and stupid things at home, from climbing out onto the roof to romping around storm drains, scuffling and outright brawling. pity the poor kid whose parent wrote in. i'll bet the warning is purely tokenistic.

anyone else read the taupok letter? come on, jc just isnt the same without the rough play, the pain and the black eyes. and, oh yes. a thousand kilos of bodies on your poor spine that is lying flat on the ground. your guts are in more danger. even our teachers get taupoked.

i'm sorry, i just find it horribly amusing that parents would be (undertandably) horrified that their delicate kids are getting taupoked even though worse happens through people running through corridors and playing rugby or basketball. and taupok isnt the half of it.

wow. i last posted a month ago. how shocking.

in any case, i've changed from happy-going-to-whistler to oh-crap-i'm-gonna-die. i mean, my position in life and with regards to Knowledge of Topics and Subjects is under Woefully Inadequate, capitals, warts and all. maybe it can get up to Barely Passable or at least Vaguely Uncertain, but i can't see past that. heh. in any case, expect posts every 2 months i think. considering my post frequency.

diploma achieved. landed (with) lrsm. will die. 'nuff said. moving on.

have also discovered bonnie pink, a jap artist. not bad.

have also discovered catharsis. it's quite good. i recommend it to anyone.

TOO MANY THINGS!!!