i have decided to live one cause at a time, because i cannot find an overriding, overarching belief that will enable me to drive every action and every word, that will burn in me and make me capable of the more-than-the-ordinary, the infinitely-able. and one day i will lift my head from the multitude of projects that i have immersed myself in some sort of escapism to find that i have accomplished much, but attained nothing.

terry pratchett has early onset alzheimers.


...bugger.

CUT
to the time when i
don't have to do this shit anymore, when i
can sit back rela-
x and hit the pause button,
drink some champagne and
snuggle down to blankets and
warmph.

BUT
i'm stuck here.

goddammit.

this kid is hilarious. i wish i had his mad dancing skillz.

google ads have invaded my tagboard. the fuck is this.

as i get closer and closer to the 1000 post mark, it becomes harder and harder to post. ironic. but yet, as i sit in the library and procrastinate on epiic, i wonder just how cheerfully i can be writing a paper on a topic that has managed to tear down my worldview entirely. the amount of endemic corruption in the world is astonishing and frankly dismaying, and (better still) we keep on screwing up in our own little ways, contributing the the ineffable plan of Mass Destruction.

anything to keep me from writing this paper.

i know i shouldn't be particularly affected, but there is a vague disquiet. a kind of mild, bitter-tainted resignation that i really shouldn't get hopes up or look forward to things because murphy really rules the goddamn ruse roost, and is particularly pan-like in his put-downs.

so i am Heading Back in a few days time, newly twenty and vaguely malevolent. if i have learned anything of my stay here, it is that it is Supremely Evident that for the Past Twenty Years of my Existence i have learned Squat.

just finished potter 7 with a kitten on my lap. it is 3.24am and i am fucking tired.

tony blair looks happier now that he's handing over the prime ministership to gordon brown.

gee i wonder why.

bohemian drives and nine planets without intelligent life

ack i just oded on coffee. brainfizzing now.

just watched borat.

ohgodohgodohgod. my brothers and i are severely traumatised FOR LIFE.

on a side note, that isn't so bad since my life is probably going to be REALLY SHORT after the MASSIVE screwup i managed at work, so whooeee. go sonia.

oogh i had to pour one cup of coffee into my system for an hour before i could actually wake up and do the damn analysis that my boss wants me to do. brought mac to work today, and now i'm compulsively listening to jazz because of the marvelloush concert i saw last night with jeremy monteiro, jimmy cobb, jay anderson, bob sheppard and roberta gambarini. more later.

I WANT THIS OFFICE. someone teach me java so i can work there.

also have been devouring cherries at a constant rate. + starbucks coffee and reading ps238 = fun for all involved. apart from the occasional swallow of a cherry pit. if only there was more rice boy.

it's apparently fruit day here, which is why i suddenly am in possession of a whole punnet of cherries.

there are definite perks to working here. too bad it's monthly

requiem for a dream is possibly one of the most haunting and compelling movies i have ever watched. if you ever want an anti drug film, this is it. if you showed this in singapore, people would STOP and NEVER take drugs. it's the kind of film that people walk slowly out of theaters from, deep in thought.

compelling. what's compelling is the point when everyone curls up in a fetal ball at the end, trying to return to some semblance of comfort wherein they can retain some semblance of dignity, of normalcy. what's compelling is the despair and delusions that each of them feel as the downward spiral engulfs them. what's compelling is the gasp of breath as the summer fades into fall, as the dream takes off like ka from your lips, an exhalation of hope that you cling to, that you will be famous, that you will be known, that you will "make it", that you will be wanted, that you will get off the street, that you will, you will. what's compelling is how reality drags you down like an anchor, like skeleton-hands dragging you into quicksand. what's compelling is the drugs, how they numb harry in the cab, how they quieten everyone, how they enslave each and every last one of them whether they want to or not. that's compellence.

but you know what scared me most? sara goldfarb in the hospital. she reminded me of my grandmother - helpless, scared, un-understanding, uncomprehending, incapable of communication despite wanting to, so very very fragile, and so very very old.

so it's been exactly one month since i've posted. suffice it to say, i'm back in singapore and leaving in august so spread the word, people. gonna be working for a month, then i'm not sure :P

on a side note, i'm still obsessed with rice boy

only in california would you get a situation where an ex-movie star and still-celebrity sentences a wannabe-movie star and -celebrity to jail for 45 days.

i feel like death.


that should really go into a comic, not a statement. preferably with a "woah" in front of it.