i am writing this from the absolute bliss of my bed here in the hotel. after being on my feet for the WHOLE DAY, it's wonderful to just sit and relax and drown in pillows while listening to chillout music and bossanova and eating potatobread and homemade cheese with jamaican spices. awesomeness. we even had cold dunganess crab before this, from the fish market. it was SO GOOD. ahhhhh.

ok i'm gonna just stone now. we walked all the way around the world and then some.

music of the moment - coleman hawkins - o pato
mood of the moment - tiredness. and satiation.

irony is leaving 2ºC seattle for 66ºF phoenix arizona to go to -2 gabillionºC boston. there are people wearing -shorts- out there..

man of the year is a marvellously wonderfully suspenseful satire on the political process today. everyone should watch it.

did i mention i gotta job? i gotta job. at the new granoff centre to be exact. as a box office assistant. i even append that to the end of my emails now, because i keep forgetting to remove it when i don't email in an official capacity. in any case, i just hang around the box office, provide tickets, sell tickets, book tickets, occasionally panic when we have to get something out, and do odd jobs. like my first day - i built bookshelves.

the prefabricated ones, not the actual "do-it-yourself-from-raw-wood" ones, of course. was rewarded with communal twizzlers because my boss went to staples and brought them back. plus free pizza for luch, and i'm already enjoying my job. probably will change my mind when the huge deluge of events hits us on april, but until then i'm fine :)

anyways. in seattle now (!! to see aunt who is here in transit), and it's kinda chilly. as a testament to my adaptation in weather, –2ºC is "kinda chilly". warm is above zero. huh. there's a really awesome receptionist here at the hotel we're staying at. he's a foodie, so we've got a TON of good restaurants to go to. the location of the hotel is really central as well. we're on 2nd ave and virginia, so within walking distance of EVERYWHERE. we walked to the seattle centre last night trying to find la vita bella, which is an AMAZING italian restaurant. it was six blocks away from the hotel, we walked at least 30. hur. but it was very worth it.

IN ANY CASE i shall head out now! no time to waste! only 24 hours to go!

allnighter again, woot. but played pool, wandered around campus, hunted howard teh shloopy undulator and bummed around on rooftops so all things considered this was good times. going to seattle in 7 hours, not packed yet. have class and things. life is awesome. tehshit.

winter bash was fun, amusing. o'course the fallout was even more amusing in a slightly twisted way. the kind of twisted where you groan and bury head in pillow. funfun.

omg i needs a dues ex machina.

it is -14ºC outside!!!!!! and WINDY!!!

amazingly enough it's still snowing. i'm watching the snowflake ballet outside my window, with guest stars thronging the stage with every gust of wind. cars go by and rile up street-snow, who whirl in offended envy at the whoosh of wheels stirring them from their rest. the sun's out, strangely, the snowflakes enjoy it more. bits of snowflakes are stuck to my window netting and windowpane, looking like tufts of feathers from an extremely fervent birdfight.

there are no leaves.

it's snowing, light fluffy wisps of snow that gets into your nostrils and freezes them in a startled sneeze. looking up is like being right in that windows screen saver of rapidly-shooting-past stars. black coats are mottled with white foam, like the fake foam-snow they throw up at tanglin and in tropical countries, only so much finer. it's the difference between filigree work and a chunk of metal. it's drifting past the windows, and you don't realise how much of it there is because they're all so small and you can't see them in the night. you can only see them against lights, whirling in the brutal gusts of wind like so many lost and forsaken faeries who have forgotten how to fly.

candy lotr!

anyways. i have a post on freedom of speech, but i'll leave that for later.

theory 1: there are some points in your life where you just don't feel like entering a relationship, perhaps forever, if only because you have invested so much into a prior relationship that you just feel emotionally drained.

theory 2: no matter how much you say it doesn't affect you, sometimes, you lie.

theory 3: emotional drained-ness leads to apathy/greyworld.

theory 4: cold weather = need for cuddles. and hot chocolate.

recipie for disaster, this.

SO COLD. it's riduculous. pulled hip flexor :( can't run.

on a brighter note, it should start getting darker later :)

I'M BACK AND IT'S SO COLD!!!!!

the flight over was ok...slept the whole way thanks to not sleeping the night before. panicked packing still ensued...so maybe the drinking session 7 hours before the flight was not the best idea. but it was HILARIOUS.

anyways, singapore wasa blast. i loved it, despite the wet weather. old place, old and new experiences. still love the food :)

ok back to other blog. GO DONATE!

SOOOOOOOoooooo....apparently my flight's on tuesday the 16th at 7.30am. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

*runs and hides*

just watched the italian job. two things i liked: handsome rob's accent (YES W00T). and three wonderfully colored mini coopers. every time i saw them i went squee!.

and the blowing clothes off women with speakers idea is HILARIOUS.

so i told my friend that every step i took in university was another step towards the end of my freedom and the selling of my soul to the corporate world and i was suddenly subsequently horrified to realise that this was all true.

anyways. tried running today, nearly died because i had to run after bing. more details later, as always. if only because it's late and i've just been setting up my running blog.

running blog, you say? yes. i'm running the boston marathon in order to raise US$1,000 for my university's Friedman School of Nutrition Science and Policy, and this is my training blog.

boston marathon, i hear you cry? yes. i'm crazy. but go to runbostonia.blogspot.com for much merriment at the expense of my feet.

of course, the feeling of incipient doom many of you are feeling now is probably maturing. and you're right. i will solicit ask you for money, and i will not stop until you give it here. so i end with an injuncion.

GO NOW AND DONATE.

so it's wet, raining, and generally bad for running. gah.

but on the bright side, meeting up with people is fun.

and OOF. i have eaten SO MUCH getting rid of the 5pounds is not going to be happening.

wargh! so yes, it's been late. in any case, flight over from logan was diverted to o'hare, and then to narita, and i had the luck to be surrounded with wailing kids the WHOLE WAY. wonderfulness. but it was ok, i guess. back in singapore now, it HASN'T STOPPED RAINING which kinda sucks since i actually have to run now. christmas was goood. um. will post more on this subject later mm. including doodles.

so i just spent $4 on random stupid foodstuffs because i ran out of quarters and i needed a dryer. who'da thunk it. bloody hell.

and syriana is CONFUSING AS HELL. i was SO lost it was not even funny.

YES. THIS IS MY ROOM.

on a side note, leaving tmr. funfun. oh god, admin stuff is annoying.

so it's been a pretty amazing post-exam period. since monday i've been chillin' and it's been great. spanish was not so bad (despite amazing one hour of last minute studying in eaton computer lab) which was probably due to

dinner at bertucci's on monday for our appreciate allison dinner, followed by hanging out at s.'s and subsequently b.'s house. which was hilarious and absolutely enlightening ("so. let's go around the circle, and tell everyone your high point and low point of the past week. okay, okay, week and a half to include semiformal. and who you have made out with." b's place is AWESOME. when i grow up graduate (i'm supposed to be Of Age now heh. yeeaaaahh right.) i want pad like that.

eggs for breakfast too :) cheese omlette mmmmmm.

um tuesday. did absolutely nothing, except ooh! lug a huge box 0.8miles (1.28km) to the ups store >.< i figured, it's not so bad a walk, i can run back, it's all good. right? WRONG. it's bloody cold, and to top it off i get distracted by a comics store next door. there goes half an hour. head back to the track, and proceed to run 400s in the cold. but there were geese on the lawn, so it was ok.

and then i spent the rest of the night grabbing music, running around campus, watching the antics of men in bathrobes in the library and cuddling a really cute dog. oh, and imbibing alcohol, but that goes without saying. hur. get to bed - 4am. wake up - 9.30am for jazz piano lesson (played billie's bounce! so fun!). hope i can take jazz next semester - that would be awesome. have to do a lot of work for it over break though. NO WORRIES.

andthenandthenandthen. we had. a run. where we just went to find christmas lights. it was GREAT. we're all probably going to hell for it, but who cares :) the photos were awesome.

music of the moment - glenn miller - in the mood
mood of the moment - gloriously tired

how apt:

'Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.'
     - Anonymous

i [heart] my quoteboard.

"…and their voices flew from Europe to Asia, and from Asia to Europe, drowning the stubborn roar of time that lagged too far behind, and of space that was too cumbersome…" - valentine kataev, time, forward!

i am NOT freaking out.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


so yes, that was an anna shih.

just ran 8 miles. at a 10 minute mile pace. SO SLOW.

but hot chocolate keeps me warm mmmmmmm. *snuggles*

WAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!

HUNGRRRYYYYY,

grah.



mmmmm reeses' pieces *smirk*

"plan b, cat, is to suck it up and stick to plan a."

BOOYAH!!

poikilotherm!!!!!

ogods do you ever just sit there and absolutely mind your own business and suddenly recall a segment of memory from a previous night that was so spectacularly out-of-the-ordinary yet it somehow totally slipped your mind?

yeah.

OMG NQR COLD RAN 5 ROUNDS HAVE PHILOSOPHY FINAL PAPER TOMORROW DIEDIEDIE OMG NAKED RULED AT BEIRUT WTF PWNT.

and i'm really, really full. at least half a pizza, at least. love peppermint bark. and chocolatecoveredcoffeebeans

so yes, i may not watch scrubs, but i do remember charlie brown and i do like this very much. the jazzy accompaniment helps much.

so perhaps some of you have heard the stuff about tufts and the racist carol done by the primary source. their funding'll probably be cut, i think. i guess coming from singapore, i was rather surprised that they weren't taken to task earlier - hell, most people i talked with were surprised that since they've been doing shit like this (i.e. publishing racist comment and articles) earlier they have yet to be censured for it. but then, hey, free speech right? but of course, there is no responsibility for your speech. how can you take your words back from the air. there is the complication of their typical exaggeration, and their tendency to be blatant and aim not to be taken too seriously, but still. uncalled for.

what saddens me most, probably, is that it had to go through a few editors to get published. and apparently, it was ok. i mean, i don't doubt that there were people who argued against it, but the fact that the call was made to let it go through...*shrug*

on a side note, got my essays and stuff back. bloody hell. incentive to study. and nqr tonight. funfun. as long as it doesn't turn up on youtube.

music of the moment - dave brubeck - away in a manger
mood of the moment - resigned

priceless.

on another note: saw guster last night. was great, i love their music live now :) and had cpk, and cheesecake factory, and after that dance party. only bad bit - it was bitterly cold. very much so. think -15ºC. brrr. toes HURT.

semiformal now bye.

IT'S REALLY SNOWING NOW. 7.35~~! :D:D:D:D:D

it's 6.36am and it's SNOWING.

:D:D:D

so donut run was a lot of fun, and i would have run it if i hadn't run ten miles this morning. TEN FUCKING MILES. my body is Pain. and i fell, and skinned knee. lots of blood w00t. i heard hisses of intaken breath when i passed people. but YES. i ran 16km. i am SO PROUD THAT I DID IT. not in a pompous way, but in a good way. just really happy i survived.

and n. came over because of mit tournament and teammates not staying at mit. so went into boston, had penang with n. and m. who is in BU :) funfunfun.

ohgod my calves.




ohgod, work.
say it to my face why don't you. be better than me, who could never articulate how awkward i felt that i never got to know you, that i screwed up. all those fucking mixed signals, saying one thing and meaning another. saying you were open to freedom, yet chaining me subtly with words. no involvement my foot. geez. and surprisingly enough i'm not mad, i'm not even furious, i'm not even particularly moved. yes, there was guilt, but not from your ceaseless guilt-tripping. there was guilt that i let it get that far in the first place. you said you knew what it was like, but evidently it didn't matter fuck to what you wanted. so no, i'm not going to be your guilt font, i have learned the hard way that there are enough crosses to bear without bearing those forced upon you. i refuse to bear yours, when you are capable of bringing yourself up. i will not be your crutch [and may i be guilty of melodramatising, bear in mind your furious departure]. i'm just tired of theatrics, i refuse to apportion blame, if you want to blame me go ahead. i refuse to dignify your accusations and misrepresentations with any other reply than this. find it if you will. fuck your melodrama. i do not want this sort of shit.
gah.

moo. mood. of the moment - omgworkdie.
music of the moment - j geils band - centerfold. or all the jazz i was playing :) found someone to jam with OMG YES!

OMGWTFAWESOMEBBQmathbesofun

ny was AWESOMENESS. it was SO GOOD. i got there around 11am from chappaqua and i got to chappaqua because anna's awesome mom gave me a lift :) so i went and got lost in NY.

basically i rambled like a worm in a really amazing apple. saw all the shops, like lord and taylors and macy's' shop windows, and walked through those stores, got my boots (aerosoles!) and i WENT TO THE LIBRARY. IT IS THE BEST. IT IS SO COOL. but the best bit was when i went to the map room, and took out a REALLY OLD MAP of asia and looked at it for half an hour. it was amazing. that map was OLD, i don't know just how old, but it was amazing.

then t. came down, and we went walking. tried to get into chicago (cheap tickets) but they were out, so we kept on walking to the rockefeller center. we ate at some upscale deli thing (pom juice and something else can cost you $8!) and then we went to the top of the rock. which was gorgeous. it was a nice night, not too windy, and you could see a lot.

though i could just see snogging couples everywhere. it had nooks and crannies.

after that we went to find food, since we skipped out on our reservation with matasuri. we headed down to soho because i had never been there, and now i need to go there more. soho looks really interesting :P and we were outside balthazar, and decided just on the spur of the moment to see if we could get in.

we did. balthazar. it's NEVER EMPTY. and we got in. you have no idea how orgasmic the food was. it was GOOD. so expensive, but SO GOOD. then after that we walked to t's friend's club, can't remember what it's called (sublimation? starts with an i). it was a slow night, but the songs would have gotten anyone at mos or zouk dancing.

after all that was the looong train ride to connecticut. t has a really really nice house. cute kid brother, awesome sister, dad has a wicked sense of humour. brunch with his mom was interesting…and the ride back was LONG. stupid thanksgiving sunday jams. had dinner on the road, slept most of the way.

ok getting bored of blogging this shit. suffice it to say, life was good :)

billy costigan is HOT. omg love.

i mean, seriously. tortured vulnerability is a soft spot of mine. even though he's not be irish. mmm. costiganlove.

TO NY TO DA Y!

so it turns out that tag-board.com has changed its url to tag-board.BIZ and didn't inform me somehow, giving me much grief and headaches as i am NOT A STAFF MEMBER FROM INDONESIA SO THERE DAMMIT.

anyways. hello. apart from the fact i'm now a member of a gabillion new tagboardythingies, i'm good. cool. calm. and of course the massive thanksgiving dinner i just had is contributing to my inertia. well, it wasn't massive, but it -was- good. and now i'm kinda full. have muffins for brekky. i really really [heart] anna and her family :D they are soooo nice and funny.

so yeah. now. back to roadtrip, part TWO.

well we get there, walk around, then after seeing this bright orange guy run across with an awesome floppy velvet top hat, we decide it's time to paint ourselves. brown and blue, w00t. even though it's kinda cold out (maybe 40ºF? cold, at least) everyone's running around without a shirt and in shorts. because it's muddy. so there was a lot of running around. we probably did the equivalent of a day and a half of a hard workout because running through mud and trying not to slip is terrible. you could wrench your groin muscles. in any case, before the races we'd yell our cheer. which consisted of something like:

"WHERE DID WE COME FROM?"
"MASSACHUSSETS!"
"HOW FAR DID WE DRIVE?"
"900 MILES!" [o'course multiply that by 2 for the round trip, but not at that point]
"HOW LONG DID IT TAKE?"
"15 HOURS!"
"HOW MUCH SLEEP DID WE HAVE?"
"NONE!!!!!!"

awesome. then of course, since a. fell in love with the tralala song by gunther we started singing that. and dancing to it. it was AWESOME. then the scurrying, then the yelling throat out, wash, rinse, repeat for girls' race.

all in all, it was good. girls got 5th from an at large bid. nescac runners [from our region] dominated. 4 of the top 5 teams were from nescac :D

after which we trekked to a fountain that w, saw in the distance to attempt to wash off.

turns out it was in the middle of a lake. which was gunky. well, gunky wasn't so bad, we'd have handled gunky. it was worse when we saw those rainbow slicks there. definately not good stuff.

which was why t. jumped in and swam out to the fountain halfway.

the rest of us decided to wash off in the fountain near the shops. of course, shan has to go and dive right in despite it being FORTY DEGREES FARENHEIT OUT. he was shivering and blue and regretting it later, no surprise.

and then of course after finding random food and discovering that alcohol is absorbed really fast into the bloodstream when you're tired and hungry (thank you r.) everyone collapsed into the vans and died on the way home. barring some minor tragedies ("we can't find the sexy back cd!") and major incidents ("HOW DID YOU GET TWO CD'S IN THE PLAYER?") we survived.

and of course, we were woken up when we got back to massachussets by them blaring sexy back on the cd. and of course, like how we entered the race course after ihop, we drove into tufts blaring final countdown all the way.

AWESOME.

though now i'm missing one sock, and my shoes are STILL muddy because i don't know HOW i'm gonna get them clean at ALL, i'm pretty good.

heading down to NY this weekend with mr f. matasuri, sarabeths, and libation. love the guy.

music of the moment - michelle branch - all you wanted
mood of the moment - oof.

JHOKAY so i owes people an explanations about roadtripping etc so here goes.

we went up to....ohio! goddamn that place is far. as in, really far. think 15 hours of sitting in a van. so yes, people start doing stupid things and getting high. stupid things include: truth or dare. for at least 2 hours. with dares getting progressively awkward and more uncomfortable…yeahhh. put it this way: it was a very naked trip. in more ways than one. see, we started out with "no pants hour". then it progressed to "no pants new york", as in the state, not the city. and the thing with the trip is that you have a bit of massachussets, a LOT of new york, a littlebitofpenn (say an hour), and A TONNNNN OF OHIO. dammit that place is HUGE.

so apart from truth or dare (in which we managed to weird out s., who is possibly the least likely weird-able person evar) and pantslessness, we had mooning and flashing and streaking. we streaked an empty campus (and by we, i mean most of the other van). it went like this: so other van stops at gas station before us and a few people there go: "hey, why don't we go streak this random college nearby?". rest of van agrees is good idea, and our van gets notified. driver of our van (the esteemable n.) gets slightly annoyed ("we have fucking places to go!") but follows them there anyways. we get there, drive around the campus looking for dorms, and find -no one-. absolutely not a soul. n. gets progressively pissed-er, and pulls up next to the other oncoming van (the roads were confusing, and we lost them for a bit) and proceeds to chew and hack off the other van's collective heads to the accompaniment of our cheering him on ("look it's a fucking -religious- school, they probably have a fucking -curfew-, there's no fucking person -here-…"). other van preceeds us and cheerfully blocks up the only exit. the entire van pours out of it starkers and runs around. n. gives up ("if anyone else wants to streak, you're doing it now.") and two of our van members scramble out ("there's not enough time!"), one of which runs to the main road and attempts to hitch a ride. in his words: "the first lady didn't even notice me. the second gave me the weirdest look -ever-. the sort of look you'd give someone who was trying to hitchhike at the side of the road in the middle of the night wearing absolutely nothing.")

so yes. and of course, there was streaking of petrol stations.

i realise the empowerment of a big country. you're pretty certain that this sorta thing doesn't come back to haunt you.

in any case we get to ohio at 5.30am in the morning and attempt to sleep because we got NONE on the way up. in the end, everyone's IN the van because it's too cold outside to sleep. and no one sleeps either because there's too much talking and sarcasm going on. in the end people give up, and we drive to ihop for breakfast. n. is dying, everyone gets the coffee combo ("water because you're dehydrated, and coffee to actually wake up") and after which we walk around the area checking out the route.

ohio is flat. like, FLAT. the only high point was a hill, and i use the term generously. you have perhaps 10m of elevation over 800m of horizontal going. you can almost see forever. and because it was raining the past week, the course was MUDDY. a renewed case of swamp aids was almost guaranteed (when we ran the nescac 2 weeks ago people who ran in the water all got a horrible rash. either poison ivy or swimmers itch - a tiny avian parasite that gets into humans and DIES and gives a bad rash).

ok gotta go for thanksgiving. continue later :D

been awake for 27 hours now. feel godawful. gotta get through class again. no philosophy paper to hand up at all.

fuckfuckfuck the sun's rising already it's 6.55am and bloody hell the paper isn't finished.

HOW MUCH SLEEP DID WE GET? NONE!!!!!

ok i lied. half an hour.

fuckfuckfuck i have 3 hours to go.

awesome article. now back to work.

update on ohio comes later after day of horror ends. pulling allnighter tonight.

TOO MUCH CAFFIENE SKIPPING OVER WOR[L]DS CANNOT CONCENTRATE IN COMMPUTER LAB IN EATON BASHING AT KEYBOARD MONKEYS AHOY SHAKESPEARE'SWORK COMING UP SOON STUPID SEMIFORMAL DATES GONNA DIE WORK OMG BYE.

BACK FROM OHIO TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT COLD SO COLD WAS INTEGRAL ELEMENT OF TRIP AM VERYVERY TIRED.

drove: 900 miles each way.
slept: none on the way up (well not really. but almost). all the way down.
ate: badly. as in, nutritionally wise. my body hates me now.
had: a TON OF FUN.

g'night.

on a side note: do not eat chocolate covered coffee beans compulsively, and definately not before bed. bad for sleep, bad for you.


but they're SOOO GOOOOD.

uncontactable for 2 days, going to ohio. ROADTRIPPP!!! yeah cross country nationals!

oh. so i discovered that tag-board has now been taken over by an indonesian company, which is why it's screwing nine types of hell out of my page. will fix over thanksgiving, probably.

weird al palindromes

i am so tired. and my ra is one who, i quote, "spreads her legs for her residents".

in her defence, that is because she was demonstrating for me the pilates moves that she was unable to do, and everyone happened to walk by. or at least, one of her guy friends.

of course she had to demonstrate more.

graa. roadtrip/ir paper? questions, questions...

so yeah, it's monday, and i REALLY SHOULD START ON MY IR PAPER but of course, me being me, i haven't. not yet. not even completed the readings. i am SO SCREWED YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE IT but of course, me being the sleep-like-log hog hamster why are you even surprised...

but anyways. part of the reason why i'm so dang tired is because we had a debate tourney on friday and sat. and of course, i had gone out on thursday for i remember not what but it'll come back to me :) but yeah, i'm kinda pooped. running around and trying to judge debaters who are clearly more brilliant than me is unnerving. plus i'm a freshman i.e. first year i.e. scumoftheearth so i don't really have much credibility when it comes to judging worlds champions.

but yeah. in any case. we were the fastest tournament -evarr-. penn had a tournament but they ran 6 hours late last i checked so apparently they're getting desanctioned. and we were even offered the chance to host an unopposed tournament. which means we'd be the only tournament on that day, no tournament also going on in the south like penn this time. but we naturally can't, since we absolutely have no space/manpower to handle that. but it's a night thought, all the same.

after tournament, was chillout at josh's place. and then was brom again. miami pd is highly amusing - we [heart] billy (i.e. judge reinhold) and his gun fixation. it's great. i want a poster of him in his duster with his shotgun over his shoulder looking screen right in the sun. i'm sure there's one out there.

but yeah. now we're in the one of the six seasons known as "shit". i think i've been through this already, but yeah. it's wet and miserable, and looks to be for a few days. am seriously considering buying wellies.

maybe duckyfeet ones.

so it's been a while since the last post. let's start with halloween. we headed out to beacon hill to trick or treat. why? to see if john kerry would hand out candy bars personally.

well we didn't see john kerry (we suspect he had an aide do it since the lady giving treats out certainly wasn't teresa heinz-kerry) but we got a TON of chocolates. which btw i have made a sizeable dent in in the intervening 10 days >.< and the crowd on beacon hill was AMAZING. beacon hill's where it's at, i swear. all these teeny tots dressed up as lions and stuff are really cute, but somehow they put me in mind of people dressing up their dogs. notable costumes: the two kids dressed up as jailbirds in a pram with a flashing blue rotating light a la a police car, the sleeping sheep in its pram, and the totally freaked out simba who saw the ghoul give out candy. if there ever was a kid in need of therapy it was that one.

oh, and i went to brown last week. debate competition. debate wise, it was an UNMITIGATED DISASTER. hands down. lost all 4 rounds, bye-d the last one. BAD. but getting to meet the singapore people was good - i even met up with adam, who i haven't seen since jc! didn't know he goes to brown. mmmmbagel.

but yeah. coming back from brown, got a nice dose of white supremacy. suffice it to say my jewish friend was all for hauling off and hitting these young punks in the face. nice.

mmmm should sleep. judging tmr. stayed up guarding cannon. arg. not even mine.

i love the master and margarita, but it is just SO HARD TO WRITE A DAMN LITERARY PAPER ON IT. keep getting distracted by it's fantastical nature.

must see past it, must.


oh yes. why nerds are unpopular. ain't this interesting.

WOW so we just went trick or treating on beacon hill, which is the posh area of boston (equivalent to queen astrid park). it was one flava flave, one pirate (there are so many pirates around, probably the most popular costume. after which is borat), one princess peach (in jeans), one vacationer (he insisted on being a "vacationer" and not a tourist, and he carried a brandy glass. with coke in it, of course] and i can't remember what andrea was, but it was good :) since i was a black ipod silhouette on saturday, i figured i'd be the exact opposite today. all white, that's me. and the reason we went? to see if john kerry would answer the door for tricks or treats.

OHMYGODS that place was chaotic. parents with kids. parents with toddlers. parents with grubs (literally. it was a bee, it was probably 1 year old, and it was sucking its thumb). people with dressed up dogs. people EVERYWHERE. the kids were ridiculously cute. probably the best moments of the excursion.

and dear gods, that was the only time you could probably look into the houses of the rich and the obscenely so. one of them looked like the inside of a palace. picture a warm walnut kinda room, with dark green trimming and beautiful decorated ceilings and a marble vase next to the grand piano. the kind of room sherlock holmes would relax in. that's the kind of rooms they have. and studies. and entryways.

and of course, since they're rich, they give out hershey bars. like the threedollar ones you get in convenience stores. right now i have a bowl stolen from the dining hall next to me, and there is SO MUCH CHOCOLATE in here i'm gonna get diabetes or bounce off walls.

and of course we stopped by the president's house on the way back. as in, the president of the university. who also gave chocolate :)

life is GOOD.

apart from the five page russian essay that's due tomorrow, but i'm not thinking about that plsthanks. i'm thinking about next year's halloween. i'm gonna be a panic button.

WOOOOO. so halloween was nuts. went to the warehouse and carved a pumpkin, nearly died at the creative costumes, met with all the cross country people (who had absolutely HILARIOUS costumes) tried to go into ihouse but was TOTALLY UNABLE TO, then went to hang out at the brom.

brom was a blast. conservative estimate - had 7 drinks. um. say. 2 cans worth of beer, close to 5 shots of vodka, some cigars and some…extra. schweet. memorable moments: the bloody vodka half glass (on hindsight, the 20minute after shot with tirrell was a mistake), raising pizza money and of course, peter brown getting kissed and traumatised. i've never seen anyone who looked like they needed 20 years worth of therapy.

good times.

today was a good day :) started when i heard why don't you get a job and then dani california on the radio. haven't heard offspring in a LONG while :) and then went to a concert after dinner. with beethoven and rachmaninoff!!! you could hear the passion in her playing, and when you get frissons while at a concert you know it's great. then it was beer pong and amusing conversation at the brom, then when i was on the way bck to miller i ran into matt and ended up tossing a football around the cannon while they were painting it :) it's ALL GOOD yeah baby.

I BLOODY HATE STATIC. now that it's cold enough that i have to wear a fleece everywhere i go, every time i take it off i hear crackles. when i try to put it down, it gives me multiple shocks worthy of a tesla coil. and everyone else gets a good laugh >p

omg weird al rules!

oh my god there are SO MANY WEIRD THINGS going on on our floor that we've just started dismissing them as "miller second floor west side". we had people run around giggling and hiding cs style wearing nylon stockings over their heads, then we had people walk up to my neighbour's door and go "BLEEAAARRRGG" and walk off.

miller secold floor west side.

so, got whacked in the face by a dodgeball ball, resulting in blurry vision from glasses being pressed into eyeball. probably have imprint of nosebridge in there somewhere, swimming around in my vitreous humour. possibly even aqueous humour, seeing as have doubleble vision w00t. also have shin splints, and am paying price for not wearing orthotics. slept through half of spanish class again, made worse by the fact that it was an exam today. this thanks to frantically writing philosophy paper two nights before to find it was not due, and ironically doing spanish the night before till 4am. all in all, nothing new.

oh gods i can't feel my feet. and it's only 9ºC. my god. why is temperature so subjective???

slipper weather is over :( i need boots fast.

AAAHHHHH!!! NO ROBIN WILLIAMS AND JOHNNY DEPP IN THE GOOD OMENS MOVIE??!

i am vastly unhappy.

HOKAY. so. first up, icruise. which was a blast. well, it was mostly a blast because i managed to get up to the alcoholic area. and this was because i managed to get the wrist band that gave me passage to the upper deck where alcohol was. so david and i went around to search for wristbands because we heard michael found one and managed to get upstairs. we were like "ok, how the hell are we gonna do this." i was especially annoyed because a guy had spilled a box of wristbands before and i didn't act on the chance to pick one up so i was kinda whacking my head against the metaphorical wall.

and then, glory be, there was one next to the dustbin. david found one IN the dustbin, heh, and apparently so did a few other people :P so we were euphoric at our success for a while, then we kidna realised they were carding certain people. which kinda put a damper on the excitement.

so the trick is. go when it's clear. they'll just wave you through, no sweat. awesome stuff. drinks, a full beirut cup for $8, and pretty strong too. they didn't have drambuie, but i realised i do like white russians :) 'sgreat. decent music too, which was rare.

after which i helped drunk people back, as is my lot in life >.< why are americans unable to control themselves, i have no idea. in any case, had to help really drunk friend back to house, where i ended up watching and dealing poker until 4.45am. so of course i ended up staying overnight, and the best part was walking towards the dining hall for breakfast with one the guys and having the walk past the entire girls team back from their run.

awkwaaaarrrd. *twiddles thumbs and does the awkward turtle thing*

so yeah. now for work.

omg i didn't believe it was possible, but my dorm lounge has become even more distracting than ever. they're playing water pong, thanks to two sturdy chairs and a door hinge and 12 cups. my ra would have a fit if she saw this.

in other newses, i have a package! with phone and watch and calculator and fbts! which are the most comfortable shorts in the world bar none.

ran 5 miles today! am happy :)

ok abstract time.

just back from race, was as usual last. like, 5th from bottom, woohoo >p but i ran better...goal: run sub-25 5k. dear god, the front runners run the 5k in 17m23s. SEVENTEEN MINUTES bloody hell. that's faster than most guys!

w00t! just had dinner in the dining hall. would be unremarkable, if not for the formalwear that everyone was wearing, which was awesome. had to arrange stuff neatly on the plates, too. the amusement was probably worth the almost-freezing-ness that everyone eudured after dinner. i think. it was bloody cold.

so i'm gonna try out for the boston marathon.

go me.

omgomgi'mgonnadie

fuck. i just spent 2h45mins sitting outside my professors door waiting to catch him as he comes in to collect papers, the past 45mins of which were spent sitting staring at my screen because i was stuck on my essay at 4 pages. and THEN. i find out. that they should be doublespaced.

#^*72(*^&(@#%@()*%&

AHAHAHAHAH THIS IS AWESOME!!! i'd get these when i go skiing...no need to lug that vodka bottle around! just 16oz of booze, so you don't get TOO drunk but it's enough to keep you toasty-warm, mm. of course, that means you lose heat faster and get hypothermia and die faster so youse at own risk.

eecummings - marvellous. splendiferocious.

homecoming. a pact, a deal, manunkind. leave me to my inmorality, inabsolution, incoherence. again, resonance in lives. how odd. denialdenial, debunkum. warmth and consequences, warmth and consequences. it is late, 3am, witching hour, and coldcoldcold. 12ºC.



pity this busy monster,manunkind

not. Progress is a comfortable disease:
your victim (death and life safely beyond)

plays with the bigness of his littleness
-electrons deify one razorblade
into a mountainrange;lenses extend

unwish through curving wherewhen till
unwish returns on its unself.

                                            A world of made
is not a world of born-pity poor flesh

and trees,poor stars and stones,but never this
fine specimen of hypermagical

ultraomnipotence. We doctors know

a hopeless case if-liten:there's a hell
of a good universie next door;lets go

debate was ok. bloody train driver didn't open the back doors to let us on since the front was packed full, so she just drove off )(#%(*@%&. saw nicol and mel so that's ok :)):):):):):)) am happy.

random smiles on the train can be awkward and embarassing.

ok so after the horriying ordeal of sleeping two hours and being surprisingly perky in the rest of my waking hours and only sleeping 8 hours to make up for it because i ate sugarencrusted cereal (smartstart and cinnamon toast ftw) so i couldn't sleep, i am somehow alive. never leave philosophy papers till the last minute. i was surprisingly awake, but woke up at 0855 for an 0900 class and zombied my way through it and the rest of the classes that followed. debate today, and i am not particularly confident. had a decent debate yesterday, but somehow i believe i will need more sleep to be decent.

so i will write down things i observe here.

my door ticks like a spring every time it creaks open due to the wind, or you pull it open. two weeks ago, fall meant a burst of fallen acorns (there are acorns here! often without their little caps, but yeah) divebombing cars. now fall means "wtf how is that woman wearing a spag strap it just rained the ground is wet and it's COLD" (18ºc out). fall means eating blood red drops of summer while lying on a rug listening to disney songs.

saw a pigeon crossing the road via the zebra crossing, no joke. at every white stripe it'd stop and peck at something. squirrels cross the road differently - they use electric wires. saw one run on one of these man-made highways to the pole and run further up the pole to cross the road to get to the other side.

strange dream, last night. really odd.

i had something to say but i forgot. thought of the day second, that's me.

on a side note my quacky adium sound notification is highly amusing when it shocks my friend.

on a bad note my macbook is scratched :( poor ishyoocow.

on a breezy note it's bloody cold out.

i should be doing work.

i fucking HATE stupid "please say you details" automated answering services. i KNOW they're for the benefit of those who don't have touch tone dialing, but when it gets to the point when eating doritos translates to "account services" and silences equate to "99908", fuck that i just want to talk to a bloddy operator! one who won't think eating doritos means a vulgar slur on your unfortunate parentage.

so frustrated.

so fall is coming. the leaves are subtly turning colour [i write in the u in spite of my new language over here mm], and everywhere you see their carcasses. little vestiges of a fled summer. the hedges are suddenly bursting with red berries, bright red rowan-esque explosions peeking out from behind thin green needles.

it's silent here today, everyone's gone back for rosh hashanah, my roommate's out up at godknowswhere tufts lodge somewhere in the mountains and i'm just watching trees whisper and sneeze to each other. i should clear up my room and do work, but i'd term that an exercise in futility.

so tell me, why do i think i can change the world? or fix people? when i can't even sort out my room or do my homework.

had insane crazy sugar high yesterday, following the time-tested-tried-and-true method of eating 4 scoops (or more) of ice cream just after exercising. so was running around and bouncing. if only that worked before a race >.<

today was a bad day. books hate me - i had to go to the bookstore twice to get a book replaced, my bag's broken as is my sandal (again! the glue doesn't work), and wallet fell out of bag as i scurried out of locker room at the athletic centre. i went back later looking for the bag bit that had fallen off and found my wallet in the locker room - i didn't even know it had fallen out.

of course i guess it was too much to ask that whoever was in there had left the money inside. i don't know, i was just angry and disappointed. angry at myself being careless again, not checking for things left behind, and disappointed that people around me who live around me would even do such a thing. i guess i give people too much credit. not everyone's honest. but it is a disappointment to find that out, i guess.

in any case, i wasn't happy heading out to run. no surprise. but i find running a good way to deal with things, or at least working out. you may start it in a shitty mood, but after you finish and the endorphins have finished whooping their way around your system, well, you may not feel fantastic or happy, but you do feel like you can deal with the shit that has been thrown at you.

and i guess i'm grateful that the bitch who took the cash (it was a lot of cash) didn't take the whole wallet. which would suck, as i had my visa cards and my school id in there. and i am definately grateful i deposited a lot of my cash earlier today. and it's also a good thing people owe me cash too so i have capital there. so yeah, silver lining and all.

it still sucks, but i can deal with it. *sigh* ok off to debate now.

its 1.35 am and i'm suddenly so fucking lost it's not even funny.


you could have had so much more.

banksy has an exhibition!

interesting things i just remembered/found out:

the eagles were the original ones who wrote also did a cover of the boys of summer, which is a pleasant surprise.

davidoff actually is a cigarette brand rather than a perfume brand. did not know that. (this i realised in germany)

tufts has this AMAZING AWESOME collection of the dali card lithographs. i am in love. its GREAT.

it's a balmy 25ºC out here today, wonderfully humid-ish and SUNNY and i'm listening to music and eating strawberries under a tree on the lawn, watching an ant wandering on my apple, with a breeze blowing. as you can tell, it's idyllic and i'm happy. it's wonderful. norwegian wood and sunday morning under the sun would be perfect, i'm working and i'm gloriously content. i love summer.

so, some thoughts:

the flag's still at half mast in the quad, and it's one of those things you notice when you're cold and freezing, and it sticks in your head. it hasn't left half-mast since sept 12 when i first realised it. perhaps there is a month of mourning for sept 11, but i really don't know, and no one really does, no one i've asked, not even americans.

philosophical musings at 2am at night can be wonderful, and pensively pleasantly pitiably sad. there's a generation of lost, degenerate and aimless kids out there who don't know what to do with their life, who have no aim, and are degenerate because they don't know anything else to be. what's even more pitiable is that they're aware of it, of their trap, but can't get out because of the inertia they place on themselves. there's despair there, the knowledge that they're on a self-destruct cycle but they can't get out of it because they see no point, there's nothing else for them.

archie's moths, all of them. brief flashes of hope, brilliance, love, and they spiral away, fade away.

and it hurts.

--

fly me to the moon by oscar peterson in the sun on the grass with strawberries. bliss. it's a good sunday.

everyone should read kahlil gibran. and haruki murakami's noruwei no mori.

music of the monment - tal buchman - she's so high
mood of the moment - pleasantly content

just back from running. damn, 5k seems so long now. ran it in 27+ which sucks balls. i think i need spikes, cleats, and fbts, and stuff like that. god i need to bathe. will be back.

omg i love my dorm its hilarious. so this cop comes on his dorm rounds and some how he ended up playing foozball with our residential assistant. and then a horde of my dormmates came by after drinking. trust me. it was funny. one of my friends said: "you're not a real cop are you?"

"yes i am. want to see how legal i can be?" *starts taking out his beat stick (truncheon like thing)

*friend sprints to the far wall with an utterly frantic and panicked expression on her face "oh my god he's gonna beat me!!! i was just kidding ok!!!"

ohh kay. so i'm back from surviving 3 games of beer pong (GO MARCH OF DIMES!) and so i'm kinda non-functioning. cross coutnry was good today, won first overall and first indiv with a new course record despite the heat and humidity. and the cross party was quite fun :) beerpong!

anyways. last night was fall ball, which i spent most of my time wandering around trying to find people. and sending smashed singaporean friend back to dorm. it was quite funny, especially since he kept insisting he wasn't asian but african. and stealing my scarf to wear.

oh gods i'm not thinking straight. oooh! i just got windows on mac, so can use c++and play games and shite. coolbeans.

and for all those mac purists out there who scream at the thought of windows on mac: screw you. too buzzed to bother.

oooooookay. so i woke up at 3 in the morning yesterday to take my shift at painting the cannon. for those who aren't in the know, painting the cannon (i.e. a cannon in the quadrangle centre grassy patch thing that has more than a hundred coats of paint is a tufts tradition) so my dorm painted our dorm name and logo on the silly thing using spray paint. and the thing about painting it is that you gotta make sure people don't come by half an hour later to paint over it so we had shifts until 5-6am in the morning. mine was 3-4, obscene it was. but fun :)

and i just got back from fall ball. basically an excuse to dress up and dance like mad and get drunk. no surprise, no? heh had to put friend to bed. now tired, have to get up tmr, will give more details if i can remember tmr. ciao

just got back from an acapella audition. was bloody nervous. it is 2.41 in the fucking morning. i have class at 8.30am.

in any case, am really excited about classes. they're awesome, professors are cool and funky and sardonic and some no-nonsense. i love it. i love the jazz class. its great its great its great.

saw girl run out to meet boyfriend while waiting for audition. one other girl summed it up for us: "aw. now i'm jealous".

which was quite amusing :)

k so i'm really fixated on the comp screen now and stadium arcadium is on really really loudly. yay for large bass speakers.


this is actually quite amusing :P

and red hot chilli peppers remind me of queen, in their variation and treatment of music, how they innovate in the same way. if you call it innovation.

music of the moment - red hot chilli peppers - stadium arcadium

so it's cold, and i'm in my friend's boyfriend's room, and they're being cuddly. the rest just left, and i've been in a sorta mildly ebullient mood as i meander to my random chores. red hot chilli peppers sum up my mood perfectly, and i don't know what i'm gonna do for the rest of my time here. i'll be back, winter break, and i presume after that i'll be ok. i'll be returning to somewhere familiar. the cold air from the open window caresses my skin, and i know more than ever i'm alone. i don't begrudge them anything, i'm happy for them.




Tell me baby what's your story
My heart
Where you come from
Your skin
And where you wanna go this time
This love

I'm in
Tell me lover are you lonely
We don't arrive, without a surprise
The thing we need is
You're right

Never all that hard to find

I'm wrong
Tell me baby what's your story
Where do you come from
Be free
Belong
And where you wanna go this time
Your so lovely are you lonely
Giving up on the innocence you left behind



I don't wanna have to, but I will,
If that's what I'm supposed to do.
We don't wanna set up for the kill,
But that's what I'm about to do.


music of the moment - red hot chilli peppers - hey
mood of the moment - ambivalent/pensive/wilfully deaf

have attempted to pack up room for roommate who will be coming in in at least 12 hours time. so since i'm going to this luau thing (read: party thing) i am trying to pack now. i'm doing ok. can see table, floor pretty clear. so anyways. just got back from tromping around boston. again, cold. and rainy. got phone and some 9 west bag which was discounted $40 us i.e. i got it for about $31 us which is probably really good since it's kinda ex in sg i dont know. but it's capacious and can probably fit my macbook so i is satisfied i think. ohgod packing. ciao.

late and cold out. so before i turn in, this anti-telemarketeering script is awesome.

in dorm room. is very cold. toes froze, so no sandals again. currently trying to fix net connection in other peoples com, back to the techie role again. is cold. should be unpacking, but can't be bothered and will be heading for social thingy soon. was supposed to be shisha on library roof, but it is COLD and RAINY so :( no shisha. still. its just next door. did i mention it's cold? it's cold. SEND ME PHOTOS hur :)

so this is sonia, posting from her new macbook. it is lovely, but getting used to it is kinda iffy. i'm working of it. and thanks to the wonderful free wireless of amerisuites. it's kind of like a lowerscale hyatt-for-the-masses..only the room is huge, and for $99 a night (USD) its really quite a deal. then again, that's considering the really really cramped accomodation we had at the econolodge at times square in ny. ny is an expensive place. EXPENSIVE. you can't imagine just how much it costs to live there. so for $139 a night we had this titchy room that was big enough for one queen sized or so bed, a cupboard for the tv, and barely enough room for the two big suitcases and random big floppy bags. and it was squeezy. the toiletries were quite atas (high class) though. clairol herbal shampoos in little bottles. you spend 7 bucks back home for a big bottle heh.

new york wasn't as overwhelming as i expected, for it being the big apple and city and all. but it's kinda scary that you can be very, very faceless there. you may be in a city of six million people, and you can be very alone. like that lat comicl, where he's in paris and is writing to his mom. he says "you ask if i feel alone. in this city of 6 million lovers? yes mum."

but anyways. lots of ny to see, but the best bits of it i feel are above your head. you have to look up to appreciate the architecture, the skyline...and the neon lights of times square and the blink[er]ing lights of broadway. speaking of which, i saw two shows there :) the first was the producers, which we rushed to just after moving our bags into our room. econolodge times square is just next to broadway, so we puttered to the ticket booth, and subsequently rushed for the show. which was good :) though i thought the songs were faster than the movie and the comedic timing less so, but then again this doesn't have the benefit of editing and retakes so. then also caught SPAMALOT!!!! so awesome. i want the killerbunnyslippers of doooom. they are SO AWESOME. i cannot stress the wonderfulness of this enough. and the new songs are also quite good too :D mwaha.

the rest of ny was spent at the museum of modern art >.< there are 6 levels of exhibits. we went from opening to closing time (1030-1730) and only got through 3 levels. there is just so much to see, from the cezannes to the dada movement (go check it up, it's quite interesting). i like man ray's obstruction, especially the idea behind it. if only we had enough coat hangers. obstructing the universe sounds quite cool. call me a philistine, but seeing everything from cezanne's the bather to monet's reflections of clouds on a lily pond (i never KNEW it was so GIMONGOUS) to dali's melting clocks (didn't know it was so small, the detailing belies its size) to warhol's soup cans is good for the soul. everyone should go to visit an art gallery with acclaimed masterpieces that culture vultures adore once in a while. makes you feel alive again.

and i've been using the word gimongous a lot lately. for everything from buildings to paintings to SQUIRRELS. they are HUGE. like the sparrows, because they are cold and fat.

boston is cold, and large. all that walking around kills the feet. met a few tufts people here in amerisuites too...some going for IO, some for FIT, meh. we'll see how everything goes...moving in tomorrow. so until i actually get wireless again, ciao.

..enough, now.

agagooga has done it again :) this is a scream.

so today was wonderful and amusing. i like ebullient and high :)

we're living on borrowed time.

music of the moment - duke ellington (or whoever was playing) - i'm beginning to see the light

mm so its one more year, more responsibility, but i don't know about more trust. i don't know if i trust myself, not after my actions these past few months. but i'll grow, i'll learn, i'll get better. we'll see how that one goes. thanks to all :) love you guys lotses and very muchly too :)

-------------------

what hezbollah really is, or the nature of hezbollah (or rather hizb allah, "gods army") is important. got to talking about it at dinner today, and it's interesting how what me dad said corresponded to what the article says.

for one, he theorises the current hezbollah arose out of the 1982 lebanon war. which is interesting. that would mean that for, say, five years after the war, maybe even a decade, the generation that were kids during the war grew up on a legacy of hatred and knowledge that they were being bombed by The Enemy. they were brought up learning to hate The Other, probably not knowing or caring that they themselves were also retaliating. so now, around 25 years in the future, the disaffected are returning with a vengeance. literally.

and in a very very ironic and depressing cycle, israel is just bombing the shit out of them again, with no thought to the fact that their consequences are gonna come back to bite them in the ass big time another quarter century down the road. israel and palestine, seemingly, are not the only ones that are largely defined by who they hate. hezbollah is as well - according to the article, they flourish because they proclaim they represent the Resistance To The Oppressor, the path to freedom. and all israel is doing is reinforcing this.

and yes, they are squandering their rare portion of goodwill. with the backing of the world's most powerful nation (militarily, and possibly for now economically), they can seemingly afford to piss off people in order to show the world that this new government is not to be trifled with. but you can't. you have to cultivate relations, you have to cultivate people, if you want to end this. nothing was ever built on a foundation of hatred, of enmity and distrust. but i dont know if that's what they want, an continuation of the war.

all this short term things, short term plans. no integration, just forcing people to follow you with no regard. it sounds like the usa for some reason. interestingly when blair offered to mediate between india and pakistan (i think), they politely rebuffed him with a "you don't have the civilisation to deal with us". that's an interesting thought, when applied to america. compared to britain, china, india...the us is a teenager with a lot of power, telling 40 year olds what to do. yes, the 40 year olds may not be in the best of shape, but they remember the good old days and are proud of it. and they know the value of cultivating goodwill, which the us isn't doing right now. it'll be interesting to see how this turns out.

mm. caberet. very interesting, and risque like hell. don't bring kids. scandalous, would be the word.

to those who ask. and the one who knows why.

Why Should I Wake Up?
Why should I wake up?
This dream is going so well.
When you're enchanted,
Why break the spell?

Drifting in this youthful state,
Morning can wait, let it come late.

Why should I wake up?
Why waste a drop of the wine?
Don't I adore you
And aren't you mine?

Maybe I'll someday be lonely again,
But why should I wake up?

Why should I wake up till then?

oh good lords. anyone seen the new detainee trial proposal bill? where hearsay evidence that has been "determined to be probative and reliable" will be brought into consideration. they "may be tried and punished at any time without limitations" and held until hostilities are completed, even if found not guilty by a commission. defendants can be excluded from their own trial for the sake of "national security".

WTF. WHAT THE EFFING HELL. WHAT BLOODY SYSTEM ARE YOU LIVING IN.

i really can't say anything, except thank GODS this is just a discussion paper. if you ever prayed for anything, pray that this isn't the final thing.

although this righteous-anger-schit i'm spouting does beg the question of "what else would you do".

hold a trial, maybe? if you can't trust your judiciary to keep state secrets or your system to screen out a proper nation-loving jury (if you have one), then autocracy is your best bet, hmm? call a spade a spade, why don't you. jeez.

one man, one vote. only thing is, bush is the man, and he got the vote. and it not necessarily a good thing, too.

i'd rather a vetinari.

HAHAHAHAHAH the producers has really gotten under my skin. as has real gone.

Haben sie gehort das Deutsche Band
Haben sie gehort das Deutsche Band
Mit a bang
Mit a boom
Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom
Aaah, haben sie gehort das Deutsche Band
Mit a bang
Mit a boom
Mit a bing-bang bing-bang boom
Russian folksongs und French oo-la-la
Can't compare with a German oom-pah-pah!
Ve're sayin'...
Haben sie gehort das Deutsche Band
Mit a zetz, mit a zap, mit a zing...
Polish polkas, they're stupid und they're rotten
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that
Schweigen-reigen-schone-schutzen-schmutzen sauerbraten!
Key change!
Ve're sayin'...
Haben sie gehort das Deutsche Band
Mit a zetz, mit a zap, mit a zing...
It's ze only kind of musik
Zat ve huns und our honeys
Love to sing!

music of the moment - sheryl crow - real gone
mood of the moment - amused and content, in a i-dont-care-sort-of-way.

so i thought i felt bad walking away. turns out you can feel worse.

the weather outside's bleak, which is surprising and rather apt. so this is what it feels to be gutted. hollow. catch-22. dead.

i wouldn't feel so bad, i think, if it didn't hit while i was fucking hormonal. or maybe i would.


i cannot sing anymore.


It's just a thought, only a thought...

If my life is for rent,
And I don't learn to buy,
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
'Cos nothing I have is truly mine.


music of the moment - dido - life for rent
mood of the moment - emotionless. i lie, of course.

AHAHAHAHAMUPPETS!!!
love those guys

this is what you get for telling your son's parrot to shut up

this is what a rocket booster feels like...

many things to talk about:
1. the gagging of the mr brown, and the purported registration of singapore bloggers. one wonders why, if the government is so clean, you need to gag one of singapore's most prominent bloggers. if he's just pointing out a coincidence, then why should you be scared of rebutting him especially if you're in the right as you always say? doing this just invites the usual criticism of "no opposition at all", and the sneaking suspicion of patronising paternalism. and if you're so "pro-free-speech", why cancel his column? is it for fear of retribution by the government? so much for pluralism, as mr tan tarn how says (the senior research fellow at the institute of policy studies if you had read the article).

and though cherian george may say that this co-opting of "hip online culture" is just to up newspapers hip quotient, and that it may not be "acceptable to give the same individual the same status in a more public platform" vis-a-vis the internet, doesn't the fact that you're co-opting him in the first place mean that you value his opinion? or at least, that you're willing to give him the soapbox? so saying things on the internet is fine, but in the newspapers, is clearly Not Good. despite the internet being a much more powerful (albeit more informal) tool than the internet in dissemminating information. so i guess that means it just reinforces the idea that paper is a more controllable soapbox than the internet.

which is true. also for enforcability. like the hare-brained idea to make "all authors of singapore blogs" to register with the media development authority (mda).

how bloody enforcable is THAT????? and what the hell, does that mean kids who bitch about school are going to be forced to sign on the line before being able to open an account with blogger.com, which, incidentally, is an american site. [on a side note, i wonder who's jurisdiction is law when it comes to such things. probably singapore's, but i is not sure.] its bloody chafing that's what. and [dare i say it] arrogant, to assume your arm and reach is as long as the damn internet is deep. china tried it, and china is much much more controlling than we are. needless to say, they failed.


2. the road to guantanamo. struck me a lot. i mean, what can i say. i was all angry at their treatment, how they were considered guilty without ever being given a trial, how they were lied to in an attempt to have them "admit guilt", how they were tortured into admitting lies, and just how much a lack of finesse that the weapons on the war on terror has.

but then my colleague pointed out to me: you do realise the context is just set after sept 11. the us of a and the soldiers are not likely to be forgiving. and if you do come across the real hardcore people, this is really the only way you'll get information out of them. and so i asked him, what would you do if you were them? and he said, the same thing, probably. what would you do? and i realised i had no answer. its a bloody bitter thing to realise, that you have no way to have effectiveness and finesse at the same time. and every attempt to utilise finesse will result in less effectiveness.

but things i remember from the movie:
when rumsfeld was commenting on guantanamo. so he says "they [the terrorists] are held in appropriate conditions", treated "humanely", and conditions there "consistent with the geneva convention. for the most part". and you realise soon that he's left himself a gaping loophole, he's used sophistry to cover his ass. good lord. its so deathly ironic that you want to cry.

the guard taking a photo of the detainees protesting over the riot police beating up a crazy detainee. i couldn't help thinking, i'll bet they used that photo for some propaganda shit. really.

the humane acts from the guards. sounds crazy, but true. like when the guard asks one of the tipton three to rap for him, and laughs about it. or when the guard stomps on the tarantula in his cell one night. more of the former. but still. its nice to see the film doesn't portray the guards as total bastards, who are so much easier to hate. though the interrogators are supposedly total assholes, and easy to vilify.
would be interesting to see a story told from their pov though.


so yes. have interesting project that i might take up, who knows. might even get blacklisted (i just watched mi:3 hence the spy stories playing out in my head). but singapore is covered up too much, and the governement isn't giving us enough credit. we're being patronised and patted on the head, and we see through many of the facades and falsities you present us. please, stop insulting us.

reading about drinking games on wikipedia is HILARIOUS. must play fuzzy duck and roman numerals. but possibly the most amusing one i came across (because i was so tickled by the descriptions) was this:

The Manowar Drinking Game: for fans of Heavy Metal band Manowar, known for the extensive use of certain words in their lyrics. Every time Eric sings "steel", "blood" or "kill", take a drink. Even using just beer you'll be wasted after 2-3 songs. If you use dude you'll die. Seriously, don't do it.

isn't it amazing what a simple line can do. like the drawings in the king james bible. or something like that. i can't remember the edition.

i just checked. it's the good news bible. and it says a lot that if i want to find it, i look in my brothers room now. brother has just got religion, and while i guess i'm happy for him, i'm...i dunno. uneasy. more at me and myself than anything. there're too many questions. more and more pressure, and the ugly realisations that occur after that. so tell me why, when i realise that i'm not religious because i don't want to be (for no particular reason, really), that i feel guilty? is it because so many around me are? I DONT KNOW. YOU TELL ME. and this doesn't just apply to religion. yet another reconciliation of old and new world, old and new beliefs, and just plain old how-the-hell-do-i-rationalise-this. i can't. i'm just a parrot, repeating dull old tired saws that i heard before.

and no, i don't understand anything. and i don't know what i want. and no, i don't know my stand on anything any more, not after the whole recent barrage of "oh everybody does it" on all topics from premarital sex to [insert vice of your choice"] and at what price popularity and fame and the flippancy of it all and...GRRYYYAAAH.

i want cuddles. just plain cuddles, no strings attached.
see, i'm heading into "physical comfort" only, how shallow. ok this is just me metaphorically speaking, i hope. it's quite a bit more with mr ducky.

ARGH LEAVE ME ALONE, BRAIN.
(although it's been doing that for quite a while now, so hah.)