whee! have fixed the lan connection! i rock! we can transfer files after one year!

lessons learnt:
1. do not dash/tear around house while shuttling between 2 computers. mom moves furniture. furniture wont get out of your way.
2. when resetting everything, ensure that you follow instructions to the letter. disconnecting the computer your brothers are playing on and then reconnecting it isnt the same as shutting down everything
3. swear softly. if all else fails, prolong it so that it doesnt sound like the f-word.

and our house is a danger zone. if it's not furniture, it's nails. and nails are painful. they pierce deep. and if it's not nails, it's k'nex on the floor of a dark room, or it's papers, or it's the carpet.

why do you think i'm so accident prone? :P

music of the moment - frank sinatra and the rat pack - fly me to the moon
mood of the moment - happy :)

my chun lian is hanging up on the wall.

i go by it with my eyes shut/averted.

oh, the mortification.

dong dong chiang.
happy chinese new year.

blasted cny celebrations. misty halls suck.

disillusioned
walking dream
falling willingly
black taint
scarred raw

i really hate myself sometimes.


music of the moment - john williams - schindler's list theme, sting - englishman in new york
mood of the moment - upset

la biere coule a flot dans les couloirs du chateau enfoui sous la guimauve!

whee!

ahhhhhhhhhhh.
muscle is twitching again.

bloody hell.

hmm. noticed how all elf armour tends to go to the curly and intricate side. was comparing the bloodmage to the legolas and gimli painting by john howe, where legolas is in his elf armour. looks kinda...similar :P

i swear, i shall always remember bio as the most...perverted topic in the entire history of science. plant reproduction especially. you dont wanna know.

warcraft 3 expansion the frozen throne is coming out!!!!

they have a bloody MANA VAULT! i know a friggin mana vault when i see one and this is IT!!!



tell me this ain't cool, man :)

my conn is utterly screwy.

When You're Happy and You Know It, Bomb Iraq

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

ROFL!!! brilliant.
you can get this from TalkingCock.com

and scrub your dirty mind. it's nothing like that.

you're forcing the facade
and you know it.
you dont want to feel bad
and you show it
unconsciously,
just
because.

and you always make me smile
each time you come around
because you feel uncomfortable

around open hate.

msn is screwing up. i take half an hour to sign in.

who else has this problem?

msn suddenly disconning you is not abnormal. happens all the time.

...and you always seem to make me smile...

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalnien.


mood swingy.
chet baker - walking shoes.

am reading good omens by terry pratchett and neil gaiman. or rather, rereading. while programming webbies.








and suddenly i feel apathetic. somehow the anger has been subdued and is hiding in the safe.

this is her,
watching helplessly as her
feet wave around
aimless arrows pointing
into nowhere

she nods her head rhythmically
unable to stop the agreement
that her body is no longer her own.

she cannot control it,
this waving of her limbs
windmilling
like out-of-control pendulums
lulling
in its hypnotic, despotic,
macabre rhythm.

this is she,
as she is now,
sobbing through a voice
she used to have,
convulsing in spasms

relief,
is long in coming
in this void
a shell
and she has no egg-tooth
(it dropped
long ago)

and this is me,
as i sit here
and stare at her,
(i cannot look away)

it is just me
and she
and her ghost
between us.

mi nórë, quén melnye...





a inyë melquén.

dad has just spilled the car perfume thing in the car.

the whole family has declared it a national emergency.

we're all laughing over googlism here :) me and my brothers. the most bizarre so far....

neil is the sexiest lizard i've ever seen in my whole damn life

and someone help me. my brothers have all gone horny. the fact that they are younger than me does not give me comfort. they are all doms. aka dirty old men. old in terms of...mental imagination. :P


good lords the smallest one is flashing.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

bad debate. bad debate. BAAAD debate.

well....not too good actually :P must redo....

music of the moment - boa - duvet (acoustic)
mood of the moment - swinging (mood)

"and you don't seem the lying kind
a shame that i can read your mind..."

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

you're driving me mad.

wtfh.

was studying anything i could lay my hands on regarding bio, only to find out that all we have to learn is the stupid asexual reproduction

(slams bio textbook against head)

bfh.

music of the moment - the "thump" of my head hitting the table/textbook/wall/any convenient object, including hand
mood of the moment - stupid.

tired.
studying.
other stuff.


music of the moment - blink 182 - online songs
mood of the moment - drained

and who am i to judge?

...i know i shouldnt, but i still do, so get me out of it...

...too naive, letting myself in for a letdown...

"...and perhaps one day i shall be incarcerated as much as you,
sealed in your gold coffin."


hold me.
hug me.
hush.

and you're gone.

...and with one little gesture, you hurt me more than you can ever know...

huddled tears
look up, feel
raindrop kisses on my lips

...melnyel, nan hanyal?
indo nórë quén
inyë vanta mi sindanor...






...and you will never know.

oh, i LIKE these.

SATAN Simply Another Theological Asinine Notion :-)
DIE Design-Induced Error
STFU Sir, That's Freakin Ugly (polite form)
DEATH Don't Ever Antagonize The Horn
HOT Hands-On Training
WIMP Woman In Man's Pants (usually only men are called this)
SAM Smart-Ass Masochist
SAM Stop Annoying Me
SAM Stupid Ass Meeting
RAT Race Against Time
LOST Looking Over Strange Terrain :-)
NUT National Union of Teachers
TIM Toxic Industrial Material
NARF National Atomic Research Facility
RA Remedial Action
NOPE Nowhere On Planet Earth
NERD Nobody Ever Really Dies
NERD National Establishment for Real Dorks
NERD Network Emergency Repair Dude

hmm. Acronym finder. helps you find out what snafu really means. :)

mood of the moment - mood swinging
music of the moment - the printer

viddying burgess' clockwork orange.
the mood i'm in pretty much ensures i cant read much else.
apart from the economist.

mood of the moment - Laodicean, perturbed. hooray for m-w's word of the day.
music of the moment - the rain. all i need, really.

...the anacrusis of infinity
one drop away from insanity
and several bricks short of a bundle...

idiotsyncracy.

hm. jinin is right. her 'm' key doesnt really work properly.

music of the moment - girl from ipanema
mood of the moment - pensive/plotting/scolding

ahhh. dammit.

what did i do today.

oh yes.

training.

ram is cool. ram rocks :)

i shall improve.

sleeping and doing homework at the same time results in tiredness.

i am posting from jinin's house. have just decapitated jelly bears and mini oreos.

*sigh*

rachmaninoff. need male accompanist for to come to ensure i dont get killed by someone. any takers?



good lords that sounds like i'm desperate. and i'm not.
that is bad.

and NO. i know no proot.

battlefield musings 101

green mustard gas
obscuring
the red-blue vision
of the experimental soldier

battlefields breed
stale minds

fodder for the cannons
thats what civilians are for, arent they?

its moderately amusing.
theres me, and then theres my brother. we're both toddling/hopping/limping around the place with our right ankles bandaged up.

wth.

mourn for the loss
the small spark a soldier
loses, the second he steps
onto the battlefield...

dead eyes, staring you in the
face, from those alive,
and the walking dead.
have the grace to close the eyes
of those who can...

the kalidoscope of a childs rainbow
when the rainclouds dissipate
the rain stops
and the rainbow does too
sun
left, right, overhead
baking you, little unformed one,
kneading you,
moulding.

scarred now, little one,
scared at your violence
you now feel nothing

mourn the loss
of innocence
of belief
and the thousand-yard-stares
of shells
you once knew

i went to school with an inflamed nasal passage and throat.
came back with a wrenched ankle.

i love the exchange policy. was hobbling/limping/hopping/swearing around school. steps, surprisingly are no problem. walking is hell.

and do not pack your bag at 6.45 am when you are gonna rush for school. i ended up bringing the debate camp shirt instead of pe shirt. yes. not good.

on the other, flip and utterly disturbing side, my friend has realised, and this i quote: "this year [he]'d be legally allowed to screw [me/any other girl]!"

excuse me. i think i'll go grab the kitchen knife now.

...and a salute to the downed soldier,
who knew more than me about life...

mood of the moment - resigned
music of the moment - eagle eye cherry - save tonight

...your ray of sunlight, through the cloudlight, shattering my eyes...

YESS!!!!
the reason for my euphoria goes back to 12 somethingish am in the morning when i finally got the successful message from our xlab. was whooping and yelling and jumping up and down for joy, not neccesarily in that order.
FINALLY! the damn thing is OFF the damn GROUND. you cant imagine how fantastic that is. although it was kinda dampened by how tired i was at that point in time. and general relief that it was over.

the gep officer and consultant were impressed, to say the least. mad grins all around :)

then it was going to ri to check out boxes for r&j. we found them. *GRINZOR* we rock :)

then coffee bean for talking :)

mood of the moment - euphoric/relaxed/hyper
music of the moment - you're too good to be true....

*sigh*

...and i saw you there, in your electric chair...

we are so dead. xlab due tomorrow, and tired, just tired.

did i mention sick? i think i did.

theres something about standing at the edge of the concrete cliff
watching the rain sleet down over the edge
and knowing that if you take one step forwards
you'll fall along with them.

theres also the way the rain falls
in gusts, when the wind blows so
hard, they almost fall horizontally
in waves.

then theres walking out to the edge
sitting on it, and getting wet
and looking down into the valley
from your deserted vantage point
hollowed out years ago,
aeons ago.

and theres the way the rain falls
into the little puddles of flood
pushing apart the waters
a moses from heaven
and a little droplet bounces upwards
in reply (joyful, perhaps?)
but it only lasts
a split-second
and then the waters rush back
to drown the invading rocks
that had hidden beneath the waters
even before the assault
of little nukes
from heaven.

but a split-second is enough
for images to form
and be engraved
on the negative of the mind.
and a split second is enough
for the impulse to fire
along your neurone,
for you to take a step out
and fall through your dream-fluff.
the sunlight left a long time ago
there is only cloudlight left
and the downpour.

sometimes you wake up,
sweating,
and you cant sleep.
sometimes you dont wake up -
your mind awake,
but trapped
in a sleeping body.
and sometimes you dont wake up
you cant
you fall
leaving the sky behind

follow the dream through to the end.
dont wake up, screaming
follow it through, through the cloud/dream-fluff...


sometimes you have to fall to fly.

I am, of course, none other than blank verse. I don't know where I'm going, yes, quite right; And when I get there (if I ever do) I might not recognise it. So? Your point? Why should I have a destination set? I'm relatively happy as I am, And wouldn't want to be forever aimed Towards some future path or special goal. It's not to do with laziness, as such. It's just that one the whole I'd rather not Be bothered - so I drift contentedly; An underrated way of life, I find. What Poetry Form Are You?

and i usually use free verse, i think.
gee. im bored.

well back to history and bloody hitler.

just had marzipan potatoes. little marzipan things that look like potatoes. cocoa dust on the outside and a bit yellowy on the inside. hyperhyperhyper whee!

now to apply that to history....

music of the moment - ermm...forgot. anyway. crickets.
mood of the moment - hyper...leaving bits of me on the walls i bounce off from. whee!

programming! webbie! awds! so it wont look so cheesy!

speaking of cheesy. ate a lotta spag. oof.

tired. lalallallalaaa. should go to church? perhaps. this is one long programming land with no help whatsoever and we have no tech knowhow. now to program pages. :P

eressë Tol Sáranna

sina manen nilmë ósanwë ve?


met ar eressë osto
calassë anda vanwa.

melnyel, nan hanyal?
vá!
áva nyar - inyë vanta mi sindanor

kids say the darndest things:
"mom, are those conuts?"
"mom, whats a dult?"

little brothers were suitably embarassed.

we are so dead.

well, ive done it. this chapter has been closed. perhaps i'll go back there again someday, but not until december, at least.

on the bright side, i get to beat up 2 members of the aci debate team :P


mood of the moment - sitting here in somnolent acedia, possibly even somnolent sobriety.
music of the moment - the crickets, my keyboard, and whatever sound mom's laptop makes.

you're just too good to be true.


and always look on the bright side of life.

star wars origami, anyone?

disjointed angel
black-tint wings
cracking smile
from different things

spinning round and dragging all
happy like a broken doll

and the bug is out.
i swear, really. backup your blogs.

I. the atmosphere

the music is blaring in my ears,
two songs, over and over
and over
again.
one of dreams, one of self,
and one more,
of me
disturbed.

II. the stratosphere

its raining, and somehow, i'm
troubled,
by my
mal/miscontent?
i have everything i could have
at my fingertips
dancing across keys,
and everything i could want
flickering in bytes across
the screen, in pixels and pages.

and yet,
i am restless.
stretched out,
unsettled,
tired/not tired.
sleep beckons
and i dont want to go.
every movement is a chore
an effort
yet effortless.

puppet.

i'm suspended, detached,
hung from invisible strings,
tied around my limbs
(and maybe one day
these enroaching chains
will find my neck)

the puppet master is out there
somewhere,
pulling my strings.
perhaps the master does not know
i dance to his/her bidding.
perhaps he/she does.

something is missing.
something is wrong
and i dont know what.

a caged tiger,
restless,
un[settled/easy]
(take your pick.)
i feel like running,
and i know that i'll
drop
after five meters.

my state of mind is oxymoronic,
my being is oxymoronic
i am just moronic.

sian.

what the.. my maid has just fixed a broken phone.

it would have cost $80 otherwise, minimum, at nokia.

the friggin blog thing screwed up on me. something about a damn link. people, backup your blogs.

utter mad link added.

If LotR Had Been Written By Someone Else!?

pianopianopiano. the saint-saens went down well, thank goodness. 1.5 hour recital, with a very weird "peter and the wolf (with assorted animal sounds)". had fondue (garlicky) and the cheese thing (tuna! and spinach!) again.

bach has mad toccata and fugues.

cup game! whee! a tradition, almost.

home. homehomehome. slacking and slogging. nuff said.

gwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

ridiculous debate for cca exhibition. "TH prefers legolas to aragorn" wth. and heres me running through everywhere yelling "the debate, the question: this house prefers legolas to aragorn!"

then an amble off to meet shama. she's nice :) but i think we subjected her to torture. random yabbling about strange stuff over pizza. and arguments on how you should EAT pizza.

utterly stoned. the usual afternoon at cyberia, then parted ways, and claud dragged me into zara, m)phosis etc for which i am utterly horrified. also at the fact that they plan to dress me up and have lined up prom dresses. *eurgH*

hooray for the library. and kino :)

piano for 2 hours. am heartily sick of railroad song.

and my mom has succumbed. *sigh*

and a friggin deep blue funk again.

love ya.

i furu, alatahanya
úvëa ormenya
úvëa nyérenya

miscommunication, hah.

and what good is there in the world?

you can see through the future, but can you see past the past?

so near and
yet
so far
away.

i never seem to see his face.

how do you want to bridge the gap?
somehow i keep missing....
by seconds and miles.

sudden lapses of colour
a dip into stolen paintings
and your ghost between us

hehehehehehheh.

little brother:
"i'm gonna take the king of the strawberries!" *gropes for strawberry* "ahah! i got it!" *bites*
*makes face*
apparently we neglected to tell him that white strawberries aren't the sweetest.
so he takes a nice red one next.
*bite*
*makes face again*
after that he uses sugar :)

whee!