Thursday, December 22, 2005
i suppose i should write about perth. the land of freezing and burning, where you can cycle forever [or at least until your fingers numb up with the thrill of speeding on endless paths without crazy buses next to you], where the place is quiet and scenic and comfy and poky. or rather, i should be writing application essays - my life is filled up with noise and sound until i leave for thailand to make peace with my inner guilt, to talk with an expanded group of conscience, to be a secular haven in a self-inflicted and percieved world of un-secularism. [i have no faith, i'm afraid, i lost it long ago.] its a pensive night, brought on by frozen liquor and crosswine and bakerzinlogcake, and i will ramble till my lips crack from the vinegar that pours from the uvula, the thing that hangs from the back of your mouth, looks like an organic stalactite and sounds vulgar. my brain drizzeleth from my throat, acrid and looking like a punkcomicpicture of a strangled duck [i dont know either, just thought it sounded right].
but still. tonight i mourn the world. as appointed, like before.
i will sit, and listen to the noise in my head and come to terms. i'll choke on my catharsis, curl up in a ball, perhaps wake up tomorrow to gently, gently take the mask take the mask floating just above my face and press it on, imprinted, absorbed, and implode.i cannot compete. i cannot force my way in if you threw away the key. green is the colour, bilious and scouring.
and then i'll think about it, savour it, and stick it in the secretive places, the proverbial back of my closet, to be taken out at 2 am when the world blinds[ides] [it to] you and you dont want to think and the world is done its mourning for the day and all that is left is the sardonic, resigned remnant of time as it cheshired away
but still. tonight i mourn the world. as appointed, like before.
i will sit, and listen to the noise in my head and come to terms. i'll choke on my catharsis, curl up in a ball, perhaps wake up tomorrow to gently, gently take the mask take the mask floating just above my face and press it on, imprinted, absorbed, and implode.i cannot compete. i cannot force my way in if you threw away the key. green is the colour, bilious and scouring.
and then i'll think about it, savour it, and stick it in the secretive places, the proverbial back of my closet, to be taken out at 2 am when the world blinds[ides] [it to] you and you dont want to think and the world is done its mourning for the day and all that is left is the sardonic, resigned remnant of time as it cheshired away
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
prom was..amusing. quite so. heh. although bing was right: its kinda like a zoo. pictures all over. but a zoo of memories, i guess. too really tired to post much...pleh. so much for a haven of memories.
on a side note, i wonder if forgiveness is really a self-preservation tactic. i mean, people forgive because it's the Done Thing, but really if it's someone you know, as in KNOW, then i wonder. do you forgive because you cannot imagine that person with that sin on their sheet? that blemish on the facet they present to you? so you scab it over, because you can't really function normally with the ghost of that incident in the way, but you know its there, and they know you know its there, and you know they know its there...and...yeah. existential fun.
on a side note, i wonder if forgiveness is really a self-preservation tactic. i mean, people forgive because it's the Done Thing, but really if it's someone you know, as in KNOW, then i wonder. do you forgive because you cannot imagine that person with that sin on their sheet? that blemish on the facet they present to you? so you scab it over, because you can't really function normally with the ghost of that incident in the way, but you know its there, and they know you know its there, and you know they know its there...and...yeah. existential fun.
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