martyrdom: (with reference to yours truly) when your mom decided you are her life size doll, and attempts to dress you up as such.

right now she is attempting to dress me up cowboy style. this wouldnt be so bad if she hadnt decided that i should be a cowgirl a la madonna kinda thing where you bare your navel. dad is aghast/amused. brothers are swearing to avoid looking at me for the rest of the night. i am swearing to avoid looking in the mirror.

dread: that little sinking feeling that you get when your mother advances towards you with the intent of tying a bandanna around your neck and there is no way you can escape because walls do end in corners and you're on the wrong side.

alegria....
effortless and beautiful :)

melnyel

randomusings103

keeled over:
you're making me lose myself again.
and you sound jaded -
through a bunch of pixels
i can hear your thoughts.

kneeled down:
my head's spinning
im striking out
wildly
for some form
of self-control,
some semblance
of tape
to hold my
splitting
head[ache]
together
again.

hold me
hug me
hush.

i have been dead to the world for two hours straight. i now have a whopping headache. someone give me an overdose. please.

and brother can run 11 km in 1h 15mins. he is not human.

lanning takes a toll on the spirit :P you get stoned. really, really stoned.

found a christmas card at cyberia that i supposedly left behind. because SOMEone didnt pass it to me. *glare*

amusing quote of the day: "prit'm is a singh unless proven otherwise."

lol............


and btw. night watch rocks. finished reading it in borders :)

bits and pieces:

silent sweet susserations
coming through my ear and
out
the other side.

listen to me.
yet advice is not
heeded.

hand on hand
wheeling into the sun
product of your own stubborn mind.


ivy
Entwining 'round your ears and eyes,
Speak no secrets, breathe no lies.
Choking gags of green leafed glory,
Tells instead a different story.


product of rained-in nights and confidences.


i. feel. absolutely. nothing.

btw. the latest discworld novel by terry pratchett, Night Watch, is out. it is good :) vimesy rocks :)

crashed my head on the door frame while getting into the car. nearly broke my neck.
crashed it again on the lamp while ironing.
love myself.

i now have a 3315 that looks like a 3330, thanks to some case switching. yay.

tired. you know why...

went out to the masonic club for lunch :) courtesy of dad...

my god...my HEAD. hurts.

i think im sick

phoenix

Your avatar has come,
white flame and fire,
ghostly zephyrs surrounding it,
whipping its raiment and
fanning its flames.

i am ready, my Lord.

punish me for my sins,
for your creation must feel pain,
to purge the taint of executed sin.
to live, one must be reborn,
so you melded the flame and the wind,
to one entity.

let the wind blow away my sins,
wash me free.
let the flame come down,
burn me.

un[cert]ainty

i dont belong,
for all the time i've been here.
is it just me,
my mind building walls in the sky?
preconcieved fabrications,
or the truth i never faced?
i never dared to.

pussy-footing
around people.
that's normal.
pussy-footing
around the grey area
of people relations
now that's dangerous.
sooner or later
everything
turns to
sand.

you need
a certificate
of acceptance,
to be brought
into the fold/
the society/
your world of today.

please dont ignore
this tiny cry
this little plea
from the very beaches of certainty

i am only human,
after all...

awk. jaw freeze.

am seriously considering giving up on my music folder. its huge, and i cant think how i organised it in the first place. consequentially its getting a bit hard to place all my files. urgh.

have noticed that my posts seem to get more succint and...well...pointed as i go along. perhaps i now do not feel the need to let everyone know how many times i breathed, where i went....etc. oh well.

mood of the moment - deep blue funk
music of the moment - if i had a choice, it'd be the same. as it is, im listening to saint-saens - danse macabre

incidentally my mom mispronounced preet's name. am slightly cheered by that =)

eventful. day.

ambled around plaza sing and meridian, getting hopelessly lost looking for music essentials. went lanning afterwards, then dragged tim down to claud's place. highly amusing handphone incidents.

brought hammies back. or hamster. 2 died. and the other got sat on. so now i have no hamster. *sigh* no more fuzzy hammie.

music of the moment - keyboard
mood of the moment - resigned, sad.

music of the moment - angel's carol
mood of the moment - patient

images.

of running out into the see, following an enigmatic figure, androgynous (in my mind, perhaps?), running through the salt-warm, blood-warm waves, watching the waves turn clear just before they recede, leaving the murk behind...
let the waves throw you out, and let the undertow drag you back in...

picking stones, tossing them back, keeping them for the beauty they possess in themselves, the beauty they somehow lose after that small moment of wonder, that point and place in time where you pick it up, gleaming, wet from the sand, and possess it. but you cant possess it, that small fragile thing, that will somehow outlast you forever, if only in memory...


you stand in the middle
of that fast-flowing stream,
cold, ice-cold,
running,
and you direct its waves
to your will.

what nature takes years,
eons, to achieve,
you accelerate,
eroding.

but you only know how to destroy.

take one more step,
up to the bank;
take one small step
to a new point
.
of view/ of place

i'll be waiting there
my little shaper,
drawing patterns in the sand.



curled up in your embrace,
dire? i hopenot,
for i have given all,
my dreamer,
and yet i would give thee more.

i am content
to stay here -
you own me
utterly,
even the semblance
of rational thought i call
myself.

caress my cheek,
my sandman,
and let me die
with your kiss on my lips,
an echo
a dream.

i have drunk a lot these days. now nursing my red wine. *grin* havent gotten drunk yet....:P

desaru was fun. i indulged in sloth. finished reading eco and some economists. its nice to snuggle down in bed when it rains, or the sofa. but i want someone to hug.......*muah*

there was christmas eve dinner organised by the hotel (grandpa's luck didnt wear out - we won 2 hampers and gave back one :P). but i didnt really like the singing, so i went off and sang my own carols. that's my way of celebrating christmas eve i guess :)

*holds up wine glass* merry christmas everyone!

btw. claud's blog reminds me. LOTR WAS GREAT. lotr 2. the two towers. the cgi was fantastic, like the ent battle and helm's deep. the deeping wall was....well, lets just say that the olympicity was not needed. and they screwed up a few lines. like gandalf's lines were given to eomer (the bit about where wormtongue was to take his prize when the battle was over - eowyn, and how his eyes were always on her), theoden king yells "forth helmingas" and not the proper "forth eorlingas" (the helmingas were the men of westfold). i mean at least get the lines right! gandalf, in fangorn? or rather, meeting merry and pippin?? eh??? else, good one :P

i find it sad though, that theres this whole host of people who are fans of lotr because of the movie, and dont love middle earth for what it is. i mean, theres people who love the movie (who doesnt? i certainly do), but its just the movie, the special effects and all that they like. they dont read the book, they dont understand it, and in a while, they forget about lotr. well, mebbe not so drastic, but still. read the damn book. understand WHY peter jackson (the great :P) wanted to make the book into a movie. love the elves, read the silmarillion, read ALL the damn appendixes, read quenya! its the little details that makes it so fantastic.

yay champagne!!!

got dunked in pool this afternoon - jj's uncle can take on 4 of us no problem. but we dunked him in the end :P

then watched lotr the extended dvd. FANTASTIC. they cut out a LOT of bits. legolas' arrows turn green for some reason.

guitaring and singing tomorrow! :P

whee! just went to the wedding anniversary. first, i felt very exposed. so hail shawls. now, i feel....sloshed. yes, shlosed. 2 cups of red wine, to cups of champagne and a bout half a cup of desserty wine to finish off. cant be botheredto correct the pytos. ypeso. typos. haha.

spam! yay! spamming throughout the dinner. people got up to dance and embarrass themselves. a. dot saw me and started laughing. near the end, she and mom got worried that i wouldnt be able to go for piano lesson tomorrow. auntie dot's my piano teacher. whee!!

thank you judith for taking care of my hammies!!! *happy* thankyouthankyouthankyou :)

mom is out to feminise me. argh.

i love saint-seans. go dl danse macabre.
supposed to play this, realised was playing jinin's part. *embarassed*

but it sounds COOL. seriously.

and sarah, you've got something due you.

big brother's watching you. REALLY watching you.

hmmmmm.

this is interesting. my homework seems to have grown mystically and i cannot find it. where DO you hide such a paper elephant?

on the other hand, after rummaging around my hands have been scrubbed by this...well...lets call it a bar of soap (all soaps in my mom's bathroom tend to congregate and clump into a nauseating multicoloured mess) my hands smell overpoweringly of dettol. ah well. such is life. am mildly annoyed.

the best part was i was trying to clean my brother's pe shirt. *makes face* stupid boy. he HAS to be a tracker. he HAS to train at macritchie. *grumble*

lotr! whee!

this is ridiculous. im using soap to clean off more soap. and then i need to have MORE soap to clean off the previous soap because it stinks to high heaven. it still stinks, by the way.

excuse me im gonna wash them again.

tired. just. damn. tired.

god help me, im falling.

news flash. CAN ANYONE TAKE MY HAMSTERS HOME? from the 21st to the 25th.

*shrug* im boredish. dont wanna do hw.

damn i feel bad.

my fate is sealed. the cap dress is to be worn. i am going to die. this time there is no anorak to save me.

on the other hand, had informal friendlies today.
started with me leaving rehearsal early because all got to newton early. so after everyone overshot the bp bus stop, we finally got to my house. preetham freaked me out by saying that he wasnt coming initally. he was summarily...shall we say...hurt by the ri crew who were mildly annoyed. we screwed up the motion, which was "this house would embrace mncs". kitson got the "milky nutty chocolate" definition. the others, well, lets just say im not gonna be posting them any time soon. our debate group gave up on the debate and went on to the fundamentals of exploitation :| my brain does not work at all during debates. screw. i am the one who contributes the least to the debate.

after that, pizza and wc3. hooray :) and random bits of chatter :P

diediediediedie.

this is basically an interim time filler until i get my webbie up. hopefully my webbie will be more sensible. *shrug*

little brother wearing suit. laughter all around. which reminds me.

something off the bbc:
"...the vicar told two children that santa claus could not possibly exist because the workload would kill him. tears all round, forcing said vicar to apologise. just one of about 419 stories about santa claus in the papers this week."

sheesh.

very utterly stoned. why the hell am i trying to organise stuff for you people?!!

and i fell in love with uncle marks jazz guitar =)
its abso-bloody-lutely beautiful. and the strings are smooth. mother of pearl inlay at the 5th, 7th and 12th frets.

you gotta love it.

love miles davis too. high speed chase is good. go dl it.

i have a handphone! whee!!! *does a little jig of pure ecstasy*
although am not too sure that the 3 hour wait was worth it, but well....
*grin* dad thinks that the blue colour of the 8250 is, well...: "do i have to put up with that blue colour?" and "its very o.b."

otherwise, erm. am invited to extremely formal dinner. am very annoyed because it means that i have to actually wear something formal. screw.

am alternately happy and sad at different days. *shrug*

am doing webbie stuff and am alternately disgusted and proud of it.

mood of the moment - abstracted
music of the moment - whatever is playing on my winamp. ranges from miles davis' "black satin" to smashmouth's "road man" to dave matthew's band's "everyday"

i am just damn tired. i cant lie down now because i'll fall asleep if i do. i hate shelling cockles. blood everywhere. i feel like macbeth. i shall poemise this when i feel like it.

argh. mossies.

took TWO republishings to get sarah to see my blog. joel should be able to see it now as well.

hey cool. its friday the 13th!

Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
SPCA = Sonia Protection and Care Agency
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
sonia has to be protected...
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
from...
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
HERSELF!
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
that's the motive of this org
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
to prevent the extinctin of that crazy species
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
its a very very rare breeed
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
more rare then preetkachus
--Neumaquén Fëar--ambrotos oneiros/ignis fatuus. abstracted. dies irae-sanguis says:
posting that too...
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
!!!
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
* drops dead *
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
blasphemy!
--Neumaquén Fëar--ambrotos oneiros/ignis fatuus. abstracted. dies irae-sanguis says:
lol.,.
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
telling my night elves!
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
they gonna stalk your bedroom
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
wait and see
.
.
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
SPCA is a NGO btw
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
although we work very closely with the newton hawker center assoc. and singapore government
Phoenix: Latino Romantica Guitar and chocolate as debate prep relaxations! says:
and nanyang girls convict branch

ROFL

hamster update - has punk hairstyle (gelled bottom and fluffy top). well actually its water but, oh well. :) looks cute.

i made spag! whee!!! its damn clumpy though.

went to software hut meaning to get grim fandango...turns out it was due in later in the day. since i hadnt got the vouchers, i decided to go back tomorrow. whee :)

before that went lanning with brothers. came in top in rankings *smug-ish* must get better...

incidentally, go here WARNING: NOT for the faint of heart or deeply religious or easily shocked. you have been warned. i am not responsible for anything that might happen to you as a result of this, or as a result of anything else unrelated to me. whee! :)
btw, do not watch it at night.

intensive household work today. found out that i dont have to iron half of what i had done, and i had done that half. erg.

barley water is an amusing issue in the household. we all dont want to be known as "the pig who took all the barley water" so everyone just pours a little bit into the cup until mom gets annoyed and orders someone to finish it up.

i am also known as the persistent person who foists barley on people.

was lanning today - hooray level 7 dh! must get better.....and learn how to play human....*glares at someone*

oh. btw. im the iron maiden of the household. amusing.

its biting the watch. mom's watch. excuse me. it looks like it has a personal little vendetta against it. or mebbe it just looks tasty.

today. hahah.

rehearsals became admin work. got told off for not wearing sch u to sch.

left. then after a few personal admin stuff went lanning. fong and chris were there. incident was highly amusing. stuff include me falling off chair, the "like" issue, kerpal and his dog and jessica. *evil grin*

dinner - regaled with tales of dead bodies (saw one at newton mrt), chasing wasps with feathers (grownups in yunnan do that - searching for wasps nests to eat the larvae), and talking about clothespegs and goldmember. dont ask.

on a brighter note - hamster is fluffy. no. actually it should have been named snowy. it has been excessively talcumed. its head fur has been flattened. it looks like a punk hamster.

and read this
a quote: "One Washington DJ lists the George W Bush talking "action figure" on her list of holiday gift suggestions, right up there with a Victoria's Secret musical holiday thong, which plays a medley of carols at the touch of a button."
the musical thong is "seriously disturbing".
and read the one about the action dolls (tony "the ally" blair, hilarious)

whoever uses a pickup line should be shot. especially if it is in chinese.

whoever reminds me of that pickup line shall be shot, killed, maimed, slaughtered and sat on. plus tickled.

mom was very amused.

brother number one was amused. dad mistook him for a dog because he smelled so bad. ("do you smell that dog?")

ice skating is fun up to the point where you start avoiding people. CERTAIN people.

i hate ironing pants. for 6 people. and shirts. they are now damp.

brudder put duku in freezer. last night. dinner at 9.30. chicken stew became chicken soup.

amazingly enough, brudders like that sorta stuff.

now all my hamsters are talcumed.

i love kailan! hail veggies!

rice rice rice.

rain. bring in washing. excuseme.

hmm. lanning. wc3 withdrawal. must get better. dryad massing! cata rushes! dh killer! whee!

ice skating. and erm, yeah. and i hate you too.

just got my hamsters back. one of them stinks as usual. his cage is full to the brim with sawdust. he looks like a sawdust covered kooshball. the other one is neat and smells nice. apparently he has perfume on him. he smells like a talcum powdered kooshball.

yay. they're still fluffy. and they still bite. ow.

well, im back.

i have lost my journal thingy that i had on the trip which means you wont have to plow through so much so im just recounting the significant events of the day.

day 1: arrival of the fittest
the most eventful and hilarious thing was when the kids saw the bus. did i say bus? i meant relic. honestly, the thing looks like it should be in a museum. im serious. look. lets go through a description of the damn thing. the first impression everyone had was that there was a bus, and it didnt look like the one that was going to bring us from place to place.

so imagine the horror experienced when we found out that this was our transport.

it was green and white. it was probably held together by the paint. there were no cushions. you sat on hard chairs or, in the case of the back seat row, you sat on boards. while the engine was running, it was virtually impossible to attempt to sleep because your head kept falling off someones shoulder, your ear got sore, or your head got numb from all that hitting against the window. did i mention sitting on boards? it meant that you either required a high tolerance for pain, or you needed a well padded derriere (however you spell it). being in the same room with brothers has become useful now - i have quite a high capacity for pain, and a relatively long fuse. hooray.

two quotes that sum it up:
"you are never going to find another bus like it"
"how can they do this to us??!"

we called it the boneshaker. it was quite apt. after a trip on that, you are never the same again. for one, you start to appreciate the sbs and tibs. you also appreciate singapore's smooth roads. yangon (and in fact, the rest of myanmar) have no non-bumpy roads. you get rocks.


the ymca yangon was quite nice - comfy beds. relatively. the strength of the frame is questionable. apparently uncle john sat on one with little joel (a little cute k2 kid. not the cynical one we have here.) and the frame cracked.

hlang thayar is sort of the "slums" of yangon. but the people are happy. seriously. i mean, the kids have toys that they make themselves: they play fivestones (or ratehr seven stones) with pebbles, not the clothy pyramidy things we have, they have the actual wooden tops (and they do a hell lot of fantastic tricks with them, like spinning it on their palm etc) and if you compare that with our beyblade things (which my brother brought along), they are actually more satisfied with them. they have the secret to being happy, and the more possessions we get, the furthur away we go from it. i mean, not that im advocating zen and all that, but they make do with what they have, and they really enjoy school (which the ymca provides). they are happy with their lot, even though they are desperately poor (an average worker in yangon makes about 5000 chads/kyats a month which is about 10 sing dollars. the people there do not even make a fifth of that - the men are out of work. the women try to sell foodstuffs at the market) they are happy.


day 2: i m b
now i know what my mom goes through. did eye check for the old people, and my knees hurt now. kept nodding my head and being overbearingly polite. i now know that "myar" means see in burmese. circle is "o". its really cute :) the kids doing handicraft and learning songs (like christ in the vessel and heads and shoulders) were very heartwarming. an example would be one of the kids coming back for another session (there were 2 sessions, one for the younger and one for the older kids). the organisers were quite worried that there would not be enough presents, but the kid said that he wasnt there for the presents, he was there for the fun. the people there are not happy you are there because they will get presents, they are happy that you are there because you actually came to their village.

makes you think.


day 3: bus torture
i jest you not.
we were to travel 400 km up to shan state, which is really northwest of yangon. thankfully it wasnt on the boneshaker. it was on an AIRCONDITIONED bus. what luxury.

it was damned cramped. there was a mattress on the floor. we took turns using it.

my ass is huge from sitting on the damn chair. and im cramped.

what was a 12 hour journey turned into a 23 hour one.


day 4: shan stuff
shan state. think we went on boat tour to silk factory and stuff. little brother tried to gei kiang and sit on the chair, which meant that he would get the full force of the wind. when i looked back, he was this little bundle of misery, huddled under my dad's sweater. the photo's damn funny. then went to the hot spa thing that boasted hot springs. thing is, it was dark. very dark. so we forgoed it and took boat back. the cool thing was the stars. man, i have never seen stars down to the horizon. and we saw 2 shooting stars, it was that clear. they say that in the mountains it seems that the stars are very near. here, they're not. theyre even further than you'd have thought possible. they're just these impersonal pinpoints of light, and there are so many you cant tell the constellations. we couldnt even find orion. i tried to take photos, but i guess the only way i'll bring this back is in a jar of memories *wistful*

on a more pragmatic note, the boats nearly got lost :P


day 5:sarongserenade
i officially detest sarongs. went for the hot spa, mom made me wear a sarong. nuff said. no picture will be available.

went up to kelaw for a rest after that. that place is damn COLD. your breath freezes, and the streets are wet because its in a cloud at night.
the fish there is very, very good. we were piranas, the way we attacked it. the head of the ymca yangon turned around, and it had disappeared *beam*

left the place at 12am for yangon. bloody bus ride. another 23 hours.


day 6: survival of the fattest
hmm. i now have an intense disliking for bus rides. my neck is sore again. we all bought pillows but have you tried sleeping in a chair with a huge fat pillow? hello mr neckbrace.

sang stupid songs all the way down. need to revise tom lerher :) sec 4 classmates, watch out!

summit parkview is nice. its practically heaven compared to what we've gone through. seems like our lodgings and transport gets better as the holiday progressess.


day 7: shopaholic
nuff said.
shan bags galore and a nice little travelling bag.
brothers now have laser pointers and a damn powerful torch.


day 8: civvies
back to civilisation :)

back to housework. must cook and do laundry. brothers are terrified at the prospect of eating my cooking. last i heard they were attempting to call pizza hut to find out the promotional rates. to tell the truth, im petrified of my own cooking. it looks like an ossified tar pit.